Along for the ride...

As shadows close in, he is once again reminded that the road ahead will be anything but paved with sunshine and laughter. The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people. For you may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. Because all of old, and nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter; try again, fail again. Fail better.

Kiss me where it's sore...

River of tears...

I've spent most of my life and most of my friendships holding my breath and hoping that when people get close enough they won't leave, and fearing that it's a matter of time before they figure me out and go. So as my mind was rushed with thoughts of you, and as I looked out at the water, I realized there was nowhere to go, nowhere left to run. And I just had to stay here, facing this terrible truth. I felt, as more tears fell, just how tired I was, a tiredness that had nothing to do with the hour. I was tired of running away from this, tired of not telling people, tired of not talking about it, tired of pretending things were fine when they had never, ever been.

Yes, I understand why things had to happen the way they did. I understand the reasons why you walked away, and why in turn I felt so much pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come if it must, I have surely gotten used to it by now, and let it wash away the dust that hurts my eyes. In this moment in time, there is nothing left for me to do, than to just go ahead and wish you well. I am certain that I shall fly before I fall, and as I will inevitably gust away towards the sky, with wind blowing through my thick brown hair, I will smile for I will know, I will know for sure that I was right.

Almost in the clear...

Tripping on skies, sipping waterfalls.

I think ... or better yet, I am certain that it is time to let go of my recent endeavour. Clearly not for eternity, but as circumstances unfold, I am left with little choice. I gave it my all, and as I plunged myself onwards, hoping to leap towards the stars, it was soon evident that the universe has a different plan. I shall surely revisit my efforts in the seasons to come, if only to cast aside doubt that I did not misinterpret the signs sent my way. Though I have been defeated, I am not sad, and would not wish for any of you to feel as if I need to be comforted or cradled. When I will re-emerge, I am confident that I will stand taller than ever. So until that moment comes, I will duck my head and lower my gaze, marching forward, step by step, dreaming the same dreams, forever wandering and always lost, yet never defeated, and each passing moment more distinctly aware of what it means to live a life worth living.

He's a villain, his sins unforgiven...

I'm going down, and you have watched me drown

in a river of tears, lost beneath the stream.

Under the waves, I've found the strength to say:

the river of tears has washed me clean.

Go 'head and wish me well,

I'll cry a wishing well,

I'll fly before I fail,

I'll set sail and drift away,

so I won't need you here.

Love sinks and hope floats

in a river of tears.

I'll cry a wishing well...

You know that thing, that terrible thing, you thought you had laid to rest? What if you didn't? You know that thing you think you finally figured out? What if you haven't? When do you know you've put something to bed? When is it finally safe to move on? Maybe you never know. Maybe you just have to test the water. You have to see how it feels. And if it feels good, I mean really good, then, hell, I say go for it. But love has boundaries. We know this. We knock them down, build them up, and knock them down again. But does it have to be that way? Can't we learn? Can't we be brave? Can't we believe? Because maybe that's all we need. A little courage. A little hope. A little belief. Maybe there are no boundaries if we choose not to see them. Maybe love is unlimited if we're just strong enough to decide that love is limitless. Maybe there's enough happy for everyone. Or maybe ... give me a minute. I'll think of something.

My aim is out of sight...

Underneath these shallow waters...

Life is funny, isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something, and feel like you know what direction you’re heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west, and you’re lost. It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction. And that’s with following all the signposts. It's funny because when you're a child, you believe you can be anything you want to be, go wherever you want to go. There's no limit to what you can dream. You expect the unexpected, you believe in magic, in fairy tales, and in possibilities. Then you grow older and that innocence is shattered and somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way and you're hit by the realization that you can't be all you wanted to be, you just might have to settle for a little bit less.

Once again, he doesn't quite know where he's headed. It seems that every few years he's shovelling up the pieces of his life and starting from scratch. Rebuilding everything that he spent precious time constructing - making sure this time around the foundations are more solid. Yet no matter what he does or how hard he tries, he can't seem to reach the dizzy heights of happiness, success, and security, like so many people around him seem to do. And it's not even about measuring the miles he's climbed or the serenity he enjoys; he just wants to reach a point in his life, where he will be able to stop in his tracks, look around, and breath a sigh of relief - for he will be home. He will be free.

Show me family...

The worst kind of pain is the one you never expect, the one inflicted by those you trust the most. When the family you had cherished for a lifetime somehow becomes twisted, and you find yourself between two fires, what was previously thought of as a troublesome past, now seems sorely insignificant. Bonds that were supposed to be sustained for a lifetime, suddenly lose their grip, and you find yourself without the safety net you relied upon. Being brothers does not necessarily mean being a brotherhood, and sometimes the person you were certain could do no wrong, turns out to be so profoundly out of line, that you can barely grasp there was any connection at all. Time is standing still, and while we wait to exhale, the entire world trembles under our feet. Blood was shed and as everyone flees back to their cave, only one thing is certain - they shall live to fight another day.

The light of day...

I feel like my life is flashing by,

and all I can do is watch and cry.

I miss the air, I miss my friends.

I miss my mother; I miss it when

life was a party to be thrown,

but that was a million years ago.

You'll always swim against the tide...

Ta osel gre očitno večkrat na led.

I think the biggest lesson I need to learn as recent hardships come to full fruition, is that I am sometimes far too trusting and in wanting to tell a good story, pursue connections that should have been severed long ago. It's fine if not everyone likes me. If some people think I'm not worth their time or attention, their respect or common decency. I'm fine with breaking a few ties - especially if they were strangling me, upsetting the delicate balance of my happiness, which I've learned to maintain in the passing months. The road ahead is filled with potholes, and if I'm to keep marching forward with my head held high, I need to practice restraint. Not everything has to be said, expressed or shouted out. Sometimes things are for me and me alone, and all one has to do, to have peace of mind, is simply walk away.

I know your soul, I'll be your home...

Keeping my head up...

I gaze towards the sky, and I realise that the last time I felt this way, was when I ran half way around the world, chasing a dream no one could see but me. Even though it's been almost five years, circumstances seem oddly familiar. I was left broken, with no means to heal, without an understanding ear, and each passing day with less resolve to get out of bed. I can barely even feel the sun as it caresses my cheeks, as if I've become this lifeless mould, unaware that it has already lost its shape. No one around me takes notice - either not caring or already on to the next best thing, and when it comes to down it, there are many to choose from. Words slip my mind, and I wonder if this time, perhaps, I won't be lucky enough to make it out alive.

The best thing for being sad, he thought as he was beginning to puff and blow, is to learn something, That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. And in such desperate time, your only choice is to learn why the world wags and what wags it. Because knowledge is the one true attribute which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. So learn something. Anything at all.

Your pain is mine...

Slowly coming back to life...

As he tries to let go of all his haunted dreams, he discovers that letting go has never felt more detrimental - as if he was walking away from an existence that almost could have led him to a happy-ever-after. He is getting older and his choices hold more weight. Every step he takes impacts the course of his story, and each stumble slows him down towards the path to greatness. He has to refocus. His dreams have been put on the back burner and the mundane has taken over his everyday. If he does not regain control of his trajectory, he might not be given another chance to steer the wheel. Everything happens so fast, and each breath feels like it could be his last. The future is coming full speed ahead, and all he can hope for is a chance to prove himself. To prove himself worthy of the success he envisioned for himself. Worthy of friendship. Worthy of love. Worthy of life.