The time has come to face the music...

And I will turn off, and I will shut down,

burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground.

And I lie, not because I want to,

but because I seem to need to all the time.

So now I rush into the extreme,

to witness what I've already seen.

I confess to treason...

When I was younger, I had a lot more self control. If I was tempted I would run the other way. If I knew I couldn't handle it, I made sure I did as little damage as possible. I told the truth no matter what. It's how I was raised, it's what she always told me to do. But as I got older, I began to lie. About little things at first, which didn't really matter. Then it started to escalate. I used lies to get what I want, when I wanted it, and I wanted so many things. I didn't realise I was spiralling out of control until it was too late. I was no longer able to differentiate between the world I created and the world I was living in. So now I'm at a place where I don't think anymore. I just act, without contemplating the consequences of my actions. Now I lie, without even knowing it, without even knowing why.

I close my eyes and try to convince myself that this is where I want to be. I try to forget all the memories. I try to forget love, because as it seems, love has forgotten me. Pretty soon, I won't remember a thing. I shall be like a distant star, always there, but never really. As I say goodbye to all that once was, I stumble upon a piece I know I cannot get rid of. It's a promise, a pact I made long ago. And to whom it may concern, I would like to share the content of that promise. At the time, it felt so right and true. Now I realise how much harder it will be to uphold. It was nothing special, just a boy looking inward and vowing to never live the life they want for him, but to live the life he wanted for himself, even if that meant living alone.

Thus spoke Jenny Schecter...

Maybe this is all part of my flawed design...