The years keep coming, they won't stop coming...

Lose yourself in the music...

Why so serious? We may be wrong, but we're wrong in all the right ways. The beat goes on, and all we can do, is just let go. We'll find each other one day, you can be sure of that. And when we do, no words need be spoken, for our eyes will say everything. As this year comes to an end, I'm proud of myself, I really am, because I lived without fear, with no thought of what was and what might one day be. I may have failed at certain things, but never before have I failed with such conviction. That in itself is the best victory I could have hoped for. While doubts creep in my soul every now and then, I still believe, I really do. We've endured, together, as one. So this is for us, the kids who try their hardest to be good enough, who listen to the same song countless times, because it reminds them of who they want to be, to the kids, who deserve much more than they get, and are willing to fight for. This one's for us. The underdogs.

Underneath this boy, there's an endless story...

The morning rain clouds up my window,

and I can't see at all.

But your picture on my wall,

it reminds me, that it's not so bad,

it's not so bad at all.

So I lose myself in the music,

and hope when I own it,

I never ever let it go.

Because I'll only get one shot,

and I'm afraid I'll blow. 

I open my mouth,

but the words won't come out. 

I'm choking, I guess I'm the joke now. 

Then I snap back to reality,

and realise I just defied gravity. 

For you I'd risk it all...

I had a dream about you last night in what feels like ages. It's not that you haven't been on my mind, I just think I've grown used to looking for you, even though I know you're never there. I dreamt I was fourteen years old again, with my whole life ahead of me, and you took me in your arms, and said that one day I would reach the stars. You spoke with such conviction, you were so sure, I almost believed you. I don't think I've ever missed you as much as I miss you right now. Sometimes I wonder if you'd be proud of the person I've become. I wonder if you'd accept me for who I am, and not push me into being who everyone wants me to be. But one thing I never question, is whether you'd be on my side, because I know that no matter what, you would always love me, and I think in a way, you still do. It's just a thought, only a thought, but perhaps one day, when I exhale my last breath, we shall meet again, and everything will be as it should, as it was meant to be.

I say this without hope or agenda. Without pretense or illusion. Without remorse or regret. Without contention or deceit. I say this with upmost pride and dignity. I say this with a sparkle in my eyes and a smile on my face. I say this with hope and confidence for the future. To me, someone who is flawed and raw as few dare to be, you are perfectly unperfect. You showed me things without even knowing it, and you taught me more than I ever thought I could learn. I hope you find what you're looking for, because I really do wish you the best. I've charted my path, set my goal, and now I'm on my way. Who knows where I'll end up, or if I'll even make it at all. But that's the beauty of it. That's why the future is so exciting. Because it's sort of like a dare, it's potential, and in the end, it's all we have left. 

Turn into something beautiful, something wonderful...

So here's the plan. Since nothing I have is truly mine, there really isn't anything keeping me here. I've never found a place I call home, because I never stick long enough to make it. And now that I've set the future in motion, all I can do, all I was ever able to do, is hope that it unfolds in ways that take my breath away. Something changed again, the winds feel different somehow. And since it was never truly about lust or love, but always what makes a good story, I'm starting to wonder if anything will ever be real. I'm scared more about who I'm becoming than who I've been, and that in itself, tears me to bits. I've left such a mess, I can't come back again, and I understand why you had to leave. I always knew I would go down with this ship, as every good captain does, yet strangely, for the first time in my life, I welcome the watery abyss. Because if anything, I've learned that I can't drown, and no magnitude of destruction could ever make me surrender. I'm in love with life, and I always will be.

Did you ever think about how long it would take to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life-altering? Four years, like highschool, a year in college, an eight week summer escape? Can your life change in a month, a week, or even a single day? It seems we're always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead, to get even. But what I've found to be true, is that when you're young, one hour, or maybe a fleeting moment, can change everything. So as I lay witness to what a single word has done, I am in awe of life and death and everything in between. We smile at each other, as countless times before, and then we continue walking, again, as countless times before.

I'll let it pass and I'll hold my tongue...

