I realised today that I'll probably never get to see you again. And while I've moved on, and experienced everything I didn't with you, you were still my first love, and as it turns out, the love of my life. I understood that yesterday, when I was lying in the bathtub, soaking in the heat and getting lost in the smoke of substances that keep me going. The realisation came flickering at first, then it hit me with full force. I wondered how I could feel so intensely for someone I don't actually really know, someone I never truly got to be with. And there within lies the answer I was seeking, the answer I needed, to finally, after all this time, be content with how things turned out.
Nothing could have ever prepared me for what I have to go through now. It seems as if the implosion of everything I hold dear, is even more destructive than I ever dared to imagine. While the tornado gushes with powerful winds, I admit, there are times when I think of giving up the dream and accepting that my time has passed. But then I remember that I made a promise. A commitment to her and to myself that I would never back down, and that's one emblem I shall take to the grave.
