I'm trapped. In this mystical place between my future and my past, and I'm not sure which one I want more. I keep telling myself it's only natural - to dream of a summer love from long ago, or nights I spent with friends I used to know. These people, every single one of them, changed me, made me better, but they have long since disappeared. Part of me wants them back. God how I hate to admit it. That's the funny part. Like admitting I miss people or things or times long ago made me weak. I realise now, it doesn't. So I curl up by my window and stare off into the stars, dreaming of my future and the love and friends I have yet to meet, while never forgetting where I came from and who stood by my side...
I've decided to let go of the wheel - let it go completely. Maybe I'll finally end up right where I belong. What scares me most, is the fact that I'm not afraid anymore. Being numb is the worst feeling in the world - I need to let go, there's nothing else to do. Even if I fall, which seems inevitable at this point, it's still better than being here, than holding on to this life, to this lie. All my life I've searched for something, for anything to make me whole. Now after all these years, I've gained the courage to gaze inward, and as a single flash of lightning, ripping through the sky, the truth dawned upon me - I was never really broken...
I believe we write our own stories, we pave our own road. And as I try to pick up the pen of my life, I shiver. Nothing was ever so clear, than the realisation that I don't know what to write, that I don't know how I want my story to unfold. It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up, when you know, it's everything you ever wanted...
