I have a plan in the back of my mind. It's been brewing for years, and now I think it's finally time to start the last phase. All that I am, all that I ever was, will soon be gone. Just a few more months and I'll do it. Until then there are things that still need to be done, things I have to prepare, things I must try to execute. As the hour of my awakening closes in I try to prepare myself for failure. But this time around, I'll do it better, I'll fail better. That's what life is about. It's the thinking of things I will never do, and the doing of things I may never have thought of. It's the road ahead, and the road behind. It's the first step and the last, and everything in between. The truth can indeed, set us free.
I think the hardest thing to do in life, is to pretend to be something you're not. Lying to yourself and everyone around you, every day, every single hour, is heartbreaking. I know I'm lucky and should be grateful for everything I have, for the people I have lost, who have left me and those who I've pushed away. I pretend they never mattered, that I couldn't be happier, but the truth is, I feel so incomplete, so unhappy, so empty of any hope whatsoever. I hate who we've all become.
This is defeat. The moment when you realise that a choice you made, or something you did, has utterly changed the course of your life. When the only tendancy you have is to curl up in a ball and wait for the storm to pass. But if you somehow manage to take a deep breath and look around, you might just discover a path you hadn't seen before. So as I gaze in every direction, desperately searching for a way out, it seems I only spot one way. Some say it is cowardly, others that it's an act of absolute courage. I think it doesn't really matter what it is, just that it's there in the first place.
This is defeat. The moment when you realise that a choice you made, or something you did, has utterly changed the course of your life. When the only tendancy you have is to curl up in a ball and wait for the storm to pass. But if you somehow manage to take a deep breath and look around, you might just discover a path you hadn't seen before. So as I gaze in every direction, desperately searching for a way out, it seems I only spot one way. Some say it is cowardly, others that it's an act of absolute courage. I think it doesn't really matter what it is, just that it's there in the first place.
