Lights go on, the music dies...

I tried. I really did. I tried to be a better person. A better friend. A better brother. But even I cannot pretend that my recent unravelling has left me without scars. I am only human, and I fear that I have gambled with everything I have, and lost. Lost so inherently that I scatter to find my last chips just to stay in the game. My life spirals back to the beginning and I am faced with the simple yet devastating notion that despite what I believed, good things don't happen to good people, and the dreams we dream are no better than the ash I once again sweep off my shoe.

So as I was in the middle of the biggest breakdown of my life, I stopped crying just long enough to let the words of my epiphany really sink in. The realisation that I set down a path with literally nothing to show for it, only made me cry harder. Not only is there obviously no right or wrong, but what goes around clearly does not come around. Karma doesn't exists, chickens do not come home to roost, and I wonder how does one atone if the day of reckoning never comes? As She always loved to point out, the good among the great understand that every choice we make adds to the strength or weakness of our spirits - our souls. And that every human’s life work is to construct an identity bit by bit, to walk a path step by step, to live a life that is worthy of something higher, lighter, more fulfilling, and maybe even everlasting. Imagine my surprise when it was clear as the rain pouring down my back that she was wrong. She was wrong about everything.