Thursday, June 4, 2020

A war in my mind...

I feel like such a loser. It seems that every recent endeavor I set upon leads me down a path of disappointment and failure. The worst part is that I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong. I'm following the same formula that has led me to countless victories in the past. Why is it so vastly different this time? Why does each step feel like backtracking and why does my body ache all over? Something is wrong. I feel sad again, and I can't explain why. 


Every winner is inclined to think he will be triumphant forever. Every loser tends to fear that he is going to be beaten forever. But both are wrong for the same reason; everything changes except the face of the universe. But failure generates its own majesty. Defeat becomes a panoptic stain on the soul; it creates its own all-embracing pathos. Reverses engulf us in fleshy feelings of self-pity, sorrow, and apathy. Resounding setbacks might even be subtlety attractive because it means we can give up trying. It is tempting to accept defeat, surrender to our insecurities, and admit that because of failing to accomplish one particular goal that the best part of our life was wasted. Cynically writing ourselves off as a failure, we are free to capitulate to the emptiness of our lives. Such a peaceful thought that is.