One night in Paris...

The clock's running down,

the team's losing ground.

I take a big step back,

I'm under attack.

I look to the left,

I look to the right

and there she is

in a golden ray of light.

The whole world is mine tonight...

I've got all kinds of time...

Lost and insecure...

You know what sucks? Realising that everything you believe in, everything you aspire to, everything you dream of, is complete and utter bullshit. Destiny, soulmates, true love and all that other nonsense. I should have listened to her, she was right all along. But even as I admit that, I know there is one thing she was wrong about - dreaming isn't a waste of time. I'm old enough to grasp that they'll never come true, yet that's not where the magic unfolds. Because dreams are like the moon, I may never touch it, but if I follow it, it might just lead me where I need to go...

When someone's gone from your life for a really long time, you start to forget stuff about them. Like how their voice sounded, the way they laughed, the way everything you did was completely okay with them. I don't think I'll ever be content with the way things ended. Perhaps our failure will guide us forward, to something better, to someone better. As the new voices deafen the old, and as the screech of the future beckons, I cannot help but wonder where you were, when everything fell apart...

I need a place to sleep...

I'm starting to learn that perfection isn't what matters, in fact, it's the very thing which can destroy us if we let it. The bumps in the road, the challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. As I move forward, I try to follow my heart, yet too often I find myself leaning towards following my pain. I catch myself falling back into old patters. And as always, habits die hard.

Even though I know the dark places I can stray to, the comfort of familiarity is eternal. Right now, the best thing I can do is find out who I am. It seems so redundant at this point and it will probably never be good enough, but I can't continue being a stranger in my own skin. I can't walk through life not knowing who I am. Now it seems, the dream is to stop changing and finally becoming the person I'm supposed to be.

I think I loved you even before I knew your name. I don't care that the chances of it working out are next to none. I asked myself why, and in the same breath I got my answer. It's everything about you; it's that teasing smile, your warm scent. It's the curve of your body, the sway of your hair, the innocence of your voice. It's just everything about you, but more than that, it's everything about me. It's everything about the way you make me smile, laugh, cry and hurt. It's everything about the way you make me feel.

Taking the midnight train, and going anywhere...

I think I'm one of those people who like the chase more than the actual catch. And I have this strangely familiar feeling that my latest obsession will end like all the others. The pattern is agonising, yet eternally comforting. The odds are getting worse with each passing day. The best I can hope for, is that each experience will teach me something, anything, anything at all. Even if it's just taking the time to lie on the grass and think about all the things I still have left to do...

You barely cross my mind anymore, but when you do, I still feel a little sad. You left a huge mark on me, one I'd never admit to in person. I can't even go to the movie theater without remembering everything we shared together. We spoke a language no one else was able to understand, but we didn't care, because we had each other. Sometimes I still wonder if there's a chance we could go back to the way things were, but then it hits me; you can't play on broken strings...

I take one more sip - this is the last one, I swear. It just feels so fucking great to leave this world, to forget. I drink to drown the sorrows of a past no one deserves to live. Just one more, tomorrow I'll stop. It's been five years since she died, since I've been happy. There has to be a better way, there simply must. Everyone looks at me like they're so surprised I can breathe. I need to get out of this town...

But really, our story has only just begun...

There are things I have done,

there are things I regret,

that you can't forgive,

you can't forget.

I need a place to sleep,

so I'll take this night and

I hope I'll be given some peace...

There's a beast inside and I let it run...

It's funny how my perception of the world can be so off sometimes. Like when I was searching for a place to fit in, to belong, to be myself, and I didn't even realise that I was there all along. Knowing this, has changed everything. It made me look at myself, who I used to be, who I am now, and who I might someday become - but hopefully not too soon, because the more I'm stuck in the present, the more I actually see, there's no other place I'd rather be...

You can never be certain how many miles you have to run while chasing a dream, but never forget that if your presence doesn't make any difference, your absence won't either. So when the odds of faith in the face of doubt come forth, know that as you step over the edge and off into the darkness of the void, have faith that you will either have something to land on, or you'll learn how to fly...

I've decided I want to understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. From now on, there are no more limitations, no more worries of consequences. Reading, looking at the sky and writing, those things alone are not enough. In order to fully experience everything, one must let go, one must endulge, one must break rules, one must suffer, for all of that is life...

Camera one closes in, the soundtrack plays, the scene begins...

I'm like a cat on a hot tin roof...

With every song,

with every word,

there is less of me...

Lay me down on the street...

I used to think there's just this one person in the world I'm supposed to love. That there's only one person who could be my best friend and that no one else will ever understand me the way she did. But now, as I'm meeting people I never even knew existed, it feels crazy that I was worried in the first place. Yet it was real, wasn't it? You and me. It seems like such a long time ago, we were just a couple of kids. But we really loved each other, didn't we? Some people will save your life, as did some of you. The worst thing you can do, is forget them. So now I give you my word. Even though I'll act like I don't remember, I'll never forget what you did for me, who you helped me become...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about taking chances, and how it's all really about overcoming our fears. Because what I've realised is that everytime I took a big leap, no matter how it ended, I was always glad I jumped. Losing your hearts desire is tragic, but gaining your hearts desire - it's all you can hope for, it's all you can live for. This year I wished for love, to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. Even though I am still waiting, the sheer steps I took to get here, bring warmth to my soul. And if that is tragic, then give me tragedy, because I wouldn't give it back for the world...

