I think I need a purge of my fantasies because it's starting to feel like I've stuck my head in the sand while everything is falling down around me. I can't ignore the damage. I have to track the exact trajectory of the hurricane because knowing the precise moment it'll hit and where will make things hurt less. At least, my brain is convinced this is so. The world outside feels so insubstantial and irrelevant, like a video game environment that's still buffering. Sometimes, I do manage to forget it all for a moment, but then my focus slips, and then my breathing quickens, and my head swims, and once again, the fantasy takes hold. Paradoxically it's the only thing that calms things down.
