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My thoughts keep crashing upon themselves and I cannot, as hard as I try, figure out where the universe is leading me. It has given me things I never expected to get, and as I dread my inevitable spiral out of control, I am left wondering if perhaps this time, against all odds, things will turn out in my favour. Never before have I stood so closely to the precipice of change, and so fearlessly mocked the very notion that I could fail. I am no longer a child - my decisions matter. Who I hurt, who I let in, who I promise to love - all of these things mean something, they indicate who I am, who I'll become. What scares me most is that my future won't be anything like I imagined, like I wished for, that I'll have to succumb to the fact that I am meant for a life different than I dreamt of. I think ... I need to go silent for awhile. Again. I cannot write what I cannot understand, and I surely do not understand recent circumstances, which with each passing moment seem more unreal than before - more magical than I could have ever imagined.
