Unchoosing my choices...

The time has come to detox. To extinguish some of my recent questionable decisions and redeem what is left of my throbbing heart. I need to let go of my obsessions, from running to you when I'm lonely, to running just for the sake of it - until I collapse under the pressure of my aching body, and that pain overshadows the agony of my soul being torn asunder. Who would have ever thought that the journey I embarked upon would lead me to this moment in time, to this crystal clear realisation that in fact, I haven't actually moved an inch. As the universe prepares for its final seismic toss, I can feel my every muscle relax, as if they know fighting back would be utterly pointless, as if the battle had already been lost and not just begun. I wonder how long I'll last, and if I even have the strength to live without any of my shortcomings - without substances to keep me afloat, without love to keep me writing, without dreams to keep me going. What am I without all of those things? Do I even exists, and if I don't, does that mean I never truly will? I can honestly say that the answers make my entire body shiver, but perhaps even posing the questions is enough to get me through.