A testament to your legacy...

Zadet od sveta, v katerem ne bom nikol žveu.

Zadet od ljudi, k jih nikol ne bom objel.

Zadet od življenja za katerim stremim.

Zadet od čustev, pred katerim bežim.

Tok zadet, da sploh nism več,

kr sploh nikol nism bil.

Edino kar je blo, je vse to kar sm spustil.

To, da ni poti nazaj, je odveč za rečt,

torej zakaj sploh govorim?

Še sam ne vem ka mam od tega,

da si tebe tko želim.

Včasih nism vrjel, zdej pa vrjamem,

v sebe še ne čist, v vse vas pa do konca,

ki sploh ni tok končn, ki sploh ni gotov.

Kr to kar boma midva ustvarla,

ostal bo za večno, ostal bo za skos...

Življenje je krivično, postau nas na različne smeri,

mah jebe se men za usodo in vso njeno sranje,

jz si izruvam svoje poti.

Jz bom prplezu na vrh sveta,

dotaknu se bom prekletih zvezd,

upam sam, da boš ti tam z mano,

z roko v roki, do nebes...

I hope they serve tequila in hell...

I figured out something. There is no satisfaction and victory when you defeat your opponents, when you overpower them and leave them there to rot. Because all you did was sink to their level, you allowed them to control the game, even though you won in the end. When I win, I want to do so because I was right, I want them to see that what they did was wrong and admit that I am indeed the one who deserves their respect...

Is there anything greater than turning your enemy against his own cause? There is no greater weapon than using their own forces against them. And in these last 4 years I've learned to do just that. I can't say I'm praticularly proud of what I can do, I actually quite hate myself for it. But alas sometimes I can't help myself but to play the game. The game I swore off not so long ago. I forgot how fun it actually was, how amid all the hatred and competition we still managed to find despicable enjoyment in each others failures. Ahh... And there it is. The heart of what I once was, or still am?

There comes a point where you have to stop fighting your nature, your inner self and just put yourself on a pedastal and showcase your true self. Some will appreciate you for it, some will hate you even more and a few individuals will do what you dread the most. They'll pity you. Because they know who you truly are is never going to be good enough, not even for yourself. I haven't won yet, and after this I'm not even sure I want to anymore...

All the things I know right now...

If I only knew back then...

It's not about the story, it's how it is told...

To tell you the truth, there are times when I cannot distinguish between what is real and what isn't. It's hard to explain, but sometimes I find myself being completely overwhelmed by this devouring instinct that there's something out there, that there's something within me, making me drift to somewhere I can't remember, but I know is there. A few times I was almost able to place it, but just when I thought I had it, it vanished as mysteriously as it came...

I keep looking out the window, trying to see something that would enlighten the darkness of the unknown. I never see anything, yet I never stop looking. Maybe this is all I'm ever going to get. A blatant stare, an unsolvable puzzle and an infatuation with what I cannot have. All I have to do now, is find a way to be ok with that, or give up a part of myself in order to live as normally as one can. How about for once, you all tell me what to do? A preacher is only as good as the people who listen to him, so I guess I would be a hypocrite if I didn't lend my ear. The only question that now remains, is if care about what you have to say. I pretend I don't and I probably always will. But deep down, somewhere underneath all the clutter of my soul, lies a fragile individual, who has no idea what to do and is crying out for a helpful hand...

I've shared a lot with you and I feel like we've been through all of it together. But it's not like it was, it's better. Because we'll never be as young as we are right now, we'll never be here again. I know I've said it all before, but strangely enough it hasn't fully sunk in yet and I have a feeling it never will. We'll always miss opportunities, we'll always have regrests, but one thing we'll never have again, is today...

This is the world we live in...

Don't you sometimes just wish you could take a sneak peak into the future and see the consequences of your decisions? I hate that I don't know what's the right thing to do, but even more so, I hate the fact, that I never really will. Maybe I should just flip a coin and let the all mighty universe decide, but you can ask the universe for signs all you want, yet ulimately we only see what we want to see, when we're ready to see it. And come to think of it, me and the universe are kind of in a bad place right now, so I guess the choice falls upon me and me

alone...

