From heartbreak to happy...

I will try my best to juggle all my different ambitions and then I will see where I end up. Demons of the past whisper scenarios of failure and utter defeat in my ear. And I can quite vividly imagine all of their premonitions coming to fruition. But ... I have decided not to. I have decided not to panic, not to dive deep into the rabbit hole or follow a stream of self-destructive actions. I will take a breath and remain calm. I will remain stable and self-assured. And most importantly, I will not make compromises - nothing needs to be sacrificed for something else to be attained. I can have every single thing I want. Not in succession, but simultaneously. All at once, until happiness and accomplishment fills my every pore. Crazy, right?

Bright lights pass me in the city...

Just one caress became a symphony of passion, insatiable longing, an unquenchable desire to possess. Gasps. The sparkling touch, the embrace makes it hard to breathe. A mere short burst of brilliance, explosive need, forbidden sweet. Beneath the warmth of a dancing rainbow summer sunset, slowly tuning into the magic night with the stars flooding the sapphire skies, the sacred emerald island wildlife listens to our song, played with loving fingertips, reflected in diving deep into each other's ocean eyes.

There is a lonesome field of tall grass within which one might pass a warm dusk eve and watch the stars and fireflies bring new illumination against the periwinkle sky and amidst the faint symphony of crickets and marsh frogs. A breeze whisks over and nearly flattens the fibrous stalks, and there is a sense of renewing peace that fills the form on this eve that one might wish to carry forward into all moments thereafter - a resplendent sense of contentment. All is finally and lastingly to one’s satisfaction. And yet, right now, this notion of satisfaction seems illusory and unattainable. At these depths, it seems too like a childish game.

The devil's in the details...

I still belong...

I don't need you to worry for me, 

because I'm alright.

I don't want you to tell me 

it's time to come home.

I don't care what you say anymore 

this is my life.

Go ahead with your own, 

and leave me alone

I never said you had to offer me a second chance.

I never said I was a victim of circumstance.

Not another second chance...

Good for you...

When I get stuck, I found that I really need to get away from my everyday routine. I take a spontaneous walk, a bath, go to sleep even earlier than I usually do. I make a cake, I draw my infinite circles. I listen to the same song for a month. I try to meditate, even if I usually fail. I try to exercise more. Set myself a goal and work towards it. But whatever of those I choose, I really try not to just stick there scowling at the problem. I also try not to talk about it too much. At least not until I feel like the voices in my head are somewhat aligned. If I do, other people's opinions pour in where my resolve should be, and I am nothing if not easily influenced. I've come to terms that my success will not be obtained overnight. It will come in instalments; a little bit today, a little bit tomorrow until the whole package is given out.

One too many...

How I wish I was like the water, flowing so freely with every drop, let my every emotion wonder, no need to start, nor even stop. How I wish I was like the fire, burning with every flame up, leaving a trace of hot desire, as a Phoenix raises its wings up. How I wish I was like the earth, raising each flower from the ground, seeing the beauty of death and birth, and then returning to the ground. How I wish I was like the wind, hearing each whisper, sound and thought, a lonesome and wandering little wind, shattering all that has been sought, oh, how I wish I was where you are, not separated by empty space, so far, it seems like we're galaxies apart, but we find hope within our heart, and how I wish I was all of the above, so I can come below and yet forget, the beauty of angels which come down like a dove, and demons who love with no regret.

Coming straight from the heart...

Here's to the almost...

Each time a chapter closes, his heart sinks in a whirlpool of emotions. Walking through a canvas of moments his face is overcome with a stupid grin and a bunch of happy tunes, often shunning his foolish heart for being too emotional too caring and too idealistic. But then a breeze clutches him in a vortex of being alive, and he knows for certain that this spark is all that life is really about.

If everything didn't happen the way it happened last year, then everything would just be the same. And there's something very wrong with that thought. It wasn't supposed to remain the same, going on and on in an endless hum drum motion, repeating all the old rhythms, living in all the old lies, playing back all the same thoughts in my mind. It needed to end. Old voices had to be silenced and room had to be made for new ones. Something needed to be over so there is space for all that is yet to come. I am ready. More ready than ever.

Your drive, your power...

They said you were a hero, you played the part,

but you ruined most of what you achieved, 

don't act like it was hard.

And now you swear it will get better,

no wonder why you didn't ask.

You were sleeping in your old clothes

but now it's time to get to class.

Caught up inside myself...

Please don't bite...

It had started to drizzle. The lamp poles cast a kaleidoscope of light dancing across the puddles in the road. The rain made him feel even more lost now, as if these shadowy events were invisible to the world. As if the night was cloaked in anonymity. This wasn't a peaceful rain - it was a sad one. A drizzle, which wept for the inevitable. He knew even if he somehow made it out alive, the cuts on his life had already been made, pooling the blood of consequence beneath his feet as the night dragged on. Whichever way he went, he'd have scars from this night. Scars and scabs and things which could not be spoken of. And that made him feel utterly hopeless.

My head and my heart...

Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence. And I did. I accepted it all, yet all I could think about as I stood there was that sometimes life gave you a tragedy that burned everything you knew to the ground and changed you completely. But somehow, if you really wanted to, you could learn how to hold your breath as you made your way through the smoke left in its wake and you could keep going. And sometimes, sometimes, you could grow something beautiful from the ashes that were left behind. If you were lucky.

I'm good at rolling the dice...

Make a promise, then keep it...

It's beautiful, it's bittersweet,

you're like a broken home to me.

I take a shot of memories,

and black out like an empty street.

I fill my days with the way we talk,

and fill my nights with broken dreams.

I make up lies inside my head,

like one day it will be okay. 

Catch me by surprise...

Practice humility. Shine a light on others, give your teammates credit, volunteer to help, take accountability, seek out feedback, ask others for their opinion, truly listen to people and be open to having your mind changed. Embrace mentorship. Rely on others to assist you, challenge your thinking and celebrate you. Create your inner circle. Identify four to five irreplaceable, intentional friends in your life and intensely develop those relationships; choose people who already have a vested interest in your success. Sounds easy, right?

Leaders are not, as we are often led to think, people who go along with huge crowds following them. Leaders are people who go their own way without caring, or even looking to see, whether anyone is following them. They don't have the qualities that enable them to attract followers, but those that enable them to do without anyone following their path. They include, at the very least, courage, endurance, patience, humor, flexibility, resourcefulness, stubbornness, a keen sense of reality, and the ability to keep a cool and clear head, even when things are going badly. I wonder if I have what it takes, and if a true leader would wonder at all.