I'm a hopeless romantic, of that I am sure. I believe in wishing on stars, and I do it every chance I get. I believe in soulmates, that one single person who makes us whole. I believe in love that never ends. Yet sometimes still, I feel like I'm the only person who's alive. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, somehow I'm still trapped in this void of solitude. Maybe I keep overreaching, maybe I really am hopeless. I feel homesick, even when I'm home. There is no cure for my disease. A venomous poison, slowly killing me from the inside out. Ironically I have no one else to blame but myself, because I push away people before anyone has the chance to heal me. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like, if I finally, once and for all, told everyone the truth...
Today is a weird day. I can't stop thinking about what would have happened if we hadn't given up on each other. The bond we shared, it really was special, wasn't it? Everything we did, was just so fun. Endless conversations, the "remember whens", I remember it all. It's funny what life does, how it just gives us things and then it takes them away so soon. I really can't get it into my head, how we can grow distant from people, who used to mean so much to us and how I suddenly no longer feel anything of note about you.
Then I remind myself that there are only so many times you can allow someone to let you down, before you can't handle the disappointment anymore. When circumstances change, people change. I guess there came a point in my life when I got tired of chasing after everyone and trying to fix everyone's problems. For once I wanted to be the one who gets invited to do something, who doesn't have to give the initiative. The joke was on me though, because nobody was willing to do that for me. So I let these people go, but I don't see it as giving up. I see it as picking myself up from the rubble, standing up, and keep going, keep going even if it hurts like hell.
Then I remind myself that there are only so many times you can allow someone to let you down, before you can't handle the disappointment anymore. When circumstances change, people change. I guess there came a point in my life when I got tired of chasing after everyone and trying to fix everyone's problems. For once I wanted to be the one who gets invited to do something, who doesn't have to give the initiative. The joke was on me though, because nobody was willing to do that for me. So I let these people go, but I don't see it as giving up. I see it as picking myself up from the rubble, standing up, and keep going, keep going even if it hurts like hell.
