I can't believe I let myself think it would be different this time, that it would be easier, that I would somehow be able to transcend. I admit, I floated high above, with dreams more vast than anything before. Now as I lay where I've always been, I can't help but smile. It's so histerical in a way, so profound. How during these four years, as I've been searching for myself and a place to belong, I've literally come full circle. I recognise these feelings, I recognise the faint smell in the air and the gloomy sunrise, which fails to enlighten the darkest corner of my room. I recognise my reflection and the hint taste of straberries in my mouth. It's genious, it's poetic, it's a tragedy in its purrest form. But I need to make one thing perfectly clear - in no way am I depressed about my reality. I've long accepted the role I've been given to play, and I shall do so with regard, with dignity and an everlasting grin on my face. I may come here and vent, but mark my words, my resolve has never been stronger.
The way I tingle and slighty shake when I see you, the way I am at a loss for words when our eyes meet, the way I glance your way every chance I get, the way I yearn for your attention, the way I nearly lose my breath when you touch me, but most of all the way my heart races everytime I think of you. That's the way I want to feel forever, that's the way I want to live, that's the way I want to love. I may never get it, I may never claim it as my own, but that has never really stopped me before. I am nothing without my dreams, without my fantasies, and I adore that about myself. Who's to say they won't come true this time? Who's to say I won't get everything I've ever wanted? Maybe just this once, I might just do.
The way I tingle and slighty shake when I see you, the way I am at a loss for words when our eyes meet, the way I glance your way every chance I get, the way I yearn for your attention, the way I nearly lose my breath when you touch me, but most of all the way my heart races everytime I think of you. That's the way I want to feel forever, that's the way I want to live, that's the way I want to love. I may never get it, I may never claim it as my own, but that has never really stopped me before. I am nothing without my dreams, without my fantasies, and I adore that about myself. Who's to say they won't come true this time? Who's to say I won't get everything I've ever wanted? Maybe just this once, I might just do.
