A thousand years before dawn...

I've vowed to always tell you the truth, yet this time I'm pretty sure you wouldn't believe me. There are no more rules to this game, no more guidelines on how to win the race. I'm not even sure there's a finish line anymore, all I see is life in its purest form. It glows with a radiant sparkle, and it emanates a shroud of unprecedented savagery, swallowing everything in its wake. I may regret the decisions I am making at this very second or they may lead me to the dreams I've forever dreamt - I guess only time will tell, but as it stands now, I think I've never felt more alive. As I ponder the choices that led me here, I realise that I never really had a choice at all. I was predetermined to end up right here, at exactly this moment, at exactly this instant in time, finding you and allowing you to find me, setting upon a common trajectory that has no guarantees at all, but the simple truth that as long as you stand by me, I'll stand by you.

The crownless again shall be king...

I'm not sure where this is heading, I just know that I'm curious how this story will unfold. It feels as though it's bound for disaster, yet I can't shake the thought of it working out the way I dream. Maybe just this once. You seem like someone I could care about, and I think we've walked similar paths. Perhaps now that they've collided, we can guide each other towards a common destiny. You might not be anything I've imagined, but really you're so much better, because you're real, you're raw, and as you're standing beside me, I can recognise myself in your smile. I may not be ready to open my heart just yet, but if nothing else, you've managed to ignite a small flame, one that can rise and gain momentum as quickly as it came to life, or it can burn out like so many others before. I dare not predict the outcome, but for the first time in my life, instead of dreading the end, I'm enjoying the ride.

He has wandered for too long. He had lost his kingdom and was convinced he no longer deserved to wield the power his throne had secured him. He was lost in a dark forest, searching for a way out, all the while never realising that all he needed to do, was look up at the stars, and let them guide him home. He did not change much. To the naked eye it wouldn't be evident at all. Yet those who knew him better than he ever knew himself, will see the subtle differences - how his rough edges have soften, how his eyes carry less sorrow, and how his step seems taller. Everything around him is morphing into its greater form, evolving beyond past limitations. Can you feel it? Can you feel the wind brushing your cheeks, reminding you that the world is such a magical place? If not, then come here, and be reminded of it - each and every single time.

My final farewell...

Life comes slow, but goes so fast...

I'm astonished how even just a few hours can make such a difference. It started as nothing, as any other night would. Yet as your glance caught mine, and as I listened to your stories, and as you devoured mine, I felt something I haven't for awhile now. I felt like I could love again, that I could move mountains and find you waiting for me underneath them. It was a strange sensation, because it meant without a shadow of a doubt that my heart has indeed moved on. As the sun was rising from its slumber, I realised that past loves which were lost upon me, weren't my fault alone, and the burdens I carry, aren't really that heavy at all. I will be valued and will be adored inspite of my shortcomings or maybe even because of them. I will inspire others and I will let them profoundly touch me in turn. I will cry when I feel I have to, and laugh louder than thunder when my soul will let me. The puzzles of my life are starting to piece together and while the road ahead seems like an endless array of uncertainty, I will not stop to catch my breath. I will keep running as fast as I can, and go as far as I can possibly go.

Dawn is breaking, a light is shining through...

All that is gold does not glitter,

not all those who wander are lost;

the old that is strong does not wither,

deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

a light from the shadows shall spring;

renewed shall be blade that was broken,

the crownless again shall be king.

When even the stars refuse to shine...

I think I need to be alone for a while, if for nothing else, just to make sure I still can. I used to take pride in my ability to single-handedly withstand anything life may throw my way, but after relying on so many different people for so long, I feel as though I've lost this inherent connection to myself. What scares me most is that now that I've had a taste of it, I won't be able to live without it. It's funny how even after all this time, the universe still has an uncanny way of teaching me lessons - ones I thought I would never need to learn, and those I always knew were coming. I don't think I've ever been as impatient as I am at this very moment in time. As so many souls morph into their true colours, I am left wanting and hoping for an easy way out, for a simple way to ease the pain placed upon me. I realise now that such wishes are misguided, for my life has always been like running a race with no finish line, always gasping for air yet somehow always marching forward, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

There's a land I've heard of once in a lullaby she sang to me. It's a land where all my dreams actually come true. It's a place where blue birds fly over the rainbow, and if they can do it, why can't I? It's a world filled with endless streams of souls, each and every one walking towards a common goal. It's a grassland covered in flowers and kept warm by soothing rays of sunlight. It's the ocean and the waves and the calm breeze muffling my hair as I lay on the beach of broken dreams. It's everything I ever wanted, and nothing I ever imagined. It's your look in the morning and your safe embrace at night. It's something I'll strive for until the end of time, something I'll forever want to discover and claim as my own. And once I find this mystical land, I shall share it with all of you, and in a flash of shared experience, the world will make sense unlike ever before.

One step closer...

I was looking at my reflection in the mirror, and I didn't like who was staring back at me. I didn't want to be that person anymore, or ever again, so I decided to change. Just like that.

Somewhere over the rainbow,

where the skies are blue,

the dreams I dare to dream,

really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star,

where troubles melt like lemon drops,

high above the chimney tops,

that's where you'll find me.

Candy with pork and beans...

Sometimes I'm still such a mystery to myself. Why do I feel the way I do? And most importantly, why do I always find it so difficult to move on? I think it's because I have these stories in my head - how my life is supposed to unfold, when I'm supposed to meet certain people, and when I'm forever supposed to let go. Then if something, or someone, comes along that changes the trajectory of those stories, I lose touch with my rationality and stubbornly try to go head first through a brick wall. But what I've realised is that the best outcomes on my journey have come from the unexpected, from the times my pen was taken from my hands, and used to forcefully write page after page of unpredictable plot twists and scenarios. So because of this, I have decided to take a break, a break from this thing we created, and perhaps never coming back at all. I have decided to let go of the handle, to let go of the steering wheel, to let go of my pride, of my pain, of my self doubt, of my inherent vanity, of my fear and of my obsessions. I have decided to let go, and while I have no idea where I'll end up, it will surely be closer to where I'm meant to be, to who I'm meant to become, closer to places I've always wanted to see.

