My happy little pill...

How is it that I am surrounded by so many people, so many friends, so much love, yet I still find myself sitting alone, being lonely, and imagining a world where I am not? This curse should have been lifted by now. I should be miles ahead of who I was, and not let my inner demons destroy every relationship that sustains me. I have no idea how I ended up back here, how I can't recognise the person in the mirror anymore and how the dreams I've dreamt have somehow washed away. Everything I have seems to be slipping through my fingers - just like once upon a time, just like every time. As the common denominator I can't help but wonder if this shall always remain my reality? Having it all, just to throw it all away, just to get it back, just to endlessly destroy it again and again? As scared as ever, and as distraught like never before I try to get through the day with a smile on my face, hiding the fact that I have lost you. I have lost you exactly as I knew I would, exactly as she said I should.