I hate making decisions. Especially between things that I deem are of equal importance. Because how can you ever know which one is right? Without experiencing both, passing judgement on which was indeed the right choice is impossible. Yet I just keep stumbling onto circumstances that fuel the battle between meaning and happiness. A battle that I have been fighting for what feels like an eternity...
I try to weigh the costs and analyse the benefits of both options. But it's really a lot harder than it sounds, because it's like comparing apples and oranges. Both have completely different advantages and disadvantages. Both present a unique opportunity, one that I can never get back, and as always I can't have both. I have to choose...
The funny thing is that I already know what I'm going to do. All I'm doing now is remorsing the fact that I once again can't have my cake and eat it too. One would think that I would be used to it by now. But to tell you the truth, it still hurts like hell, because I know that I can never go back and see what the other choice would be like. The best thing I can do now, is to stop obsessing so much about the future and try to focus on what's right infront of me. Because all the anxiety is pointless in the end, it only makes things worse. So I'm just going to stop. Stop worrying. Stop the paranoia. Just stop, and be here, just as I am...
