On the other side of a street I knew...

My heart is bound to beat right out...

He wants to be happy - to let himself break the chains which bind him to solitude and desperation. He wants it to be different, for him to transcend even his greatest fears and accept that while life is unlike anything he wanted, it has moments that take his breath away and make him gasp for air. They are few and far in-between, yet when they arrive he cannot deny that they envelop him, make him see the objective truth, and above all else, shine a glimmer of hope for the road ahead. As every year before, a tiny piece of him broke away, but this time it was so silent, he could barely hear it himself. He is someone new, and it took him by surprise, when suddenly a unrecognisable reflection gazed back as his reflection. And it was in that very moment that he came to realise the ultimate truth: destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

I found another way to die...

I think it's time to let you know

the way I feel when you take hold.

One single touch from you, I'm gone.

Still got the rush when I'm alone.

I think it is time I let you know -

take all of me, I will devote.

You set me free, my body's yours

it feels the best when you're involved.

Inside Jean Karr...

When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready to face whatever might come our way. The challenge will not wait, and life does not look back, because in truth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit or a event in your life when all hope is lost. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it, and knowing you, I hope you at least try to see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if by any chance you find that you're not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

Mess with me harder...

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, sadly the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without ever knowing what's going to happen next.

I live and breathe words. .... It was creating this thing that is not a blog that made me feel that perhaps I was not completely alone. That I had someone I could be honest with, who would read my words, and simply understand how I was lonely and afraid, but always brave; the way I saw the world, its colours and textures and sounds, 

Yet there are things not even all of you get to know. Emotions I'm ashamed of, because words diminish them. They shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within, not for want of a tellar, but for want of an understanding ear.

Sick of hearing my own lies...

Where dead men called out...

Our hair shall be grey...

They say a good love is one that sits you down, gives you a drink of water, and pats you on top of the head. But I say a good love is one that casts you into the wind, sets you ablaze, makes you burn through the skies and ignite the night like a phoenix; the kind that cuts you loose like a wildfire and you can't stop running simply because you keep on burning everything that you touch. That's great love; one that scorches and flies, and you run with it. For I have learned that you can go anywhere you want to go and do anything you want to do and buy all the things that you want to buy and meet all the people that you want to meet and learn all the things that you desire to learn and if you do all these things but are not madly in love: you have still not begun to live. Because sometimes the things that are felt the most are expressed between two souls over distance and time - where no words abide. And while others may speak freely, live with one another, and express themselves, I feel as if we are different. We have no words for proof of reassurance, no tokens of professed love, but still, we have something. Something worth keeping.

A hefty bag to hold my life...

Fight, fright, flight, feed, fuck.

My primal instincts take hold, and I am left in a state of autopilot. I don't even notice my surroundings. Failure has left its toll, yet I find myself marching forward, barely being shaken, so used to not getting what I want, I barely grasp the concept of disappointment. And I guess it wouldn't be fair to judge my choices without understanding my reasons, so let me explain. There was once a time I couldn't separate thoughts from my mind, then something happened, something I never shared, not even with you, and I suddenly found that the only way for me to survive is to write down anything, to write down everything - that way I could contain my fragile soul, and hold back the tears, Now here I am, writing for the sole sake of writing, without real agenda, and no true meaning. Without success or hope of stardom. Simply feeding my addiction, repeating and reliving, trying to sow back what was torn apart so many years ago.

Here we are again...

On the other side of a street I knew,

stood a boy that looked like you.

I guess that's déjà vu,

but I thought this can't be true.

Oh but that one night,

was more than just right.

I didn't leave you 'cause I was all through.

Oh I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell,

because I really fell for you.

Oh I swear to you,

I'll be there for you,

Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply,

hefty bag to hold my love.

When you move me everything is groovy,

and I swear to you,

I'll be there for you,

this is not a drive by.

Strange things did happen here...