Summertime madness...

It's a revolution after all...

Even after all this time, every day and night,

 still he thinks of, how once again, away he'd fly.

The answers to the tangled knot...

Obdrži sanje, ker mogoče jim še kdaj slediva.

Today, as he embarks towards the ocean, the seaside that saved him each and every time before, he hopes the waters and the waves will completely heal a heart wounded by the blows of his mistakes and the damage inflicted by others. He will become better, kinder, gentler, he just needs time. And then when all of you look upon him as he returns a transformed man, you will feel a surge down your spine, a sparkle in your heart and warmth in your soul, all of which will undeniably mean that the boy you once knew, the boy you once loved, is gone. He will emerge before your eyes anew, someone you won't quite recognise yet will instantly feel you could love more profoundly than ever, and understand with a greater sense of who he is. The metamorphosis is well under way, and while he is sure to survive, he is sad that those who left him, those he will always love and cherish, won't get to be by his side and experience it first hand. You will be merely distant spectators, watching him, finally, touch the sky.

  
In the end, we are all stories. Either those whispered with resentment and regret or the ones that sound like fairy-tales. I guess I'll never know where I fall with all of you, yet I really need you to understand that in my mind, what I went through with each and every one, is a saga I'll always find worth telling. My life has been a series of words which formed into sentences, then into paragraphs, chapters, and before I could even fully grasp it, there was a whole book in front of me. The book of life, love, death, sorrow, pain and happiness all sown together in one single entity - one I am joyful to share and even more euphoric to have endured. One I will one day, when I am old and frail, read to my offspring. One I will look back to when I need to be reminded that all I need, all I ever needed, was my heart and soul spilled on pieces of paper, telling me that somehow, I am exactly at the right place, at exactly the right time, and in order for everything to work out, I just need the patience to let it.

Had to fall and lose it all...

I'm really proud of myself. I know that might sound pretentious, but I truly am. I not only survived the past year and a half - a time in my life I felt the weakest - I also thrived. I chased a dream no one else could see but me, and I feel as if I'm closer to it than I've ever been. Did I make mistakes? Sure. Did I sometimes disappoint myself, and was I sometimes disappointed by others? Of course. But at the end of the day, what remains is the magic of knowing that I did my very best, and for some people that was more than enough, and more importantly, it's enough for me. I move forward with a firmer step, having grown as much as I did, and realising there's still a lot I need to work on, enriches me with a sense of hope for the future. For even in the dimmest of hours, it still has so much potential, so much secrets to unravel and souls to share it with. I may have lost some people along the way, some I didn't plan to, and others I intentionally let slip by, but that just means I'm still searching for somewhere to belong, and I'm not afraid to fail, not afraid at all.

I'll work to work it out...

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts,

I've broken my heart so many times

I stopped keeping track.

I talk myself in, I talk myself out,

I get all worked up

then I let myself down.

But I know someday it will all turn out,

and I promise you I'll give more than I get,

I just haven't met you yet.

Not afraid to close my eyes...

I think my biggest problem is that I've never been one to give up. I've always pushed myself far beyond the call of duty, refusing to admit defeat, even when it's staring me right in the face. But now that I truly know I've done everything I possibly could to redeem the love I've lost, I think I can finally move on. Not with bitterness, anger or regret, but with a smile on my face and unforgettable memories in my mind. I forgive myself for not being perfect and I forgive you for not being as well. Who knows, our destinies may collide again - in another life, another time, another universe. And while the future seems like it's going to be one hell of a ride, I am certain that as long as I have a pen in my hands, I'll be just all right.

He will feel his way through the darkness, and even if he cannot predict where this journey will end, he is quite certain that he's finally on the right path, or if nothing else, at least the proper trail. If it turns out that it leads nowhere, then perhaps it is finally time to say goodbye. Not a final farewell, yet a significant one at that. One sure to be fraught with tears and screams as loud as thunder, yet the boy who remains stuck together and in the same breath, torn apart, now for some strange reason, can't stop being overwhelmed by this grand sensation of hope, of anxiety for the stars to align and guide him home. That's been his saving grace throughout his life - his ability to see the light even when it's pitch dark. He is so sure there's a better world out there, and to this very moment, he believes that one day, perhaps even one day soon, he'll find it. 

Full speed ahead...

Guided by a beating heart...

Kdo je kriv, da so bile sanje tako lepe?

It was one of those nights he wish could never end. Somehow she always knows when to visit and what to say. In the endless land of dreams they can be together as they were when he was little. They can make up for lost times and reminisce about the road already overcome. He never really got over her death. It came too soon and without enough notice. He was never forgiven, and he never forgave himself. But he could see it in your eyes last night. You were in a better place, happier, free of the pain of living. She whispered words he always took for granted, yet were given a more profound meaning as they watched the ocean envelop the sun. She told him she was proud and that she knows he did the best he could. She told him he will survive because he has endured so much more, and his current circumstances are but a glimpse of the journey ahead. And as he listened to her words carefully, he realised, even after everything, the world is still such a beautiful place. The morning sun came, and she vanished without a trace, and while he cannot touch her, she is there, somewhere within, guiding him through the meadows and opening his eyes to the grandeur of life and the magnificent will of the universe.