To live another day? Or to live right now? To live with them all? Or to live without? Should I stay? Or should I go? Too many questions to answer, to many questions to bear. Can't I just for once, feel like people care? The vicious cycle that is my life, always takes me by surprise, when I have nothing left to fight off my demise. So I clinge to hope, that one day maybe, she reveals that she was always there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for my despair, so she could come in and make me whole again...

Oh baby, make me whole again...

Maybe there's a god above...

I've been here before,

I've seen this room,

I've walked this floor,

but you don't really care for music, do you?

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew me

and from my lips she drew a broken hallelujah...

Love is not a victory march...

When a relationship really works the tiny bumps in the road don't really matter, you don't have to be scared because there's no real jeopardy. You feel safe, because you love each other so much. You look at each other and you know exactly what the other is thinking. Their every word excites you, their every breath makes you linger. Finding that person isn't easy, heck, most never do. But I think I've already found mine...

It's hard when two people aren't at the same place at the same time. Especially at this age, when most of us are still working things out. That's why I don't want to start something real, because we're just not ready. When we try, and mark my words, we will try, I want us to go all the way. I need you all to know, that even now, I'm in, I'm all in. But trying now, would be suicide for both of us. Without truly being aware of who you are and who you want to become, you can't reach that happy ending we all crave. It may take a while, it may take forever, but if it's really meant to be, then one day, when we're both were we need each other to be, we'll simply take a glimpse of one another and we'll know, this is our moment, to finally give it a go...

The road ahead has never been so crystal clear. The goal is within arms reach and in hindsight I think I should have the right to be proud of myself. I mean don't get me wrong, I made a lot of mistakes during my journey, but the sheer fact that at the end of the day, I still find inspiration in the world around me, is reason enough to celebrate, every single minute...

You never know, when things will turn around...

During the course of our life we are going to make many mistakes. We're going to fail and we're going to disappoint the people we love. We're going to feel like there is no escape, that we sealed our fate and that there's no going back. Life will test us and when we feel like we've hit rock bottom, it's going to send one more stab our way, to finish the job. Then, when all the blows have been delivered, it's up to us, to look life right in the eyes, smile and say: "it will take a lot more to take me down, so fuck you!"

Sometimes you need to sleep, in order to be truly awake. Sometimes you need to fall, in order to truly be standing. Sometimes you need to break, in order to truly be whole. Sometimes you need to admit defeat, in order to truly win. The only person that can turn your life around, is you. It took a long time for me to realise that, but now that I have, I'm certain I can make it right. Sometimes we need to get lost, in order to truly be found...

They say that when life closes one door, it opens another. But what I've come to notice, is that it's all just bullshit. No one opens doors for you. You have to push your way through. Tear down your own doors. We're all afraid of what's behind them. But tell me something, what's worse? Going through a door and finding out it was the worst mistake you ever made, or always wondering what lies behind it? Every second you spend bursting down the doors of life, is a second you truly lived...

Once I'm in, I own your heart...

Včasih preprosto ni druge pesmi.

Včasih preprosto rabm sam to.

Včasih preprosto ni druge izbire.

Včasih preprosto rabm slovo...

It's a mad world...

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...

Is it just me, or did something suddenly change? I can't really place it, but everything around me seems different somehow. Yet I still recognise the faint similarities from seasons past. I want to say something, but I can't find the words. Ever had that happen to you? When you just stand there, in front of someone, who means the world to you, but you are incapable of saying anything. You stand there in silence, hoping they can read your mind and find out the truth...

I'm a proud person. Most of the time that pride gets in my way. It stops me from saying what I feel, what I want to say, because I'm just too damn proud to admit it. But then I realised something, if it's really all that imporant, wouldn't I be able to overcome myself? I mean if I don't say it because of my pride, then it must not be important enough, right? Or is that just me making excuses for my petrified self? My pride is a wall, that keeps me from getting bombarded. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't the only one inside...

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take. You look right through me, you look right through me...

Hello darkness, my old friend...

I know you're gone and you're not coming back, but I was just thinking that I could somehow see you again, maybe hear your voice. I don't know why I do this to myself, I just do. You would deserve better than who I am right now and so does everybody else. I keep trying to ignore how truly broken the world around me is, I keep telling myself it's going to be ok. But it's not going to be, I know that now and there's no going back...

