Can't look the other way...

There is darkness inside all of us, though his is more dangerous than most. Still, we all have it - that part of our soul that is irreparably damaged by the very trials and tribulations of life. We are what we are because of it, or perhaps in spite of it. Some use it as a shield to hide behind, others as an excuse to do unconscionable things. But, truly, the darkness is simply a piece of the whole, neither good nor evil unless you make it so. 

Half of me is filled with bursting words and half of me is painfully shy. I crave solitude yet also crave people. I want to pour life and love into everything yet also nurture my self-care and go gently. I want to live within the rush of primal, intuitive decisions, yet also wish to sit and contemplate. This is the messiness of life - that we all carry multitudes, so we must sit with the shifts. We are complicated creatures, and ultimately, the balance comes from this understanding. Be water. Flowing, flexible and soft. Subtly powerful and open. Wild and serene. Able to accept all changes, yet still led by the pull of steady tides. It is enough.

Knowing you...

He says, he loves me,

and I believe it's true,

so doesn't that make someone 

belong to you?

I will love you always. When all my hair is gone and white, I will still love you. When the smooth softness of youth is replaced by the delicate softness of age, I will still want to touch your skin. When your face is full of the lines of every smile you have ever smiled, of every surprise I have seen flash through your eyes, when every tear you have ever cried has left its mark upon your face, I will treasure you all the more, because I was there to see it all. I will share your life with you, and I will love you until the last breath leaves your body or mine.

My fifty precent...

I know a galaxy...

Life is tragic simply because the earth turns and the sun inexorably rises and sets, and one day, for each of us, the sun will go down for the last, last time. Perhaps the whole root of our trouble, is that we will sacrifice all the beauty of our lives, will imprison ourselves in totems and taboos in order to deny the fact of death, the only fact we have. And in this sense, I am no better. I am so utterly terrified of it that I sometimes find myself paralysed with fear. I have been told I should learn to rejoice in the face of death and decide, indeed, to earn my final farewell by confronting with passion the conundrum of life; a small beacon in that terrifying darkness from which we come and to which we shall return.

Picture perfect blue...

Like you are the light

and I will follow.

You let me lose my shadow.

You are the sun, the glowing halo,

and you keep burning me up

with all your love.

Over the top...

The darkness of my world...

But even so, every now and then I would feel a violent stab of loneliness. The very water I drink, the very air I breathe, would feel like long, sharp needles. The keyboard in my hands would take on the threatening metallic gleam of razor blades. I could hear the roots of solitude creeping through me as I awake at five o'clock in the morning and the world was hushed. Perhaps existing just for me.

... until that moment he had not understood that this was a story about lonely people, about absence and loss, about embracing the void that is in your heart and learning to live with it. Even more so, finding ways to enjoy it. And that was why he had taken refuge in it until he became confused with his own life, like someone who has escaped into the pages of a novel because those whom he needs to love seem nothing more than ghosts inhabiting the mind of a stranger. Somehow, somewhere, for whatever reason, the dullness became stillness, and that then transformed into a stout sense of calm. Who could have ever thought.

The beat goes on and on...

Wish I could explain it better...

This year was the first time I forgot about her birthday. Well not really forgot ... just didn't really pay attention to. I could blame it on being exhausted from the day before or getting too enveloped in my latest obsession, but the bottom line is that I feel like I let her down. It's been so many years now, of holding on and remembering that I perhaps started taking it for granted. Or maybe this is just what time does. It slowly erodes at everything you once held dear. So quietly erasing, that you don't even notice, how one day, you are a completely different person. With unfamiliar memories and a path behind you that feels ancient in design. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. And I'll try to do better. If only to conjure up the ones I used to love.

I must be getting too flashy...

I told you long ago, on the road

I got what they waiting for

Get your soldiers, tell them I ain't laying low

You were never really rooting for me anyway

When I'm back up at the top I wanna hear you say:

he don't run from nothing, dog,

get your soldiers, tell them that the break is over.

The same thing I told you that I never would...

Life is, in fact, a battle. Evil is insolent and strong; beauty enchanting, but rare; goodness very apt to be weak; folly very apt to be defiant; wickedness to carry the day; imbeciles to be in great places, people of sense in small, and mankind generally unhappy. But the world as it stands is no narrow illusion, no phantasm, no evil dream of the night; we wake up to it, forever and ever; and we can neither forget it nor deny it nor dispense with it. So what is left but to be? To let go of all the plans we have made, the dreams we have conjured and the fantasies we have invoked. Just like that.

I told you long ago on the road...

I want to make coming home your favourite part of the day. I want to leave tiny little words lingering in your mind, on nights when you're far away and can't sleep. I want to make everything around us beautiful; make small things mean a little more. Make you feel a little more. A little better, a little lighter. The coffee is warm, this cup is yours. I want to be someone you can't live without.

All I wanted was to live a life where I could be me, and be okay with that. I had no need for material possessions, money or even close friends with me on my journey. I never understood people very well anyway, and they never seemed to understand me either. All I wanted was my art and the chance to be the creator of my own world, my own reality. I wanted the open road and new beginnings every day. Ironically, I somehow found someone who made me believe that I can have my cake and eat it too. So this is my story. I don't know where I'm going, but I know I'm going somewhere beautiful, because I'm going there with you.

Chasing the horizon...

This one is for the champions...

Shockingly better than I expected...

It's like you knew,

and you came out  of nowhere,

and into my life.

It took you a while,

but you found me,

now I'm sure that I'm gonna survive.

And it started with a hello.

Take the lead, and I will follow.

I could love you for the rest of my life.

Don't you ever let me go.

Wish I could explain it better...

People can be messy, because we're not only defined by what we've done up to any specific point, but by what we would have done, under different circumstances, molded as much by our regrets as our actions, choices we stood by and those we wished they could undo. Sometimes our entire history, what was and what could have been, comes crashing into a single decision, and everyone around suffers collateral damage. Of course, there was also no going back - time only moved forward - but people could change. For worse. And for better. It wasn't easy. The world was complicated. Life was hard. And so often, living hurt. I try to make it worth the pain.