Drain the whole sea...

I need you to know that I really wanted to be strong. I wanted to grow, and be someone who can look past the mundane. Someone who can love unburdened by the obstacles life throws our way. I wanted to be someone who can be loved and someone who can love in return. Yet as it stands now, I see myself crumbling beneath the pressure of dissatisfaction. I am no more of a man than I was years ago. Not stronger or wiser or more patient. I am what I've always been, what you've accepted me as. I cannot pretend to be different. To be the person she wanted me to be. I need you to know that I tried. I tried letting go of my insecurities, of my pride, and of my inherent self-destructing nature. I tried, and I'm pretty sure that I have failed. I don't see a way to move forward. To shed my fears and embrace what is offered, instead of trying to secure what might forever stay out of my reach. These are the hardest of times. The most challenging. Those that shall impact the outcome of my life the most. I stand crying, and I lie in dread, for what is to come will hurt unlike anything before - the kind of suffrage I'm scared I won't survive.