When I make a big mistake and fall flat on my face, I'm certain I'll be alright. She taught me to get up, life has taught me to get up. Never before have I been so content, so ready for the future. I know I have a long road ahead, undoubtebly filled with countless disappointments. I don't think I've ever smiled as much or felt as much joy as I do right now. The journey is going to be perfect, I can't wait...

As my conscious calls, tears crash around me...

This is about a guy trying to keep it together while falling apart. It's about men and it's about doing anything to reach your dreams. It's about believing in yourself when everyone else has given up on you. It's about letting go of your fears, and demanding a better life. It's about telling the truth, even when it might destroy you. It's about life, love, sex, and the everlooming pressence of the grim fucking reaper...

Chasing the last train...

I hate when people say that you don't know what you have until it's gone. The truth is, we know what we have, we just think we'll never lose it. No ending can be right, because it shouldn't be over at all. The magic isn't supposed to go away. Yet sometimes we are faced with circumstances we can't control and we find ourselves hurting the people we love. Goodbye really is the hardest word, especially when you're forced to say it. I wonder if I'll ever find that spark again, I wonder if we'll ever be the same...

Life isn't like the stories we read - we can't stop when we're bored or go back and relive some parts, we can't jump ahead and we can't switch to a new one. This is my reality now. Not the life I had once dreamt of, not a life my younger self would ever had imagined or desired. But it is the life I'm living with all its complexities, built with care and attention, and it's good, it's great, it's perfect...

The first time I saw you, my heart fell, and I'm pretty sure I never got it back. The second time I saw you, you took my soul. Then everytime since, my entire body ached. When I see you, the world stops spinning, and all that exists for me, is you. There's nothing else. No noise, no people, no thoughts or worries. No yesterday, no tomorrow. The world stops and in that moment it's such a beautiful place because of you, just you...

The world is fucking perfect...

Made a wrong turn,

once or twice.

Mistaken, always second guessing,

it's enough, I've done all I can think of.

The whole world is scared,

so I swallow the fear.

I can't even convince myself,

when I'm speaking

it's the voice of someone else...

Now it's raining more than ever...

I love that sensation, you know the one, when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything seems like it's going to work out. When I'm as hopeless as one can be, and life is going nowhere, I stop and look at the moon. The way it makes me shiver, the way it takes me back to that beach, the way it reminds me of you. It makes me realise that as long as I can feel something, it's not over...

Forgiveness is never simple. Bitterness is easy, hatred is easy, but forgiveness, that's a tough one. Because sometimes we do things we can't take back, we say things we don't mean. Yet despite everything, I know that what I have done, is not who I am and what I have done, is not who I'll be. We travel through this world only once and therefore I cannot defer or neglect my happiness, for I shall never pass this way again...

As the moonlight brings warmth to my soul, as it reflects from my heart, I exhale, and for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, I am completely at peace. However fleeting this moment might be, it is enough to make me believe again. Perhaps this is all I'll ever get, perhaps this is all I'll ever need. Either way, I am ready. Ready for anything, ready for everything...

Welcome to my silly life...

It's a cold and crazy world outside...

How the fuck did I get here? How in the world did I suddenly become this person? As I search for people to blame, I find myself stumbling upon her. She made me this way, and I hate myself for admitting it. You tricked me, you really did. I don't know how I got here, but this is where I am, this is where I'll stay. Each step I take towards the life I want, the more I realise that alas, I knock, on a door with a lock...

It's funny how you actually think you mean something to someone, then they turn around and prove you wrong. Remember that night, when we just sat there and talked? For that one blissful evening, I felt like I belonged, and now I realise how much I really miss you. So this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. We do the things we used to be against, we befriend the people we used to hate. Maybe this is just how growing up looks like, maybe we'll never know...

Have you ever been struck by the feeling that something is wrong? Nothing in particular, mind you. Nothing that you can quite put your finger on. Just an overwhelming sense that your universe has shifted. It is perhaps a fleeting sensation. One would at least hope. The key, when faced with such circumstances, is not letting it get to your head, not letting it break your heart, and not letting the world see when it does...

Pretty pretty please...

You know that feeling, when you're just waiting? Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either. And I'm tired. Tired of everything and tired of nothing, both in the same breath...

I know I have to be strong for myself, because I walk the road alone. Though I must admit, I'm tired of always being the one who has to fix myself and everyone else. Tired of being strong and for once, I just want it to be easy, for life to be simple, to be helped, to be saved. It won't happen, I made peace with that, but I'm still hoping, still wishing, and I'm still staying strong and fighting. With tears in my eyes, I'm fighting...

This too shall pass. Like everything is passing now and like everything shall pass tomorrow. Time goes by, it doesn't stop for your heart to heal, or for your best friend to come back. It goes on, and so should I. Because sometimes life really does feel like it's caving in on you, sometimes I do feel like I don't want to exist. Just curl up in a ball and go to that place between life and death, where everything is possible...

Loneliness as a situation can be corrected, but as a state of mind it is an incurable illness. Those afflicted by it, those are the people whose heart never mends. It can however, be sown together with the magic of risking everything, for a dream that nobody sees but you...