Well well, here I am again. Exactly where I knew I'd be. There is no white flag above my door, of that you can be sure. I had to say it, because if I didn't, I would have still felt it, so where's the sense in that? And while I realise goodbye's aren't guaranteed, this ship seemed to sail away faster than it ought to. Perhaps if I hadn't kept such a tight hold, things would have been different. I guess I'm still a child when it comes to these things, and all of this has taught me countless lessons. Most I could have foretold, yet some really caught me by surprise. Sometimes I find that what I wanted, isn't really what I need and the dream and all it's promises were never really meant to be. As I gaze onward, towards the final march, I am confident. Not quite in myself, but in the universe. While I might flip it the finger sometimes, and while we might not always see eye to eye, I've grown to like the way it works in mysterious way. So before I fall asleep, I look out the window and wink at the brightest star. For only it knows what I'm going through and what I still have to overcome.

Dance the past away...

Čas je spet, da rečem kej.
Čas je spet, da se spovem.
Čas je spet, da s poezijo prestopm ta greben.  


Tko k vedno, sm dal preveč
in se zaletel v raj. 
Sm upu, čeprov sm vidu konc 
že tisoč milj nazaj.


Še zdaleč nism dost,
da tebi bil bi v ponos.
Vem in ne zamerim sploh,
kr sm bil na tvojem mestu
in sm še hujš spelal,
naredu velik več škode
in še prej zbežal.


Da grem naprej enak,
bi bla laž, bi bla iluzija.
Ker vse prej blo je sranje,
to med nama pa potencialna fantazija.


Adijo moja prva zares prava,
adijo moj skoraj vse,
adijo nesrečna romanca,
mogoče še kdaj, srečava se. 

I've been awake for awhile now...

No tears.

Just life.

This is how our story ends...

I know you won't believe me, but I'm actually not that sad about the whole thing. I admit, I'm a little disappointed, yet I stand behind what I said. The point of all of this wasn't a happy ending, but it even starting in the first place. I hold no animosity towards anyone involved, because in the past few months I've learned more than ever before, and it would be selfish to be angry because not all of my dreams came true. Heck, if that was reason to be upset, I would have given up a long time ago.

It's true, a freak like me just needs infinity, and maybe if one day you change your mind and decide to trust in me, you might find it as well. And while there are many things still left unsaid, I am grateful for what was. She was right all those years ago. I am bulletproof and all I'm feeling right now, well that's life, that's what it means to put yourself out there. The thing is, I'm not afraid to move on, I'm actually quite excited. What lies ahead is a stream of endless possibilites and adventures, ones I'm bound to hold dear. I may look back every now and then, but you can be sure, I'll keep marching forward.

Inhale as profoundly as you can and laugh. Remember who you are and why you are here. You're never given anything in this world that you can't handle. Be strong and flexible, love yourself and love the people by your side. Always remember that all you have to do to survive, is take a step forward. You can go as slow as you want, you just have to keep walking, you have to keep breathing. But never forget, even in your darkest hour, that paradise is around the corner.

Hold to the love that you know...

"Do you remember the way things used to be?" She said as quietly as the wind. They gazed into each other's eyes, and suddenly everything fell into place. She held his hand as he fell to the ground, and she wiped his tears as they poured down his face, and she mended his wounds as blood rushed through. They somehow knew they would survive, because in truth, this was nothing compared to what they faced in the past. She smiled at him, and he smiled at her, and for a split second, the pain vanished without a trace. The sun prepared for slumber, and they sat near the ocean and did what they do best. They waited. Waited for the future to unfold, for the universe to make sense, and for their lives to transcend into what they were meant to be. They waited for someone to rescue them, all awhile never understanding that they already saved each other.

I really don't understand the world sometimes. Things that make absolute sense to me, are a mystery to others, and things I expect to happen, never actually do. I should be better at this, I know, yet I seem to be failing at every turn. It's not so much that I'm disappointed, I'm just so tired. For once, I wish things could be simple and would unfold without complications. What they don't tell you when you're growing up, is that denial isn't the worst thing in the world. It's the time in between, when you don't know, when you're not sure where you stand. That's what hurts the most, that's what I find too much to bear. I'm truly confused as to why this keeps happening, and I'm curious what I'm doing wrong. But mostly, I wonder if I'll ever be able to break free from the past, forget about the future, and live in the moment, for nothing else but the present.

It starts in my soul, then I lose all control...

