Lets run away and never look back...

I'm still miles behind you...

Out of sight, into the back of my mind.

With all this water under the bridge,

everything comes sneaking back,

and we never really talked after that.

Laughed when we wanted to hide,

but nobody saw us fall,

just miles behind you.

Familiar roads seem to be dead ends.

In tiny rooms, out of view, everything is born again,

at least that's what I tell myself.

We could have had it all...

I'm a hopeless romantic, of that I am sure. I believe in wishing on stars, and I do it every chance I get. I believe in soulmates, that one single person who makes us whole. I believe in love that never ends. Yet sometimes still, I feel like I'm the only person who's alive. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, somehow I'm still trapped in this void of solitude. Maybe I keep overreaching, maybe I really am hopeless. I feel homesick, even when I'm home. There is no cure for my disease. A venomous poison, slowly killing me from the inside out. Ironically I have no one else to blame but myself, because I push away people before anyone has the chance to heal me. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like, if I finally, once and for all, told everyone the truth...

Today is a weird day. I can't stop thinking about what would have happened if we hadn't given up on each other. The bond we shared, it really was special, wasn't it? Everything we did, was just so fun. Endless conversations, the "remember whens", I remember it all. It's funny what life does, how it just gives us things and then it takes them away so soon. I really can't get it into my head, how we can grow distant from people, who used to mean so much to us and how I suddenly no longer feel anything of note about you.

Then I remind myself that there are only so many times you can allow someone to let you down, before you can't handle the disappointment anymore. When circumstances change, people change. I guess there came a point in my life when I got tired of chasing after everyone and trying to fix everyone's problems. For once I wanted to be the one who gets invited to do something, who doesn't have to give the initiative. The joke was on me though, because nobody was willing to do that for me. So I let these people go, but I don't see it as giving up. I see it as picking myself up from the rubble, standing up, and keep going, keep going even if it hurts like hell.  

Dreaming of what could be if I'll end up happy...

Vsak, ki me sreča

me ustvari drugače,

po svoje, kot bog.

Ko se naše poti razdvojijo,

postanem voščena sveča -

topim se v neskončnost.

V sanjah se zopet znajdem na tisti obali.

Vržem se v morje,

ker morje ne dela razlik.

Perhaps I was never meant to be saved...

He's not the same anymore. He knows better. He knows that people lie and promises can be broken as easily as they are made. He understands that he might never be loved the way he thinks he deserves to be. He knows he can't change what happened, and that soon time will just run out. There isn't a place for everyone in this world, and it may be time to accept that. He knows you can't always expect people to care, and that the friends he thought might save him, never really stood a chance. He found out that at the end of it all, he is his own best friend. 

I somehow always knew, in the back of my mind, in the deepest clutches of my heart, that I'll end up alone. It wasn't because I thought I couldn't be happy with someone else, I just always knew I couldn't survive having it all, then losing it all. They always tell us these stories, of great love and happines. How against all odds, against all reason, two people find each other and they stay together, always and forever. Then, there's my story; the cruellest kind. A story about a boy who keeps falling in love alone. The victim of a one sided affair - a curse unlike any other. It's a story in which the hero ends up dead. 

A massacre of everything I knew...

There it is again. That heavy feeling in my chest, pounding down on me, destroying my desire to even speak or move. All I want to do is close my eyes and sleep. Because this whole process of being broken is overwhelmingly exhausting. The hardest part is that no one ever prepares you for this, for this state of perpetual numbness and unsatisfaction. No one ever warns you of how dangerous loneliness can really be. So I attempt my best to make my days fulfilling, but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to connect to anyone or anything.

To be honest if you want to leave, you can. I'm used to it. I'll remember you though. I remember everyone that leaves. You don't even have to say goodbye. Long ago I learned not to be picky with farewells. They aren't guarenteed, nor promised. You're lucky, blessed even, if you get to say goodbye at all. But I wish you wouldn't. Throughout our life we meet people who are unlike any others. You can talk to this person for hours at a time without getting bored, you can tell them anything and they wouldn't judge you for it. These people are our soulmates, our best friends, and in the end, isn't that all we really need?

Infect me with magic, fill me with your poison...

The book of life is long and boring...

I'm so used to looking for somebody, even though I know there's never anybody there. There are moments when I almost give up, when I almost stop trying, yet there's always something that pushes me back. This time it was a dream. And I hate to admit this, but it was about you again. You showed up on my doorstep. Not with anything special, just you. And when I opened the door you just stood there smiling, while I was trying to figure out what the hell you're doing here. You said how hard the last few months have been, how much you've thought of me and how much you regretted everything. Then when you asked me to forgive you, I did - without hesitation. Then somehow everything seemed perfect again.

The truth is, we only hide because we want to be found. We break hearts to see what they truly mean to us. We only walk away, because we want to see who will follow. Have you ever heard a song from so long ago, with so many memories that it made you cry? And didn't you wish that you could go back, if only for just a moment, to when everything was so simple and our lives were so carefree? I love how these melodies can take me back through time and make it seem as if no time had passed at all.

I never think that the last time is really the last time. I always think there will be more, I think I have forever. Striving for infinity and taking any path I think can lead me there. It has not been easy, and I have lost many people along the way - some changed me in a way I could have never imagined. They brushed the surface only to cull the depths of my soul. To them, to you, I shall forever be grateful. Together we crawled through this mysterious thing they call life. Together we uncovered misteries and secrets and we helped each other find balance. Perhaps one day, we can do it again...

I don't see what anyone can see in anyone but you...

Girl I know mistakes were made between us two.

And we showed our eyes that night,

even said some things that weren't true.

I want you to fly with me,

I miss how you lie with me.

And I just want to hold you, squeeze you 

and tell you what's on my mind.