As the year slowly comes to a close, I try to ponder upon the newest version of myself. My reflection in the mirror is different, and so are my inner most thoughts. I have changed - I have changed because of you for sure. You showed me many things. From the brightest of corners to the darkest of fields, yet through it all I can say with absolute certainty that my love for you has never faltered. Even though the demons in my mind try to convince me otherwise, I am without a doubt in love in a way I never thought I was capable. At times it is quite frightening how I seem to be happy, successfully fighting off my primal doubts, and try to accept the fact that I might not be as alone as I'd like to believe. No longer the victim, and no longer the fool, I find myself on uncharted grounds, navigating the unfamiliar waters, sailing through thin and thick, knowing I shall survive, for you are my guide.

Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not, it's going to hurt like hell. But you can't stop it. You can't change your fate. Some things are meant to be and all the pain you go through will end up resulting in something huge. You don't know what it is and when it happens, it will hit you like a ton of bricks. At some point, when you have experienced everything you can, the words 'Life' and 'Risk' won't mean anything to you anymore. But don't try and change that. Stuff like that is meant to happen. Over time, certain things no longer have an affect on you. And that happens because that's the way it's supposed to be. But you'll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or spring rain start to matter. So pay attention and be ready, for it might catch you off guard and happen soon. Sooner than you'd think.

This is not a drive by...

Overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell...

Še vedno ali že spet? 

As he awaits slumber, he realises that love is truly never love at all, and the world he was accustomed to is about to be shaken once more. You can put a bandage on a wound, but if you don't take proper measures to heal your affliction, it just gets bigger and bigger, evoking more pain that demands to be felt, until you find yourself bleeding out, not even being able to scream. We are goners for sure, yet he cannot bring himself to admit that this was how it was foretold, and that it comes as no surprise that the boy who unveils his heart to you day after day, is cursed in ways he can't quite grasp. But do not take this as wallowing or self-pity, he does not shed tears so neither should you. That's just how it goes and how it always will - the one sided love affair, too deep in, to climb out, and not nearly enough air to hold his breath through the storm. 

My tricks aren't worth the time they buy...

At least I'm looking...

I think I'm starting to really like the person I see in the mirror. I have grown, learned from my mistakes, and against every prediction, become an adult - or at least a close interpretation of one. I can see things more clearly, for what they are, not distorted by fantasy or panic. I am calmer, and more aware of my surroundings, with the capacity to grasp and be susceptible to the feelings of other people. I feel content with the journey I am on, and the possibilities it may still provide. I haven't given up, I haven't given up even a little - I am simply quieter and more subtle with my ambition. The statue of us that I mould day after day, seems to take a different form each full moon, yet every time I look upon it, I smile, because I see something beautiful. Perhaps not eternal, not indestructible, but in this moment in time, exactly what I need. Who knows what shape it will take next or what awaits us just around the corner, for the true magic is not really caring, but trying to cherish the tangible, the real, the now.

I never miss a beat...

But I keep cruising,

can't stop, won't stop moving.

It's like I have this music in my mind,

saying: "it's going to be all right." 

Because the players are going to play,

the haters are going to hate,

and the fakers are going to fake.

but I'm just going to shake, shake it off.

And then there was you...

He shall smell the ocean, and he will enjoy the view. There is no need to be afraid, no need to trembled as his world comes tumbling down - for he has been here before, and in fact has survived so much worse. Perhaps there is still a chance. A glimmer of hope that he comes out of it not only alive, but triumphant. It is as it has forever been. Circumstances too intertwined to let loose, and the stakes too high for him to be at ease. So he shall come here and cry and overreact, and make it seem as if death is just about to knock on his door, when in fact, his life is vastly more than what you get to see, what you get to read, what you get to experience. It's the "I love you" in the morning and the smell of your hair. It's the way you make him laugh, and the way you hold your stare. It's how you make me rhyme, even when I'm shaking cold. It's everything you do for me, it's everything she told. 

Hoping to survive...

Giving all I have and more.

