Chasing my mind...

Zaprt sem v grozečem stanju čakanja minevanja. Vsak korak se zdi napačen in dlje kot čakam, da na svoji poti ponovno najdem smisel, bolj se mi ugreza zemlja pod nogami. Strah me. Prvič po dolgem času zares strah. Strah, da sem zapravil priložnost, ki v resnici nikoli ni bila moja. Strah me je, da sem jo razočaral - tako globoko, da je obupala nad menoj. Kljub trepetu zadržujem solze in se skušam spomniti, da nič ni nikoli tako slabo kot se zdi in da me morda izza vogala čaka nekaj, kar si v trenutnem stanju niti ne znam predstavljati. Kaj pa vem ...

When I felt the magnitude of losing you, I quickly figured out this trick for dealing with the pain. Because it would come in waves, and sometimes they would come with such force, that I'd be completely overcome. And then, just like a wave, eventually it passed, so I'd just start to count. One, two, three, sometimes twenty sometimes a hundred. Sometimes I make it all the way up to three thousand. I knew if I could just keep on counting, that eventually it would pass. So now, as I find myself in dire circumstances once more, I tried that again. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and I'd be sweating and I'd just feel that darkness bearing down on me and I'd try counting, but this time it just wouldn't work because it's too dark and I'd forget the numbers, and I'd forget what order they're supposed to come in, and even then I thought if I could just start from scratch, if I could just move think of another number, any number, that eventually everything was going to get better. It's not getting better. It's getting worse.