You feel a lot of things, when you lose someone. First you feel like you could have done more to help them, to save them, but it's not true, you did everything you could, even though it won't feel that way. It will hurt every time you think of them and over time it will hurt less and less. Then eventually you'll remember them and it will only hurt a little. You'll always punish yourself for either the things you'll do or those you won't. Everything will look like a screw up. You'll know you have a problem, you just won't be able to fix it. You'll resort to substances that make you forget, that make you numb, so you can feel better, for even a moment...

It's funny really, I've decided something I know I'm going to regret, but it has to be done. It's because of you. You ruined everything. Yet I keep thinking that they were always meant to get broken, scattered into a million tiny pieces. We rush through life, then we suddenly stop and take a look at ourselves and we don't seem to recognise the person we've become. It all went by so fast, how is it possible we missed it? Why did we let fear start dictating our life? I hate that I let it control me this much, but I also know that it's going to take one hell of an event to make it go away...

You taste like perfection...

No choice now, it's too late,

let her go, she gave up.

I know it's just a fact, to kill to survive.

Life seems so unreal, take me away,

I'm dropping down on my knees...

She's so high, high above me...

Ever have the feeling like you're not good enough for someone? You try your best to fit in, to be yourself, but somehow you still find yourself alone, not getting what you wanted. I've always been ok with who I am, well for the most part, but lately I've been asking myself a lot: am I the best version of myself I can possibly be?

I know, I know. Just be who you are! To hell with everyone else! The most important thing is that you stay true to yourself! We've all heard the lectures, we've all given them. Yet I can't shake the feeling that all they do is make us settle for what we have, instead of striving for more. The second we stop running, the second we stop wanting to be better is something all of us should fear. Because if we don't have the incentive to be a better person, then what do we have left? I just wish I wasn't too late. Maybe I've already reached my peak and there's nothing more I can do. But I'm not willing to accept that, not yet...

I deserve better. She taught me that when life gives you crap, you give it back and demand something better. So here it goes. I demand to be given another chance. I demand for my deepest wish to come true. I demand to be treated the way I should be. Careful what you wish for, right? Well screw that, I want it all!

Mighty blast of rage...

As you would pass judgement on me, I have come to pass judgement on you all. You refuse to see what you have and what you might lose when all of it ends. You clinge to hope and false promises, not willing to see that this is the best you'll ever going to get. Right here, right now. There's no tomorrow, there's no yesterday. All we have is today. And what do you do? You throw it away. To have fallen so far and learned nothing - that is you failing...

I was deafened. I was broken. I was blinded. I have brought truth, and you condemn it, the arrogance! So you're saying it was all some master plan to take me down? That you've been working for them all a long? Your discontent sickens me. I don't know what's more pitiful. Me - for not seeing your deception or you - for thinking you could make a fool out of me. What, did you think you could just walk away from this? You don't seem to know me very well. The war, my "friends", has just begun. I was whole. At last, I saw. At last I could hear...

But I think I understand what happened. It is because you are afraid. Scared like a little mouse who is lost in the nethers. You were shattered once, as we were all and those who have been betrayed in their heart, will betray in turn. It is all that is left unsaid upon which tragedies are built. So this is the time for the truth to come out, no more regrets, no more fears, just us. Because heed my warning! It will all be gone tomorrow...

Destination: unknown...

The beginning of the end...

I'm surprised at how little they care. Was she really right about everything? Don't they realise that soon everything is going to change? We'll be setting off, each in our own direction, towards our individual goals. I guess I expected too much. A farewell we'll always remember is too much to ask for, or maybe they just don't care enough to make it happen...

When did I become this person? I've always needed closure, but I don't understand why I care so much about this. I guess I really have changed and to be honest for the first time I'm not sure I like it. I feel vulnerable somehow, like I'm standing in the middle of the highway, waiting for a truck to run me over. I could walk away, but where's the fun in that? It's turning out to be one hell of an ending and I have a feeling that the worse has yet to come. I know why this is happening. I chose for it to happen, when I decided on my path. Who knew that crossing over would be so difficult, if not impossible. My senses tell me there's a way, I just wish they would point me in the right direction...

She was right about many things, I just always hoped this wasn't one of them. I hate proving her right, but there's nothing more I can do. We just aren't where I thought we were and now sadly, as it seems, we can never be. But I'm fine, I really am. They're probably fine as well. I just wish we could be fine together...