Time is running me over. It crashes into me and shatters me into a tiny million pieces. I hold no sway over it, and as it leaves me a shadow of my former self, I am haunted by what could have been. Once again I am at the precipice of failure. The moments of do or die make me shiver to my core, for I am no longer a child who is forgiven for making mistakes - I am supposedly an adult who has to stand by his decisions, and mine have been quite drastic. They are waiting for me to crumble, to point out how they were right and I was wrong, and how above all else, I am nowhere near who I thought I was, who I declared to be. There is no more time. No more time to grow. No more time to learn, to reach beyond. There is no more time to be better, to excel, to prove that attention is well deserved and ignorance would be a mistake. No more time to fix mistakes or to avoid a crash of unthinkable magnitude. There is no more time, for time is never time at all.

The heart wants what it wants...

Subzero temperature...

Where dead men call out...

Are you, are you,

coming to the tree?

They strung up a man,

they say who murdered three.

Strange things have happened here,

no stranger would it be,

if we met at midnight 

near the hanging tree.

The hanging tree...

At this point sorrow seems inevitable. He wonders, why can't he let go? Even after all this time? The psychosis comes out of nowhere. It takes hold and it does not let loose until something lies in ashes - either him or the people he claims to love. He fights off. Tries to maintain his composure any way he can - yet somewhere deep inside he knows he shall fail. There are no more guardian angels watching over him. No more hail marry's to come crashing from the sky and offer resolution. There is no ending to this madness, no tangible cure. No remedy which could heal his heart and give him the patience to let life unfold as it wants, not as he would like. He screams for them to go away. But the ghosts simply laugh and go about their agenda. He holds no sway. He is nobody - nobody who could impact the course of destiny. He is simply a watcher, a spectator who is powerless to swim against the current, being forced to either drown or be swept down the waterfall. To live or to die another day.

Betting the odds against it all...

Nobody's memory is perfect or complete. We jumble things up. We lose track of time. What we thought were moments that defined the very nature of who we are, in hindsight, seem frivolous and empty. We are in one place ... then another and it all feels like one long, inescapable journey. One you cannot plot, but simply try to sail as waves thunder against you. So what does it mean? What do we take away? Which pieces of the puzzle will hurt us? Haunt us? End us? Inspire us? Which memories are true, which are false, and which are better to be tucked away, far from reach, and even further from our soul? I guess you were right, you were right all along. The carousel never stops turning. You can't get off.

His dreams of grandeur slip through his fingers as easily as they were conjured in his mind. He jumps from one ludicrous scenario to another - each and every time concocting circumstances more unreal then before - while quietly wishing they might come to fruition. He stares at the sky, just as he did, just as he always will, and he imagines a world where he does not have to die. Where people will remember his actions, his marks on the wall. A world where his words shall resonate within the hearts of so many, and offer them the simple notion of peace, for they shall know that someone understands, that someone cares. He will reach this future. He shall touch and inspire. He shall be all the things they told him he cannot. He will endure and push on. He will succeed. Just wait and see.

Strung out, a little bit hazy...

I am lost in space. Time moves so fast that I am stricken with disbelief every step that I am made aware of where exactly I am, and even more distraught when I get a glimpse of what is ahead. The life I live keeps hanging in a constant state of limbo - stretching from glimmer to dust, from success to failure, from dusk to dawn. But amidst the whirlwind there is something that can calm my mind even when the greatest of winds are blowing through my hair. The answer to every question I ever asked now shines bright in front of me. There is no more wonder or seeking, no more ghosts of the past lurking their ugly head, and taking hold of my present. I no longer tremble as I walk the streets, no longer do I manifest scenarios to propel a future of ache and suffering. I am becoming whole, and I am doing so before your very eyes. Can you see it? Can you feel it? All along the answer was as simple as one, two, three. All along the answer was you.

I just came to say goodbye...

Choke me to the bone...

