When I was younger, I had a lot more self control. If I was tempted I would run the other way. If I knew I couldn't handle it, I made sure I did as little damage as possible. I told the truth no matter what. It's how I was raised, it's what she always told me to do. But as I got older, I began to lie. About little things at first, which didn't really matter. Then it started to escalate. I used lies to get what I want, when I wanted it, and I wanted so many things. I didn't realise I was spiralling out of control until it was too late. I was no longer able to differentiate between the world I created and the world I was living in. So now I'm at a place where I don't think anymore. I just act, without contemplating the consequences of my actions. Now I lie, without even knowing it, without even knowing why.
I close my eyes and try to convince myself that this is where I want to be. I try to forget all the memories. I try to forget love, because as it seems, love has forgotten me. Pretty soon, I won't remember a thing. I shall be like a distant star, always there, but never really. As I say goodbye to all that once was, I stumble upon a piece I know I cannot get rid of. It's a promise, a pact I made long ago. And to whom it may concern, I would like to share the content of that promise. At the time, it felt so right and true. Now I realise how much harder it will be to uphold. It was nothing special, just a boy looking inward and vowing to never live the life they want for him, but to live the life he wanted for himself, even if that meant living alone.
