River of tears...

I've spent most of my life and most of my friendships holding my breath and hoping that when people get close enough they won't leave, and fearing that it's a matter of time before they figure me out and go. So as my mind was rushed with thoughts of you, and as I looked out at the water, I realized there was nowhere to go, nowhere left to run. And I just had to stay here, facing this terrible truth. I felt, as more tears fell, just how tired I was, a tiredness that had nothing to do with the hour. I was tired of running away from this, tired of not telling people, tired of not talking about it, tired of pretending things were fine when they had never, ever been.

Yes, I understand why things had to happen the way they did. I understand the reasons why you walked away, and why in turn I felt so much pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come if it must, I have surely gotten used to it by now, and let it wash away the dust that hurts my eyes. In this moment in time, there is nothing left for me to do, than to just go ahead and wish you well. I am certain that I shall fly before I fall, and as I will inevitably gust away towards the sky, with wind blowing through my thick brown hair, I will smile for I will know, I will know for sure that I was right.