The dearly departed...

He was certain this sensation would have faded away by now. He was so sure because this feeling of invincibility, of complete and utter serenity cannot be a long lasting state, can it? He became what she foretold he would have to become if he ever wanted to fly. He transformed into a person who can vanquish his every demon. Someone who can say farewell to the people who gave him the best memories, and accept with grace that they have now become a memory all on their own. He morphed into a person who can do all of that, and not just survive, but thrive - transcend above the clouds and touch the sky. He stands as someone who rejects love that would be envied by all who saw it, just to be alone and perhaps one step closer to his wildest fantasies. He is now a man who can let go of the things not meant for him and embrace the past as it was, not as he hoped it would be. At long last he became the boy of your dreams, yet in the same moment, the boy who'll never again let his heart beat for anyone else but himself.

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive...

In my darkest hour...

Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever going to feel, 

and from here on out, I'm not going to experience anything new 

- just lesser versions of what I've already felt.

I'm sitting here, thinking of all the things I want to apologise for, and be forgiven for. I'm thinking of all the pain I've caused, of all the promises I didn't keep, and everything I've put on to you, anything I needed you to be, needed you to say - I'm sorry for that. Even though I'm certain you don't feel the same, I need you to realise that I will always love you, because you made me who I am. I just wanted you to know that there will be a piece of you in me, always, and I'm grateful for that. Whatever someone you become, wherever you are in the world, and whoever is holding your hand and standing beside you, I'm sending you love. You're my friend until the end, even if only in my head, and even if I never cross your mind again.

Being with you was like reading a book ... the first one I was determined to finish. I was reading it slowly, like the words were really far apart and the spaces in between were almost infinite. I can still feel you, the words of our story, yet it's in this endless distance that I'm finding myself now. It's not a place that's of the physical world. It's where everything else is that I didn't even know existed. I loved you so much - you have no idea. But this is where I am now. This is who I've become, and I need to let you go. As much as I would want to, I can't write this story any longer. I can't keep holding on to memories that made me happier than I've ever been, more at peace than I dare to admit. There is nothing left to do, nothing left to say, but try to phantom the idea that I'll probably never find someone ... that I'll probably never find someone like you.

All adventurous people do...

My past comes back to life...

Don't you ever say I just walked away,

because I will always want you.

But I can't live a lie,

running for my life,

I will always want you.

I put you high up in the sky,

and now you're not coming down.

It slowly turned, you let me burn,

now we're ashes on the ground.

Breaking my walls...

The biggest thing I gained in the last few weeks is that I've learned to choose my battles. I don't let little obstacles get to me anymore, and I have the ability to allow things to slide without making them seem like armageddon. I could be sad that I've lost people for the sole reason of reaching further than they even dare, and I could be angry because you never took the time to read my farewell letter, and that you left in the first place, but I've grown enough to know that I don't always need to have the last word. I don't need to care as much, obsess as much, say as much. Perhaps some things are best left unspoken and unfelt. I have also given up on figuring out the objective truth, because there really is none. There is my truth, and then there's yours - we both have the right to it, and we both have the right to be disappointed in each other because of it. And as the perils of love have finally lost all hold upon me, I feel as if I'm coming back to life - stronger than ever, taller than you might think, and far more zealous in my quest to prove you wrong, each and every one of you.

I just came to say hello...

I can't remember the last time I felt like this. It must have been over two years ago. I feel as if I'm weightless, as if I'm light as a feather - without any fears or burdens. Without the expectations of others wearing me down or giving me false hope. I feel like the old Karr again, the one who so relentlessly gazed into the future, who dreamt even when he was awake, and spent every minute of his every day reaching for the unreachable. There are some differences though, especially those visible to the naked eye. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't even recognise me. What was once a timid boy, now stands taller than ever, with a sense of purpose and pride. I've actually been sleeping through the night, which I can't even phantom the last occurrence of, and my slumber is so ... peaceful. I'm not sure what happened. I guess letting go of so many things and so many people washed away the encumbrance that came along with them. I can't predict how long this will actually last, but I'll be certain to hold on to this sensation for dear life. I'm not sure what's hidden beneath the surface, but I'm not scared to find out, because such serenity has the power to help me overcome anything - to help me overcome everything.

The boulevard of mending hearts...

I came back because I refuse to let my last words be those of a victim. I came back because this story deserves a better ending, it deserves more time to unfold, to write its chapters and to tell its tale. I came back because I've missed you. I've missed having someone listen to my every silly thought, and I've missed how each and every time I felt connected, like I have brothers and sisters all around the world, who for some strange reason understand exactly how I'm feeling. I'm back, if you'll have me of course, and I need you to know that I'm far from the person I want to be, yet strangely I've never felt lighter - as if I could jump and float beneath the clouds. I've accepted that I've never been truly loved, and that I failed at my first real try, and then I failed even more profoundly at my second go. But most importantly, I've forgiven myself for not being perfect, and I'm cheering myself on for even trying in the first place. In truth, I've got all kinds of time, and I can't wait to see what happens next. Can you?

She takes his hand, caresses his wavy brown hair and holds him as tight as she did the day before she died. She does not feel sorry for him, because she can see things he cannot, she can phantom the objective circumstances - the raw truth. Yet for some strange reason she does not enlighten him, she does not reveal what she knows, and simply lets the sound of his tears fill the room. She realises that this is something he must overcome, something he must survive without understanding how or why, something he has to endure to become the person she is certain he'll one day be. There is so much more behind the curtain, behind the graspable and tangible - so much more he has to see, has to learn, has to experience. For true serenity is not in the answers themselves, but in the journey to answer them.