It should have been me...

It's not about trying to reclaim lost lust or love or affection. It's not about the person, and it's not even about me. It's about the principal. It's about the common notion that we should have finished what we started. And I know it's childish and immature and selfish, but the fact remains that this is how I feel, and this is how I choose to express it. As burned out and wasted as I am, I have realised that perhaps my ideal vision of how I should lead my life was meant to be broken. Maybe this means I can finally let loose the chains which bind and embrace the fact that I am not that good of a person, not that good of a friend, not that good of a partner. Maybe this is my moment to let go of my insecurities, of my pride, and of my inherent ego - to reach beyond my limitations and become that which I have always wanted, yet immensely feared. The boy who said he'd never give up, is crying wolf, and the time has come to finally, against all odds, defy every single rule I've ever made, and just go for it. I think if I want something I never had, I need to do something I've never done. So tonight marks the milestone when they have won, and I have admitted defeat. Tonight I give in to my lesser instincts - and pray to god that I don't stray too far.