You came in like a cloud...

Die for each other...

I feel abandoned. Love isn't always supposed to be about being in love - sometimes it has to simply be the choice to not give up. To try to move forward even when it seems impossible. I deserved a second chance, I really did, and while there's nothing more I can do to convince you to give me one, I can surely say that you'll regret not giving it to me. This too shall pass, and while I am merely at the beginning of moving on, know that I shall do so with grace and with the little dignity I have left. As of yet there is no hate or resentment, there is only happiness about what was shared, pride in what was learned, and wisdom in what was not. What lurks behind the corner is anyone's guess, Perhaps a whirlwind ride unlike any before, maybe a gentle breeze, but probably something in between.

Band-aids don't fix bullet holes...

And so ... it ends. 

Let me closer, to make it good...

Smiling will only save us for a while,

and wishing won't hide what we're missing.

Yeah, I love you,

but I shouldn't have said it yet.

And I know you feel it too,

but I was never good at playing hard to get.

If we can find a way to start the chase again,

we might rediscover love when we circle 'round the bend.

Starting the chase again...

My anxiety is tearing me apart. The next few moments are critical - both for my personal and professional life. It has not gotten easier, if anything, it is more complex than ever. I am in the final stretches of growing up, and nothing will shape me quite like these last few miles. I have already tumbled and sustained injuries, and while I've been given a second chance, I surely won't be given a third. I brace myself for impact and thrust myself towards the moon. With full speed ahead I have no other choice but to collide with every demon that's ever taken residence inside my soul. Who knows, I might just make it.

We are all alone. We are born alone, we die alone, and in spite of all the lies we tell ourselves, we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, even with all of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely - at least, not all the time - but essentially, and finally, alone. He had already accepted this truth, though he still made companionship with whatever there was around him, sometimes with the universe and sometimes with his own insignificant self. Yet the one true friend, who was always by his side, were the words he blurted on paper for no one else to read but him - let fail all else.

Our light within...

A voice in my head that keeps singing...

Loving you is hard, being here is harder...

He has never felt like this before. His guts are burning and he is almost at his wits end. He cannot control the fire, and as he is about to explode, his entire life flashes before his eyes. While most images dissipate as quickly as they manifest, one sticks out like a falling star. This is the first year he won't be by her side on the day she would have gained another year. It was a tradition he held dear, and now that it was taken from him, it is hard to maintain his anger towards the one who kept him away. He has made a mistake. A colossal one at that. Instead of thinking of himself, he thought of all of them, leaving himself in the gutter with no escape. And now it's getting dark - too dark to see.

I'm gun-slinging...

I have found myself grasping at straws, and the funny thing is, I'm not even sure why. If it's true love, why don't I feel more? I wonder if my defence-mechanisms are so hard at work that I can't quite begin to understand the complexity of this situation. How does one know when enough is enough, and the travesty of disappointment is simply too much to bear? How can you be sure that the person you swore you'd love, is the one who deserves it? And how does one say sorry, when sorry doesn't begin to cover the atrocities committed? If nothing else, I am feeling emotions I never knew existed, and as I explore who I truly am as a person, I stumble upon truths that have eluded me until now. I do not give in, and I do not give up - even for the sake of my sanity, what's left of it anyway.

The city of vampires...

Died last night in my dreams,

walking the streets of some old ghost town.

Saw all of the saints

lock up the gates -

I could not enter.

Walked into the flames,

called out your name,

but there was no answer.

Get by, baby bye bye...

The path to glory is paved with many thorns, he thought as he clawed his way through his most recent endeavours. There is no rest for the wicked, and those who chase their dreams, cannot afford to waste much time. Breaks are seldom permitted, yet should be milked to the very last drop. Do not give up hope and do not lose momentum, for the way to the moon isn't singular, and different wanderers can reach it by different means, at a pace dictated only by their hearts. 

I promise that I'll try. I'll try to do better. I'll try to be a better person, a better partner, a better man. I'm a work in progress, that is for sure. I feel I have so much more potential than I'm currently showing, and so much more to give. To share. To love. I guess my past damaged me more than I could have ever imagined or admit to myself, and if I have any say, I'll be damned before I let it reek so much havoc as it did in recent days. I have to find a way to deal with it once and for all - to banish all that is left of the timid young boy who was given a life, just so it can be taken away. Perhaps it is as simple as taking a deep breath and plummeting myself into the ocean, letting it all wash away.

High by the beach...

We died last night in my dreams...

There are some fights you cannot get back from. When words are spoken aloud and buried resentment rears its ugly head, it would take a miracle to be able to look past and move beyond. I am far from perfect, and I don't expect perfection, yet I'll be damned before I let anyone, especially someone who claims to hold my heart, disrespect the very foundations on which the bond was built. I do not know how this day will end, if I'll be alone or if I'll somehow conquer the wraiths that have taken hold of my soul, I just hope that I don't break under the pressure of being on my own. I have come too far to succumb to my basic instincts. We are deserving of love and respect, and people who don't appreciate that, perhaps aren't worth holding on to, even if it breaks our heart to let them go.

My heart is a ghost town...

I walked into the flames...

As days pass by in a far away land, where I am a different Karr all of you got to watch grow up, I find myself not recognising the image staring back at me in the mirror. It's not that I have changed that drastically, I think it's simply the fact that I don't let my inhibitions cloud my sight. I feel more stable, more in control, more at ease, and most importantly, less afraid that I'll screw everything up. I've got this. I can manage my demons and live the dream, while still doing my darnest to chase after it. The journey has only begun, and I can't help but wish as I've wished my entire life - conjuring fantasy upon fantasy, trying to live stories and not just write them. The future seems filled with so much possibility; almost too much to handle, perhaps even too much to bear. Luckily that has never stopped me before.

Letting my feelings free...

I might be anyone,

a lone fool out in the sun.

Your heartbeat of solid gold,

I love you, you'll never know.

When the daylight comes you feel so cold,

I'm too afraid of my heart to let you go.

Waiting for the fire to light,

feeling like we could do right.

Be the one that makes tonight,

cause freedom is a lonely road -

we're under control.