I'm falling from cloud nine...

Soon it will all be over,
buried with our past
yet still, I miss our little talks.

I wanted different things, with different people, in different places. Life has a funny way of working out like nothing we imagined, yet somehow like we always knew it would. Perhaps it is time to grow up, and accept that there are dreams which cannot come true. They are too far away - halfway around the world and a few miles more. As much as I'd like to let go, and lead a normal life, I think I'll always be that person who strives for the unreachable. That's why I think I've never been able to love without the encumbrance of guilt - for no one has known the true me, and as it stands now, I'm not sure I'll ever allow anyone to even try. There are bigger things at stake, the odds greater than ever before, and the next few months shall be detrimental to the rest of my life. There are moments I can feel it being so close, so within reach, so fucking attainable I could caress it with my tongue. Yet it slips from my grasp time after time, like a grasshopper it jumps away and mocks the very idea that I would even chase it. Such is the destiny of those of us who still dare to dream, who even after everything, or perhaps because of everything, defy all the signs the universe throws our way, and just keep on marching through.

They say if you ever truly loved someone, you will have the strength to let them go, and find joy where you could not give it. So I guess that means I really loved you, each and every one of you. There is no more jealousy in my heart - for even though countless miles might be between us, I'd like to think that you're happy. That at this very second you're gazing into the eyes of your one true love, and that you feel invincible in a world that is determined to destroy you just for being who you are. There have been many of you that have touched my soul, stolen my heart, and returned it slightly deformed, yet I hold not a single grudge, because in a twisted sense of irony - I have come so far solely for the fact, that all of you made me feel like I wasn't good enough. And you were right - I wasn't, at least not back then. I wonder what you'd think if you saw me now, if you saw how hard I pushed myself, how much I've grown. I think you'd be proud, and maybe, just maybe, a little sorry that you don't get to share my spoils. Whatever the case, when our eyes finally do meet again, the world shall tremble beneath our feet, of that you can be sure.