See me come down through the clouds,

I feel like a fool,

nothing left to give,

nothing to lose.

So come on love, draw your sword,

shoot me to the ground,

you are mine, I am yours,

so lets not fuck around.

Don't say a word...

His world is slowly dying...

He feels as if the weight of the universe is looming above him. There is no time to think things through - how to live, how to love, how to die - all seem to take shape without his consent, without him really knowing why. The world spins so fast it knocks him out of orbit, and leaves him with little to hold onto - to help him find his way. He is afraid he is going to fail, at one account at least, if not all three. He is scared that there isn't a single thing he can do to elevate his circumstances or to transcend beyond the trivial and mundane. He scrambles to make sense of developments that propel his journey into directions unknown, and leave him with sensations of gloom and disbelief. He runs towards substance to quench his nerves, but as it turns out, pains demands to be felt and there isn't anything he can do about it. He braces for impact and hopes he somehow, against all odds, makes it out alive.

Swimming in the pouring rain...

The next step in a series of random steps.

Maybe they were right. Maybe I am just too crazy to love. I feel the demons taking hold, and even though I try with all my might to keep them at bay, they take over control, and I become a mere spectator of the carnage they are about to inflict. I am in owe how you still find the strength to stay. How you hold me in your arms even as I tear you to shreds and leave only fractions of you left for me to consume at a later time. Could you be my exception? Someone who doesn't run? Someone who stays? Someone who knows me more profoundly than I even know myself? Someone who gives me every reason to stay, and the courage to lead life without fear, without the burden of mortality? Could you be the one that makes me live forever - to live forever with you?

Defeat is no longer an option. He has failed too much already to fail again, to fail once more. These are the moments in his life that will define his journey the most. That will shape him into the person he is supposed to be, needs to be. There is no more time for self-discovery or self-pity. He has crumbled and he has been rebuilt. Now he stands as tall as he'll ever be, and surely as brave as he'll never be again. Can you feel it? Can you feel the winds whispering secrets of the future? How the battle unfolds, who comes out the victor, who lies beneath the rubble of everything they erected in the name of oblivion? Be sure to listen closely, for what comes next is of crucial importance, and one would be foolish to walk away now, because as it so happens, the boy who reached the top of the mountain is about to walk towards the edge, and once again, and for the final time, jump. Jump. Jump. 

Never ask why...

Tie me to a wooden chair...

Where there is desire

there is gonna be a flame.

Where there's a flame,

someone's bound to get hurt.

But just because it burns,

it doesn't mean you're gonna die.

You just gotta get up,

and try, try, try.

Drawing my sword...

Writing has become a distractions. Life is moving so fast that I barely have time to keep up, let alone write down all the things I don't get to resolve on my own. I am torn between being someone who experiences his journey to the fullest, and that boy we have all learned to tolerate, that sits at home alone, with only his thoughts keeping him company. I miss him. I miss how I was able to be with myself and feel like the entire world was at my feet. Because as it stands now, I have become accustomed to spending time with those who fill my heart with joy and happiness - things I cannot find the inspiration to write about. I mean ... anyone can be in love, but can everyone create something of meaning? Even as I scribble down these words, I watch seconds go by that I could rather spend nourishing my relationships. I am at a loss, for this is a version of myself I never expected to morph into, yet have no choice, but to see it till the end, until I once again lie in bed, heartbroken and wishing for the life I once knew.

Rip my mind to shreds...

Over, before it even began.

I should have learned by now that life solemnly provides the answers we seek, yet has a knack of knocking us off our feet with truths we never saw coming. What happens to the boy whose dreams are too big to catch, and his expectations of love too grand for anyone to uphold? What happens when a day comes by, when both of those things collapse right above my head, and there is no time for me to duck for shelter? How am I supposed to handle this? How am I supposed to survive? As these questions get etched into my brain, I am left with the simple realisation that I haven't changed as much as I'd like to believe. You know me better than anyone, and it's obvious as the light of day that my circumstances keep repeating themselves, forcing me to acknowledge that while I'd like to think I'm becoming whole, I am more torn apart than ever.

