Living with life is very hard. Mostly we do our best to stifle it - to be tame or to be wanton. To be tranquillised or raging. Extremes have the same effect; they insulate us from the intensity of life. And extremes - whether of dullness or fury - successfully prevent feeling, which can sometimes be so unbearable that we employ ingenious unconscious strategies to keep those feelings away. We do a swap, where we avoid being sad or lonely or afraid or inadequate, and feel angry instead. It can work the other way, too - sometimes you do need to feel angry, not inadequate; sometimes you do need to feel love and acceptance, and not the tragic drama of your life.
Virtues in times like these can be too difficult as well. Look how old we are and we've hardly made a dent in them. I'll admit, I seem to have zeal nailed, as well as faith and temperance. Self control? I've got my doubts based on my recent actions. I'm also not seeing as much kindness, love or generosity, either. That humility thing seems to be pretty far beyond my reach, too. Really, really far. I can freely admit, from what I can see from recent events, the sin of pride is a major component of my character. I should have these things pretty well ticked off my shopping list by now. I'm quite disappointed in myself. Quite.
