My dog days are over...

Did you ever notice, how you can be in the middle of doing something and then suddenly, out of nowhere, you remember how things started? Like the first time we held hands, or the first time I dreamt of the future I clinge to? When I conjure those moments in my head, I can't help but feel a sense of accomplishment, a sense of pride in the journey left behind. Just look at me, look at us, how far we've come, how long it has been, and how much happier we are. It almost brings tears to my eyes, thinking of everything I got to experience, and it fills my soul with anxiety, thinking of all the things still waiting for me. What didn't kill me, truly made me stronger, and the day I fell apart, was only my beginning.

Never could I have imagined that I would end up here. With people who make me happier than I've ever been, and who love me unlike anyone before. We somehow found each other in the dark, and together we rose up to the light. As corny as it may sound, I think I really might make it this time around. It was not easy to get here, so the feeling of satisfaction is so much greater. I've struggled and wept tears, and most of you can attest to the fact that this whole process of finding myself has been one hell of a ride. And while I'm still not sure I'm quite at the finish line, I know that I have people in my life, who'll help me get there. So as I grow one year older, the smile on my face has never been bigger, and the potential I see for the future, shines brighter than the sun.

The simple truths I try to hide...

He's just a little bit caught in the middle, because even still, for him life is a maze and love is a riddle. He doesn't know where to go or how to get there, all he knows is that he can't do it alone. He wants to slow it down, to make it stop and he's always afraid his heart is going to pop. He's lost in the moment, he's scared but he doesn't want to show it. The sun in the sky shines on him like a giant spotlight, he follows the signs, tries to synchronize in time, and just enjoy the show. Yet there are things he cannot do, things he cannot know, and it's just too much to be something he's not. Like a fool out of love, he just can't get enough. Like a joke that nobody knows, he can't figure out what's bringing him down. He tries and tries, he hopes and hopes, he fights and bleeds, all for the sake of his sanity. So that one day he may say, with conviction and a smile on his face, that he truly shot for his dreams.

Sometimes I'm so blind...

I've drowned and dreamt this moment...

On the health that's regained,

on the perils of old days,

on the hope with no past,

I'm writing your name.

Days like today, make me question if I'll be strong enough to march towards the dreams I dream. As I crumble under pressure and fail greater and unlike ever before, I wonder if I'm cut out for this, for this life. I can see myself so clearly on top of the mountain, I'm just not sure if I have the strength for the climb. I should be better at this, at taking critisism, but I too, am not as confident as it may seem. I guess life has a way of teaching us lessons even when we don't want to, even when we feel like there's nothing more we can handle, like there's nothing more we can do. Days like today remind me where I am, and how fucking long the road is to where I want to go.

I fell in love with someone who promised to make me laugh every single day of my life. I fell in love with the constant feeling of being anchored to someone who makes the crash of the waves bearable, someone who makes me stronger. I fell in love with someone who is greater than both of us combined and someone who defies superstitions. I fell in love with someone who calls me friend, lover and soulmate, someone who completes my heart. I fell in love with someone who lets me be wrong and wades in the mistakes with me. I fell in love with someone who makes me believe we'll make it through anything and that there are better days to come. I fell in love with you.

We'll just go with the seasons...

I was so high I did not recognise

the fire burning in my eyes,

the chaos that controlled my mind.

I keep playing love like it's a game,

hoping we both feel the same,

that I don't turn around and leave again.

I'll fix these broken things,

I'll prepare my broken wings,

and make sure we take flight.

Plummeting towards my every dream...

Can it be? Did he conjure you? One not afraid, with a mind that cannot be contained. With a life engaged and with a love not selfish or closed. Simply someone to believe in. Is it possible? Can it be? Can you make your own heaven in this life? Can you make it all you ever wanted? Did all the waiting and sacrifice finally pay off? Did the storms lose hold and did sunlight find its way through the dark? He ponders and wonders and asks questions he knows can never truly be answered, yet for the time, they needn't be, because the world has never felt so calm, so right. The winds are soft and his resolve holds steady. The stars turn into diamonds in the sky, the moon becomes the sun and he is catapulted towards his destiny - whatever it might be.

I can feel it in the air...

We keep being reminded how small we are, how the universe dictates our fates, how they unfold and how the choices we make, aren't really ours to begin with. It illuminates how fragile and small we truly are, when the magic of creation collides with bangs and whispers of our existence. We are a generation written off and discarded as stuck in our own selfishness and in our childhood notions we should have grown out of years ago. I am the lost, the forever searching, the always dreaming boy who represents our inherent struggle to find ourselves in each other and in ourselves. I am just young enough to remember the ecstasy of reaching for the stars, old enough to know that I'll probably end up falling beneath my feet, and naive enough to never stop trying. Now I am standing on a cliff, where I swear, I can see the turn of the world, and for a fleeting moment, I am not afraid.

As another day passes me by, I am left wondering if this is what it feels like to be happy. I think I'm as close to it as I've ever been, but still, even with all the joy in my life, I can't seem to let myself be engulfed by it. Most parts of me want to burst from euphoria, but then there are also those small pieces, like insects crawling inside of me, reminding me that I'll always be the boy looking out the window, instead of being in the room. I don't know what made me into this person, and the saddest part is, I think I like being this way, and even go so far as to maintain it, to nurture it. So tell me, where does one go from here, how long do I have to climb on this mountain of mine? The future is coming at the speed of sound and if it falls apart I'll be the only one to blame, then I'll once again be that boy, the one who gets it all, just to throw it all away.