Enjoying the ride...

As he jumps down the waterfall he knows that wherever he may land, he shall survive. What makes the fall so magnificent is the simple fact that he has internalized the most inherent human attribute - that he is fleeting, that he will never be here again, and that one day, he shall be forgotten. There is so much meaning in the realisation that there is no meaning, that there is no greater power watching over him. There are only moments that feel like seconds, and once he reaches the end of his journey, those fractions of time will evaporate. Yet there is no sadness in this truth. There is no hurt or agony or depression, for it is clear as day that there can be no other way. We are given a life, just so that it can be taken away - and that is completely fine, it's completely fine with him.

I will try not to obsess about us or to over-think every single detail. I will instead trust and believe - perhaps such thoughts will surely lead me to lands unknown. I will whisper softly in your ear and make sure that you know, that you are certain without traces of doubt, that I am here, and that above all else, I love you. Every part of you. Even the dusty corners I wish I could sweep away. I love because it is my inherent nature to do so. To connect and form bonds without really understanding why. It is my belief that our story has chapters consisting of volumes I cannot quite grasp, yet shall make my knees tremble and eyes shut. I am going to find a way to make this feeling last forever, for it to entangle my soul, and once and for all prove, that I am greater than the sum of my parts. Come oblivion or serenity, nothing will stop me now.

Sparks in the air like the forth of July...

Yellow diamonds in the light...

It's like you're screaming but no one can hear;

you almost feel ashamed 

that someone could be that important,

that without them, you feel like nothing.

Yet it's the way it is,

and I can't deny - 

I found love in a hopeless place.

My pieces...

Never shined so bright...

He is built from bricks of carelessness and crumbs, yet finds it impossible to navigate his new surroundings. He wonders if this is how happiness looks like. If he is being shown the life he swore he'd never lead, just so it will hurt so much more when it is taken away. He tries to be hopeful, but he feels as if there is something lurking in the background - something he cannot quite put his finger on. A shadow looming in the distance, waiting for the opportune moment to strike and tear down whatever may be left of his rotting soul. Even so, this is a story he wishes would continue forever, for it enables him to explore parts of this world he never thought would be his. He holds your heart, and you hold his in turn - both trusting that one will not squish the other, but gently caress it as it beats and hums and makes blood flow. Their fates remain intertwined and only the universe knows how their journey will end, perhaps lasting an eternity, maybe leading nowhere and everywhere at the same time, possibly being the greatest story told; you being the love of his life, and him, the love of yours. 

Lovers on the sun...

The memories being created right now feel like I made them up somehow, that I wrote them down in my notebook as a child. They don't seem real - a life I never thought I would deserve to live. You are my sun, and as much as my inner demons try to push you away, you stand beside me as strong as ever. You are the constant I always craved for, needed, and fantasised about. I may still be wrong, and these very words might jinx our possibly infinite future, but I don't care. These moments in time demand to be felt and expressed to their fullest extent, and I am more than happy to shout them off the rooftops. I love the way you love me, and I love the way I can't help but loving you. As happiness has never felt closer and more real, I am in owe how far I've actually come. There is no deceit here, no means to impress or to prove a point. I am with you for the sole notion that I wish to be by your side, and watch as you flourish into a greater version of yourself. I hold your hand, because I have never felt safer, and I intend to hold it for as long as I draw strength.

Sink my pain with the help of your waters...

My low blows...

What if I said I'd break your heart?

What if I said I have problems that make me, me?

What if I knew I would just rip your mind apart?

Would you let me out?

Maybe you can stop before you start.

Maybe you can see that I may be just too crazy to love.

If I told you solitude fits me like a glove,

would you let me out?

Baptise my soul...

