Add, subtract, divide...

The stars are brilliant at this time of night and I wander these streets like a ritual I don't dare to break for the times are quite glorious. If someone would have screamed my name I wouldn't have heard for I've said goodbye so many times in my short life that farewells are a muscular task and I've taught them well.

There's a place by the side of the river that I used to take long walks to and burry things to start anew. I used to go there to say goodbye. And I built my rituals in farewells - somehow endings I still cling to. I know a broken promise from a right one for I have used them myself and there is no coming back. Minds like ours can't be tamed and the price for freedom is the price we pay. And it is quite wonderful, setting fire to my chains and flames on written words and I stand there, staring deep into the heat until they’re all gone. And if you see a fire from the shore tonight it's my chains going up in flames. The moon is quite glorious indeed.

I need more time but time can't be borrowed...

Maybe from as early as when I was five or six, there's been a whisper going at the back of my head, saying: “One day, maybe not so long from now, you'll get to know how it feels.” So there I was. Waiting.  Waiting for the moment when it would become clearly evident that I really am different to them; that there are people out there, who don't hate me or wish me any harm, but who nevertheless shudder at the very thought of me, and who dread the idea of my hand brushing against theirs. The first time I glimpsed myself through the eyes of a person like that, it was a very cold moment indeed. It was like walking past a mirror I've walked past every day of my life, and suddenly it showed me something else, something troubling and strange.

Road shimmer, wiggling the vision...

Letting the days go by, 

let the water hold me down.

Letting the days go by, 

water flowing underground.

Into the blue again, 

into the silent water.

Under the rocks and stones, 

there is water underground.

Once in a lifetime...

And there I was at night, chasing after the full moon behind the clouds like a mad man, without daring to light up the spark of light that I had left within myself. It was nowhere to be seen, but I felt it was out there somewhere. I've surely seen it a couple of days ago up in the sky and my eyes couldn't have lied to me, it was so beautiful, or so it appeared to be. I guess I have to stop stalking what can't be seen for awhile and let the light of the full moon find its way through my chasing up soul. Maybe it's time to go to sleep and trust that another sunrise will renew what the full moon couldn't clear away tonight. In any case, what a crucial moment to be alive!

Water flowing underground...

Cross my heart, hope to die...

"You will never be alone", he hears so deep a sound when spring finally arrives. Yellow pulls across the hills and thrums, and the silence echoes as the sky is still and cloudless - almost offering an apology for all that came before. He was aimed from birth: he will never be alone. The sun will come, glazing his checks and leaving a calming redness. Then comes a warming bliss, to offer sweet long aisles of which he never heard so deep a sound, moss on rock, and years. He turns his head, that's what the silence meant: he is not alone. The whole wide world looks down on him.

Every person in this world has convictions about right and wrong. They are our soul's riches, our spiritual gold. And when our conduct is at variance with these, we know that it is a departure, a falling; and this is a simple and clear matter. If falling were all that ever happened to us, though, all our days would be a simple matter of striving and repentance. But it is not all. We stumble upon certain junctures, crises, when life, like a highwayman, springs upon us, demanding that we stand and deliver our convictions in the name of some righteous cause, bidding us do evil that good may come.

Something in the way...

To the moon in the sky above...

Got to tell you how you thrill me,

I'm happy as I can be.

You have come,

and it's changed my whole world.

Bye-bye sadness, hello mellow,

what a wonderful day.

Crossed a bridge you can't follow...

I am too alone in the world, and yet not nearly enough to make every moment holy. I am too tiny, but not little enough just to lie before you like a thing, shrewd and secretive. I want my own will, and I want simply to be with myself, as I go toward action; and in those quiet, sometimes hardly moving times, when something is coming near, I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone. I want to unfold. I don't want to stay folded anywhere, because where I am folded, there I am a lie. And I want my grasp of things to be true before you. I want to describe myself like a painting that I looked at closely for a long time, like a saying that I finally understood, like the pitcher I use every day, like the face of my mother, like a ship that carried me through the wildest storm of all.

Never too much...

You know it just as well as me...

I am done with this phase. It has gone on far enough and even if I am still not at a hundred, I will pretend I am until it comes true. I have set it aside as something I have finished. Complete or no, it is done with me. And while I still can't truly decide what my life is supposed to look like, I am done basking in the fulfilment of doom. I want to be a man that is able to move on and learn from his downfalls. To recognise where I am, and where I can go from here. If I accept my life, I might just survive it. If I hold back from it, insisting it is not mine, not where I am meant to be, life will pass me by. And I may not die from such foolishness, but I might as well be dead for all the good my life will do to me or anyone else.

The moon is bright against the worrying sky...

Treasures are hidden away in quiet places. They speak in soft tones and often become silenced as we approach. They don’t beg to be found, but embrace us if we do happen to find them. They are the product of completely ordinary circumstances unfolding in wonderfully extraordinary ways. They are found hidden in the nooks and crannies of our existence; all around us if we stop allowing our attention to be captivated by that which is noisy and listen for that which is quiet and still.

Sometimes it feels like I'm going nowhere or that I'm headed in the wrong direction. I'm trying to learn that the direction is very rarely the point. The point is becoming more fully myself in the presence of the universe and being honest about where I am and what I need and then looking around in my own circle for people who are willing to walk with me. I have actually become convinced that the cosmos is less interested in where we end up, and far more in who we are becoming. Whether I am getting promoted or pushed further down the drain, encouraged or discouraged, filled with vision or fumbling in the fog. More than anything, I just want to be content and on my way.

There's no need to hide...

I don't know when or how today...

Now the tide is rolling in,

I don't wanna win.

Let it take me, let it take me,

I'll be on my way.

How long can I stay?

In a place that can't contain me.

You know I'll find it...

You know I'm tired...

I'll be on my way

in the place that can't contain me.

When I speak to the universe, it goes by default, that I ask way too much of it. Sometimes I even find myself demanding circumstances unfold in ways even I realise would be completely ludicrous. What I need to learn, as fast as possible, is to just ask enough for the moment, not for the whole year, utterly veiled in mystery; not even for the week, the month ahead; but just for today. I will ask for a sufficiency of strength, courage, hope and light. Enough courage for the step ahead - not for the further miles. Enough strength for the immediate task or ordeal. Enough material gain to enable me to meet my daily obligations. Enough light to see the path - right before my feet.