People keep warning me of the road ahead. They pass judgement and offer advice, yet none of them truly understand. I know how this story ends, trust me when I say I do. But where's the joy in quiting? That's not what life is about, that's not what my journey is meant to look like. It doesn't make sense not to live for fun. Because I'll never really know, if I don't go, and I can't expect to shine, if I don't glow. My world is on fire, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Only shooting stars break the mold, and even from afar, this one is blazing. So how about it? Ready to follow me into the abyss?

Tell me something will you? How can two people, who are basically different in every significant way, come together in such a wave of shared experience? How can they even hold a conversation? And most importantly, why do you illicit such strong feelings in me? The thing is, in a way, you are everything I could have been, if I chose differently, and you're everything I was always afraid to be. And that fascinates me beyond reason. So what's the problem baby? The world will follow after, we just have to take the first step. Spring is coming without a doubt. I wonder what shall bloom, I wonder what shall grow, and above all, I wonder what shall forever be destroyed.

Feel the heartbeat in my mind...

So here's the plan. No more bullshit, deception, and lies. Just the truth, because after all these years, I'm so tired of the constant pretense. Games are for children and I've long outgrown them. While I may still need to figure a few things out, here's what I know to be true. I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you hard. And I realise it's meaningless to even say it, since it's quite obvious, but nothing is completely real until you write it down. I'm not sure, but I think you might like me too. I dare not claim if that's the case, yet somehow we found ourselves embraced in each other's arms, stopping time and forgetting the world exists at all. I don't want to change you or make you into something you're not, but I need you to accept that I'm young and fragile and compared to you, sorely lacking in experience. If anything, all I ask is that you take my circumstances into consideration, if you decide to move things forward of course. So now here I stand, unlike ever before, because this time, I'm not afraid, not one bit. I'm exposed to the elements and rain, ready to get soaked to my bones. With my heart on my sleeve, I exhale as if it was my first breath.

As your shadow crosses mine...

I come alive for you.

Moving through the morning light...

Feeling the past moving in,

letting a new day begin.

Hold to the time that you know,

you don't have to give up, to let go.

And to the memory that you keep,

remember when you fall asleep,

hold to the love that you know,

you don't have to move on, to let go.

Waiting in highest room, of the tallest tower...

In another life, perhaps, things could have been different, and maybe they still have the possibility to be. I just have to become more, I have to grow more, and ultimately I have to become better. Before, my fear was being vulnerable. The ability of another human being to tear apart my soul at any moment, was enough to keep me running. You see, once you feel such pain, once life and death make sure you experience it, you do whatever you can to shield yourself from ever falling so far. In the past few months, however, I've met people who made my insides come alive, without me being able to stop it. Some of you, I somehow know, shall stay with me forever, even if only in my heart. My smile became permanent, my laughter more frequent. You took away my doubts and gave me hope. But more importantly, for the first time in my journey, instead of wanting to run, you keep giving me every reason to stay.

It's that moment, when you've figured out how far you've come, and how far you still need to go. It's that moment, when you don't want to look back, and you can't see too far ahead. It's that moment when you realise, you're living for yourself and no one fucking else.

I don't have to move on, to let go...

It's funny. The more I try to deny it, the stronger and brighter the truth sinks in. There's no other way to spin it. I've been here before. Exactly here. The fact that what I wrote approximately a year ago applies to the letter of my present, is a testament to that. Indeed, the more things change, the more they stay the same. I won't stop trying to shatter the cycle though, of that you can be sure. I may take a break once in a while, and I might cheat a little, but I play the game no matter what. I love, lust and hope like I have nothing to lose, because I actually don't. I'm not afraid of life and I'm not scared how I might appear or come across. And if all of that makes me someone you don't want to be with, or even spend time with, then I'm sorry to say, but you just passed on something that has, even still, limitless potential. So this is to all of you who left, who let me go. One day, you'll wish you hadn't.

Believe in love. Believe in magic. Believe in your dreams and your wildest fantasies. Hell, believe in santa clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Because if you don't, who will? Jump off the edge everytime you can. Take risks, be bold and reckless and a little crazy. Don't let fear keep you down. Stand up and fight the battles which need to be fought and wars that need to be won. Do it for yourself. Do it for me. Do it for everything we created. Together we can break these chains that bind us. Together happiness will find us. Today I leave my past behind. Today my life begins.