Just a boy with a broken toy...

Taking steps is easy...

I'm trying to understand where exactly I made my initial mistake - trying to pinpoint the moment of no return. When the fabric of my dreams started to unravel and I set upon the trajectory that lead me to this instant in time. I go back to my earliest decisions, which plummeted me towards an uncertain life of a writer, yet I find no misdoings on my part. I wanted to be happy and I was willing to give up everything else in order to do so. The path was not easy, but surely right. Then ... slowly I move ahead, to the choices that shaped me most a person - running away, falling in and out of love, getting my heart broken, and breaking a few in turn. But even still, I find that I acted with the utmost respect and serenity I could have mustered. I held no grudges, at least not for long; I smiled when I wanted to cry, and I let them think that I moved on, even if it might have been easier to scream. So I am left with nothing at all. No clear mistake that would explain the void my mind wanders to as hours turn into days, and days turn into a lifetime. And if there is no reason, no reason at all, how does one break free? How does one survive?

Standing still is hard...

This thing you see, is about a boy who is on the cusp of becoming someone. A boy who may not know what he wants right now, and he may not know who he is in this moment in time but who deserves the chance to find out. Dear God, he prayed, let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry and have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere - be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honourable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost.