And so it goes as never before. Tomorrow the curtains fall and the dam will finally shatter. For too long have the vast and unruly waters of my soul been trapped within this meaningless facade. For too long has my spirit been warded by lesser beings. No longer shall I succumb to their expectations, while my inner self is refused freedom. It has been a long time coming, and none of you really understand how long it's actually been. I know. I know for sure, and I've always known. But because I chose a different journey, I decided to keep it hidden. I was afraid someone could use the truth against me. But now, the truth can no longer be contained. It roars, and hungers for life. My life. I am merely a vessel, I realise that now. It's not about me or my story. It's about the truth living through me, by me, in me. It's about this entity far beyond my reach, one I can only sense, but never see. It's about infinity.
I've made it a habbit to walk in the morally grey. To push boundries of right and wrong, and not think of my choices as inherently good or bad. I've always been a master at it, and I was able to rationalise just about anything. I need you to know, how sorry I am. Not because I supposedly stole, or because I reluctantly went behind your back. Mostly I'm sorry because I disappointed you. I was supposed to be more, I was supposed to be better. But as it seems, I am the worst kind. I manipulate, I cheat, I lie, I play the game. It's how I've always been, it's how I've always thought I should be. Now for the first time in my life, I started questioning myself. For the first time, I actually give a damn about someone else than me.
I've made it a habbit to walk in the morally grey. To push boundries of right and wrong, and not think of my choices as inherently good or bad. I've always been a master at it, and I was able to rationalise just about anything. I need you to know, how sorry I am. Not because I supposedly stole, or because I reluctantly went behind your back. Mostly I'm sorry because I disappointed you. I was supposed to be more, I was supposed to be better. But as it seems, I am the worst kind. I manipulate, I cheat, I lie, I play the game. It's how I've always been, it's how I've always thought I should be. Now for the first time in my life, I started questioning myself. For the first time, I actually give a damn about someone else than me.