It's been so long,

since I've seen your face,

and I'm trying to be strong

but the strength I have is washing away.

Going out with a bang...

I've never liked being in the middle, it's way to boring, way to safe, and I don't think that's really what life is about. So here I go, straight into the belly of the beast. I may have said farewell to arms, and I may be sorely outclassed, but the thing is that everyone breaks, but not everybody gathers up the pieces of what is left and stand again. So when I inhale my last breath, I want to know if I have what it takes to breakaway. I want to know if I have the serenity at heart to live a life worth living. But most of all I want to finally know, if she was right all along.

Don't pray and wish for an easy life, instead hope for the strength to endure a hard one. And if anything, it's becoming crystal clear that the future looks grim. Not because I might fail or because I might disappoint, but because there are still so many things to say. Once the secrets come pouring out, that's when life truly begins. So as I sit here, I remind myself that sometimes the saddest songs bring me the most comfort, and the memories which make me cry, are the happiest one's I'll ever have.

Rolling in the deep...

And so it begins. The part in the play when everything I feared is coming true, and everything I hoped for isn't. I've always thought of myself as a strong person, one who can endure the hardships life throws at him. I took pride in my ability to prosper and overcome. But now as I look forward to what lies ahead, I'm not so confident anymore. So I gaze inward in order to solve the mystery of my sudden discontent. I stumble upon a secret I thought was long forgotten. It seems it was laying dormant, quietly spreading throughout my soul. It screams to be released, it's growing reckless and I'm slowly losing control. But even as I fight it, I know this is a battle that cannot be won, a battle I don't want to win. So as I prepare to surrender, one thought beckons the mind; am I strong enough to survive?

Sometimes when we make choices, we don't really realise how big of an impact they can have on our future. How everything would be different if we didn't walk through that door, if she didn't wave, if we had the strength to jump. So when I look back and wonder what made me this way, unable to go through a single day, without sabotaging every chance I get to be happy, I somehow always end up at the exact same moment. As it creeps from the very clutches of my heart, an overwhelming sense of sorrow rushes over me. And once again I feel numb to the world.

It seems like I'm being dragged through life, all the while struggling to slow down. Wishing for a new beginning, for another chance. The screwed up part is that somewhere deep down inside, I actually believe I still might get it. It's slipping away, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's being torn apart by the clutches of the outside world, forcing me to grow up, forcing me to stop dreaming, and start living. I wonder, who am I without my dreams?

We can't fool the world we only fool ourselves...

How did you ever get the devil to dance?

I fall to my knees as I confess...

I think I've finally figured it out. It's about the times when you lay in the grass next to someone you love. It's about the colour of the sky or a roaring fire on a sandy beach. It's about a spontaneous surfing getaway and all the sunsets you get to see. Everybody hurts, everybody bleeds. Everyone smiles and laughs and loves and that's all that it is. There's no special meaning to life, it's nothing that can be defined. It's really about having the courage to write your own definition.

Because we're young, we're torn between a world of dreams and a world of hate. We have so much to lose, yet so many things to gain. There's a lot we have to change, there's a lot we have to fight for. And that's the most important thing I learned during this whole process of getting over you. You'll always mean something to me, no matter what happens. And I guess it doesn't really matter if you feel the same. Our friendship was real to me, and I can at long last say, that's enough.

We're all strangers really. Only connected by what we reveal, what we share, what we take away, the stories we tell. They are these thin strands of humanity that tether us to one another. They create bonds between souls, between hearts, which help us see the beauty all around. They make us feel less alone or even more comfortable with our solitude. And truthfully, that's all I've ever needed.

Things I'm too young to know...

I'll be close behind,

no binding light

just our hands clasped so tight.

When your soul embarks,

I will follow you into the dark.

A girl, a boy, and a graveyard...

The circular nature of life reared its ugly head, right as he was about to proclaim victory. "This too I shall survive," he promised himself. He clinges to doubt. Doubt that this is really all he's meant to be. Perhaps this is just how his life was predetermined to unfold. Being stuck in a perpetual flux of ethernalness, being torn to shreds by the shadows of the decrepit void. "This too shall pass," he thought to himself.

I have come to realise that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling profoundly unhappy, deeply uncomfortable, and agonisingly unfulfilled. For it is only in such circumstances, propelled by tragedy, that we are likely to step out of our roots and start searching for different answers, for truer paths. If we are lucky, we might stumble upon roads that no one else has ever walked before, for only then can we be certain that they will take us somewhere no one has ever been.

Time is like a river. You can't brush upon the same surface twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Even though we can't change what was, I think you've proved to yourself, that you can certainly change what will be. There is no obstacle big enough to keep us from our dreams. There is no burden heavy enough to keep us from our journey. There is nothing we cannot get back, if we have the strength to demand it. So when it hurts to look back, and it's hard to look ahead, you can look beside you, and I promise I'll be there.

I've been travelling forever...

I'm stuck because I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of disappointing everyone who put faith in me. But mostly, I'm afraid of letting her down. I was supposed to be more, I was supposed to be better. Now as I find myself looking back at my life, the irony is clearly transparent. It's as if everything led to this profound realisation. Every decision, every mistake, every success guiding me to the ultimate truth. I was always meant to fail...

The most authentic thing about being human is our ability to create, to endure, to overcome, and to be greater than our suffering. But the thing they don't tell you while you're growing up, is that once you do, you have to accept that some dreams aren't destined to come true. As silly as it may sound, that's really the only thing I've ever truly loved about myself - my ability to dream, to aspire, to imagine a world unlike any other. Now as I sit here, broken from the tragedy of it all, it seems that the boy who seemed so strong, at long last crumbled. The boy who swore he would never stop trying, quit...