I'm about to turn up the heat...

Is it better to have something and then lose it and while doing so knowing that even though the pain of loss is great, you still had that something which changed your life. Or is it superior to not have that something in the first place and avoid all the agony that inevitably comes when you lose something dear?

I am not a jock. I will never be a valedictorian. What I do have is a gift, which has basically defined every single decision I made in the last four years. I gained the respect of my fellow pears. Some fear me, most envy me, a few seem like they actually give a damn. Yet in less than a month the very thing that makes me who I am, will be over. It is going to wash away and leave nothing behind. In a blink of an eye I'll no longer be me, not because I won't want to be, but because they who made me into this... person... will rip away the very essence of my soul...

So what happens then? Do I simply give in? Just raise the white flag and succumb to mediocrity? They say that it is such a terrible thing to fall, but what they don't tell you, is that it is far more terrible to actually admit it. I'm scared of what it will do to me, of what I'll become. I hate them for making me feel like this. It's Her fault, I never should have listened to her, but I guess she did get one thing right; the bigger you are, the harder you fall...