I feel so numb...

In a world where kings rule and slaves do all the work, it's immensely hard to determine yourself if you fall somewhere in between. At times the long haul to royalty seems so close that you begin to lose grasp of what is and what could have been. While sometimes you can't help but surrender to your primal urges and bask in the simplistic reality of slavery...

I received a piece of information today and I wish I hadn't. It was just enough to make me doubt everything again, yet as little to still make me hope. I know I obsess way to much, but I can't help thinking about all the things I let slip through my fingers in order to get what I think can make up for what I did to Her. She would have been so proud, she would have known exactly what to say and what to keep to herself. If only I had been stronger, more careful, maybe I wouldn't be stuck in what feels like a devouring void...

I am not a king, neither am I a slave. Forever fighting to reach one side, any side, it doesn't even matter at this point. All I want is closure, a purpose. I don't care what it is, I just want one, but more than that, I need one. I did my best, I was polite, I did the right thing. Now all that remains is to see if all I gave was enough...