There is no spoon...

Gratitude, appreciation, giving thanks. No matter what words you use it all means the same thing. Happy. We’re supposed to be happy. Grateful for friends, family. Happy just to be alive. Whether we like it or not.

Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful is recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciate small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we’re thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we’re thankful for things we’ll never know.

At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing … is reason enough to celebrate...

Farewell my pet...

In life, only one thing is certain, no matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You're going to hurt people. You're going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, there's really only one thing you can say... Forgive and forget. That's what they say...

It's good advice, but it's not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for is that one day we'll be lucky enough to forget...

Powerless...

There are a lot of things I want to change. Be it myself or the world around me. If anything is true it is this: change comes with a need not a desire. You can wish for something to happen a million times a day, yet wanting something to change isn't enough. I may want to be a better person, but why? There's no need for me to be...

I may want to change the way people perceive me through their senses, yet is there an actual need for it?

So now the question remains... How do we translate that "desire" into "need"? Only one way has been revealed to me so far, and that is to simply to let yourself hit rock bottom... It is from there that everyone "needs" to get up, get away and transform what was previously their wish into something they can't live without... A need...

You've been Karred...

You'll never get anything if you don't ask for it...

Then if you ask for it and don't get,

maybe it wasn't worth having in the first place...

Some things just aren't meant to be,

no matter how much we wish they were...

Raindrops keep falling...

Did you ever ask yourself the simplest question; why do I do all the things I do? The answer is pretty simple: because you can. The universal rule that I found to be true. Why do we humiliate others? Because we were put into a position that allows us to. Why are we nice? Because we have the ability to spread our wealth…

Most people say that there are countless motives for why we do the things we do. I believe two kinds of people exist. Those who realize they needn't have complex reasons to rationalize their actions and those who realize that doing things for any other reason than the sheer fact of knowing that you can, is bullshit. Do things, not because you feel you should do them, do things because you can…

With tired eyes, tired souls, we sleep...

Je to malo ali vse,

a zahtevamo preveč ali pač ne?

Tudi čez tisoč let tu bom stal,

sonce bo moje srce,

ena od tisoč zvezd mi bo prav,

nosil bom njeno ime!

In že jutri spet bo to,

kar že včeraj je bilo.

In že jutri spet bo to,

kar nam včeraj je bilo...

Drowning on dry land...

Like I said, disappearances happen. Pains go phantom, blood stops running, and people fade away. There's more I have to say. So much more.

Things happen - we can't explain them, we can't control them, but they do happen. Miracles do happen. They happen all the time, just not always when we need them to happen. At the end of a day like this, a day when so many prayers are answered and so many aren't. we take our miracles where we find them. We reach across the gap and sometimes, against all odds, against all logic, we touch.

Stand by me...

I don't lend myself well to the making of friends, maybe because life and mortality was in my face my entire childhood, maybe because I was staring down deaths door everyday and I was forced to know that life, every minute is just borrowed time...

Each person we let ourselves care about is just one more loss somewhere down the line. For that reason I spent a long time simply not bothering to make friends at all... But now I see it as my job to push the line, to push each loss as far away as I can, and try to live life the way she would want me to, the way she always dreamt I would...

I will turn off, I will shut down...

Now that it's all said and done...

I can't believe you were the one,

to build me up and tear me down.

Well, I never saw it coming,

I should have started running,

a long, long time ago.

Now I'm picking up the pieces

and taking a hammer to these walls...

Funeral blues...

I’ve been to two funerals in my life. One was for the person to whom I will always look up to and cherish the other I attended today and it was for Her brother… Both were similar but at the same time so very different…

Emotions at the first raged from depression, to denial, to anger… While at the second the only thing I could feel was envy… I did not envy the fact that he died, I envied the fact that he knew Her, like I will never be able to. There are so many things still left unanswered, so many things I still want to know, I still need to know… Yet it was at this man’s funeral that I couldn’t even fake a tear, let alone shed one out of grief…

The entire wake my mind soared from thoughts of Her… And that dreadful song that would forever remind me of what I have forever lost…

An affair to remember...

Okay so sometimes even the best of us make rash decisions. Bad decisions. Decisions we pretty much know we’re gonna regret the moment, the minute, especially the morning after. I mean maybe not regret, regret because at least you know we put ourselves out there. But still…

Something inside us decides to do a crazy thing. A thing we know that’ll probably turn around and bite us in the ass. Yet, we do it anyway. One way or another, our karma, will lead us to face ourselves. We can look our karma in the eye or we can wait for it to sneak up on us from behind. Either way, our karma will always find us. No matter how hard we try, we can’t escape our karma. It follows us home.

I guess we can’t really complain about karma. It’s not unfair. It’s not unexpected. It just … evens the score. And even when we’re about to do something we know will tempt karma to bite us in the ass…
… well it goes without saying…
… we do it anyway.

Because of you...

I was once a person who enjoyed life, who was able to feel and express a whole pallet of emotions. Today I am merely a broken shell of what I used to be...

I'm one of those people that likes to run, but strangely not for the exercise, but at moments I am confused wheter I'm alive or not, because I simply cannot feel anything... So I run... Both litteraly and methaporically... I run till my heart pounds so hard that I want to rip it our of my body. It is then that I feel alive again...

Sometimes I wonder what happened for me to turn out this way, but a gentle glance at my past clearly points out the moments that broke me... I look back to those moments a lot... Death, anger, betrayal, shame...

The really funny part is that I'm not sure if I want to be "fixed"... The one thing I do know is that all the walls I put up to protect what's left of my inner self will need a freaking buldozer to be taken down...

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep at night... In the pain there is healing...

Rather red than beige…

49% of the people around me, can't stand to look at me, and despises me, even though they don’t know me. 50% of the people that know me pretend to like me… The other 50% that know me either label me with words that no one really deserves to hear. The 1% that really know me and sort of like me, I push away. I literally throw myself into people’s faces, challenging them to hate me…

It’s not an easy life, but it’s a life I choose any day… Because the alternative is way more terrifying… Be beige and slowly but surely fade away, or be red and fire people’s hearts… That choice is a no brainer for me…

I Choose to be red… I choose to dare people to hate me… I choose to be red…

Here I stand to save the day...

Alone again I understand

that it's all my fault what's done

what's left behind...

No one cares of what I say

sadness lies right in my eyes,

but I still carry on...

I keep the faith

and still believe,

that all of my mistakes

were not so big at all...

Sadness lies right in my eyes but I still carry on...

All you can do is keep breathing...

Did you ever put countless hours of work into something, and then when everything was finished you realized that it's basically the same as it was in the beginning. But the really funny thing is that you started all the madness because you weren’t happy with how it was, how you pictured it t0 be…

So what does it all mean? That it wasn’t really as bad as you thought, or that you simply do not possess the ability to change it, or something that is completely different. Perhaps it’s not about transforming it, maybe it’s about going on that trip of trying to change it, so it can lead you back to somewhere you haven’t been before, to something new, something exciting, that makes you think again…

I guess I won’t know until I reach the end but for now all I know is this; the more things change, the more they stay the same…