Speechless...

Break me out...

The walls are caving in with no warning...

The ship is sinking, I gotta swin for it...

I'm running out of air...

This could be
the only chance we get,
we gotta take it...

We don't do it now,
we'll never make it...

Won't notice we're gone,
so easily replaced...

Time after time...

Endings are never easy; I always build them up so much in my head they can’t possibly live up to my expectations and I just end up disappointed. I’m not even sure why it matters to me so much how things end. I guess it’s because we all want to believe that what we do is very important, that people hang onto our every word that they care what we think. But the truth is you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone, anyone feel a little better...

After that it’s all about the people that you let into your life. And as my mind drifted to faces I’ve seen before, I was taken to memories of family, of schoolmates, of lost love, even those who have left us. And the more I thought about them, the more we all came together in a wave of shared experience and even though it felt warm and safe I knew it had to end…

It’s never good to live in the past too long, and as for the future, thanks to Her, it doesn't seem so scary anymore. It could be whatever I want it to be. And who’s to say this isn't what happens? Who can tell me that my fantasies won’t come true? Just this once…

When it isn't like it should be...

Communication - it’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking; the harder it becomes to know what to say or how to ask for what we really need. At the end of the day there are some things we just can’t help but talk about, some things we just don’t want to hear, and some things we say because we can’t be silent any longer. Other times we say things because there’s no other choice or because we can’t keep it to ourselves, and not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves…

But most things are more than what you say; they’re about what you do. They’re about how you present yourself, how you interact with others. They’re about making hard choices. And if nothing else this day proves that actions will always speak louder and words…

Star crossed lovers...

You probably didn't notice this, but this thing that is not a blog rarely touched upon the topic of "love". Just saying that word makes me want to delete everything, but I feel that this is important. Important, because I need to get it out of my system, I need to get it out; once and for all...

I was in love 2 times in my life. The first was a middle school crush that turned into so much more. It came at a time when I was at my lowest, at a time of mourning, at a time of sorrow. It ended with betrayal, leaving me with nothing, destroying what I had of my social status, ripping me of my pride, of my dignity, of my selfrespect...

The second time around was in highschool, and it started with something as trivial as a wave. She waved, and for a moment, even for just a moment I saw Her - the person I lost so many years ago. And of course all the tibits of the universe had to intervene and make me mess it up, leaving me as bruised as ever...

So now here I am, picking myself up while both of them remain somewhere in my heart and as long as I allow myself to move on, I guess it's ok for them to be there. Reminding me of what I lost, of where I've been, and how far I still need to go...

Winning the battle, losing the war...

The game. They say a person either has what it takes to play or they don’t. I can’t think of any one reason why I want to carry on. But I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit...

She's making it hard on purpose...

Intimacy is a four-syllable word for, "Here are my heart and soul. Please grind them into hamburger and enjoy." It's both desired and feared. Difficult to live with and impossible to live without. I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of a guide that could tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming...

But I guess there comes a moment when … it’s more than just a game. And you either take that step forward, or turn around and walk away. I could quit. But here’s the thing. I love the playing the field...

The fray...

Feel as I feel... Think as I think... See as I see...

Can we learn to let go and truly save them?

It's now or never...

Did you say it?

I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.

Did you say it?

Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it.

But every now and then look around, drink it in, because this is it, it might all be gone tomorrow…

Crash into me...

I've heard that you know when you’re going to die. Some doctors say it’s a look patients get in their eyes. Some say there’s a scent. A smell of death. Something. There’s just some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is heading for you. You feel it coming. Whatever it is; it’s creepy. Because if you know, what do you do about? Forget about the fact you’re scared out of your mind?

If you knew this was your last day on Earth, how would you want to spend it?
I have this strange feeling...

Into the abyss...

Spomnimo se pesmi stare, ki bla je še od vseh,

glasneje od viharjev se slišal bo nas smeh.

Nekega jutra, ko se zdani in se solze posušijo,

vsak odide svojo pot.

Regrets are mistakes you don't learn from...

I've never been so near the light...

Is it wrong? Is it right?

It don't matter if we come home tonight.

There's the light

let it in again...

And now I'm lost in all these storms,

so afraid, I miss your warmth.

Don't let me fall and take me home again...

The sky is dark and full of clouds,

there's nothing left to kill the doubts.

I was found and now I'm lost again...

The reason that the sky is blue...

I've been telling you my story for quite some time now, and while there are many things to learn from this story, this may be the biggest. The great moments of your life won’t necessarily be the things you do; they’ll also be the things that just happen to you. Now I’m not saying you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action and you will, but never forget that on any day you can step out the front door and your whole life can change forever…

You see the universe has a plan, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings and it starts to rain. It’s a scary thought but it’s also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you’re supposed to be, exactly when you’re supposed to be there; the right place at the right time…

There are a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lives happen. If only we knew where all these little things are leading us and be grateful for them getting us there.

I hope that one day I end up at the right place at the right time, and my life changes forever…

How many roads must a man walk down...

Did you ever see one of those shows on discovery channel about beasts in the forest? There's always one so called "alpha male", the leader of the pack, the provider, the greatest badass in town. What you might not know is that we humans have them too...

You've all know them, you've all met them, you've all hated them, you've all wanted to be them...

It's funny, because one might think that we would have evolved past that, but in reality it is our status within the "pack" that truly determines our lives. Those lucky enough to be born with the confidence and natural afinity for leadership, usually carry the torch, and it is this torch that opens up countless doors that are otherwise closed shut...

I was never the "alpha male", and I highly doubt I ever will be. But a part of me feels jelaous. Not for the attention, but for all those doors I dream of entering...

The shoe that changed everything...

Today seemed like any other day, until something as trivial as a shoe raised it to a day of redemption, a day of katarsa...

She who shall not be named, wore a shoe, which is decorated by a quite straight forward question: are you happy? And yet it is that very same shoe that I could not take my eyes of for over an hour...

It was like some karmic force was baiting me, taunting me...

After staring into the shoe I realised something about myself. I don't know what makes me happy. I don't even think I can recognise the feeling of being happy... Maybe I got it all wrong, maybe the path I walk is indeed in the wrong direction...

So what am I left with at the end of the day? Hope? A new challenge? Both? Or nothing at all? Just a faint memory of that damned shoe...

I will get you in the end, yes I will...

The one thing I always liked about myself was that when I decide to do something, I commit to it one hundred percent. And even though I sometimes don't get my heart's desire, at least I know I gave it my all...

They say that you can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you get what you need. But what happens when you get what you want but not what you need?

I don't know it all, I'm learning as I go along. But one thing is certain, if nothing else, I am a man of devotion...

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

Did you ever look into a mirror and didn't recognise the person staring back at you? Ever had that happen for 4 years? I mean we all hear the stories how it's only a phase and how it gets better and how one day we wake up and it all magically seems ok...

Yet my reflection has been haunting me for an extremely long time and to be honest all those stories are full of bull. Things don't improve just like that, in fact they get worse. 4 years ago I thought it's all up hill from here. Boy was I wrong...

But I guess I can't complain about everything. There were moments when I believed, when I was hopeful, when I was confident. Now the question remains, where those glimpses enough to keep me going? Did they leave enough residue for me to be able to stare into a mirror and not think I'm a hazzard to myself?

Don't let me get me...