We almost have it all...

If you love me, won't you let me know?

A love back home unfolds...

And of course, you came crawling into my head today. So much time has passed and so many things have changed, but to this day I ponder, quietly and with restraint, if perhaps our time shall one day come. I'm not even sure how I'd react if I saw you again, because I've moved on in so many ways, to so many greater things, to someone who makes me feel as special and safe as I never thought a single person could. I love deeper and with unabiding conviction, with a truer sense of who I am, and where I want to go. Yet still, even after all this time, I sometimes think of you, where you are, what you're doing and who you're doing it with. I guess they were right when they told me that I'll never forget my first love, even when the love I have now, is better in every single way. I think I can't move on, because you still have a piece of me - one I gave up and you never returned. One you ravaged from my soul and hid away somewhere, somewhere I can't seem to find. Perhaps one day, when our paths shall cross again, I'll get to steal it back. Until then, I will store those feelings far below, and enjoy with all my heart, the love that will never let me go.

Freezing together down below...

It's you, it's you, it's all for you,

everything I do,

I tell you all the time,

heaven is a place on earth with you.

It's better than I ever even knew,

they say that the world was built for two,

only worth living if somebody is loving you,

and baby, now you do.

He'll never try, he'll never know...

I think people who are like me, people who are like us, got left behind somewhere. Hopeless romantics wandering through this plane of unimagined existence, trying to escape from the past we clinge to, and grasp the future we solemnly fear. We look at the stars and see our dreams conjure before our very eyes. We gaze at the moon and make wish upon wish, hoping the vast power of the universe heeds our call. We love foolishly and too often, always with full force and little judgement. We wait for moments, and once they arrive, we lose ourselves in them, dying for the chance to live a life worth living - one of choices that alter the very fabric of our being. We are the lost souls, forever set upon the boulevard of broken hearts, with a single tear in our eyes, that stupid grin on our face and the willpower in our mind, to never give up.

He is left with little to say, and the impossible to overcome. With fewer people each passing month, and greater challenges ahead. With a blunt sword and shattered shield. With fading stamina and a blurry vision. With blood shot eyes and a voice barely able to scream. With pride in his soul and solace in his heart. With resolve in his stride and with pain in his body. With all of this, even after everything, even against all odds, even against everyone who ever stood by his side, he will try to fix you.

I'd be nothing without you...

We're forever united here somehow.

I've always been bad at saying sorry, but more so, I've always been awful at forgiving. I hold grudges long since forgotten, and I refuse to give in. I guess I've been brought up to be a proud person, sometimes I just wonder if pride gets in the way of my happy ever after. I contemplate what my life would look like without the people who saved me, without the people who were there, when my world fell apart. Yet today, these very same people, no longer hold any sway in my life. I'm not really sure how our paths seperated, perhaps we all changed ever so slightly, to entities which cannot collide. It still makes me sad, how those I once held so dear, are unrecognisable as our eyes meet across a crowded room. I hope they think of me as fondly as I do of them, for even though words have lost all meaning, the journey we once travelled, and the stories we once wrote, are infinite. We are infinite. 

Time has brought your heart to me...

As he travelled through thin and thick just to hold your hand and lay in your embrace, he suddenly understood the journey he had to survive to get to this moment. To this instant in time where two souls, once seperated by miles and heartache, find each other and form an indestructible union. One shaped by the callous disregard for the world and inherent selfishness of true love. For together they are the makers of music, they are the dreamers of dreams, wandering by lone sea-breakers, and sitting by desolate streams. It seems the parts that have died, while we waited for our fates to intertwine, healed as our lips touched, and the fragments of our broken soul, which we lost to past mistakes, miraculously found their way back to us, and then in a flash, and perhaps only for a second - the world was such a beautiful place.

As life moves forward and as circumstances unfold in ways I can't quite predict, I am left in awe of how little I still know, and how much more I still need to learn. I realise I'm not ready yet, and for whatever cause, I'm not in a rush to get there anymore. Step by step, inch by inch I move towards the dream I've always dreamt, and as time stands still, I will be brave when facing the hardships ahead, and the failures I'm sure to experience. While I contemplate ending this thing, this thing we created, know that my stories shall forever remain ours, and your solace will always keep me afloat, and that in itself is reason enough to celebrate.

Every hour has come to this...

You've got the love I need to see me through...

As the aspect of my life, which has long been in slumber, finally plummets towards the sky, I find myself losing battles on the path I have set upon, before our hands found one another. I did not expect it to come easy, because when I exhale my last breath, I want a story of hardship and defeat, and above all, a story of endurance and willpower, one of impossible scenarios and improbable outcomes. So what does one do, on days like this one? On days when our confidence takes a heavy blow, and a dark cloud descends upon the road ahead. How does one react, how does one move forward? Maybe we're not supposed to leave unscarred, perhaps we have to collect them, nourish them, and feed off them. I have so much more to accomplish, and so much more I want to do, and in the thousand years I still have, I might just reach it.

This is my face of letting go...

Tell me the wars you're fighting,

behind the smile you're hiding,

and all the things I know you want to scream.

So I'll just say what you won't say,

and I'll take the blame, if it's for your sake,

because there's no turning back

and there's so many things we can't save.

I tried to remember the prison cell,

the one that used to be a shelter.

Now I'm just looking for a way out,

and I can't fight you anymore,

I've already got one foot out the door.