I cannot shake this god-awful feeling that I'm not doing enough. I should have days filled with more to occupy my mind - not drift from story to story, hardly taking the time to live the life I was given, but instead conjuring deeper layers of a life that exists solely in my mind. I am neither happy or content, neither fully committed or with one foot out the door. I am, as it seems, where I've always been - in deep limbo, trying to keep my balance, without the courage to pick a side and simply let myself fall. I've become such a hassle to myself, even though, to an outside spectator, my life may seem greater than ever before. I love, and I'd like to believe I am loved. I work and dream, and I'd like to think my labours will pay off. Why then this dreadful sensation that I am on the precipice of another storm? That I am about to be shaken and tossed from one extreme to the other, losing what I've gained, and losing so much more?

I will come to your river...

Maybe I can stop before I start...

I need to calm my nerves and remind myself that the bigger picture eludes definition, and that if I want to survive the minuscule distractions of today, I have to make sure I don't lose sight of the path I have set upon. It is so easy to lose ones way, to wander the streets, thinking you know exactly where you're going, then ending up somewhere you can't recognise, somewhere that scares you, that makes you lose your mind. Even though I might be frightened that I might have to sacrifice the ones I love, I am pacified by the simple realisation that in the grand scheme of things - my life doesn't actually matter. My actions and emotions hold no sway. I shall be forgotten, my name will become as meaningless as the dust beneath my feet. I will slowly, but surely, drift into oblivion, be consumed by the darkness, become one with the void - and that my dear friends, is quite all right.

He feels as if he is at his most vulnerable. Exposed. Naked. He has no armour. He is soft, easily broken. He lays bear and awaits destruction, for someone to swing out of the sky, and stab him with blades of moonlight. Instead of blood, a blue liquid shall pour from his veins - the remains of every star he ever dreamt of, and the ashes of the sun, as it disintegrated in the palm of his hands. It is finally evidently clear how deep his wounds really are, yet even amidst his agonizing fears, he tries to remember that vulnerability isn't the opposite of strength. It's a necessary part. He has to force himself to open up, to expose himself, to offer up everything he has, and just pray that it's good enough. Otherwise he'll never succeed.

Light me up...

Bring colour to my skies...

We might as well be lovers on the sun.

I fear that if I hold you too tight, you shall falter beneath my fingertips, that I will crush our bond that sometimes feels impenetrable. I dread a future where I will have to let you go, and all that shall remain of us will be ash and dust. I have never dived so deep, which makes me scared that I won't be able to follow the current - that I'll drown. Before I held you in my arms, I was unable to grasp what it means to love without agenda, without burden or deceit. Before you I was merely a boy writing about what it entails to give your heart, and receive one in turn - simply a child trying to imagine how he'll ever fit into this world. Now I stand a man with his emotions intertwined and mind forever bold. I will not let fear hold me back, nor will I collapse under the pressure. Instead I shall smile, tell you I love you, and gaze in your eyes as you gaze into my soul.

The weight of a simple human emotion...

You lost a part of your existence

in the war against yourself.

Oh, the lights,

they light up in the lights of sadness,

telling you it's time to go.

And I don't want to let this go,

I don't want to lose control,

I just want to see the stars with you.

Determined and demanding to ache...

V meni se ponovno rojeva tempest in komaj še dohajam nevihti. Skušam ji uiti – najti zavetrje, da ne uniči vsega, kar sem zgradil, čeprav globoko v sebi slutim, da je že prepozno. Ne vem, kako, ne vem, zakaj, vem le, da sem ponovno, kjer sem bil. Psihoza se širi in golta še zadnje delčke racionalnosti. Ne vidim več jasno, že zdavnaj ne več. Ne prepoznam, kdo sem, ali kdo hočem postati. Žre me, da sem šibak. Kako še vedno nisem to, kar mi je obljubila, da bom. Krivim njo, ker mi je dala upanje, ker me je držala v naročju in mi obljubila, da bom nekoč imel vse. Zaradi nje sem skočil in padel, sedaj pa ležim na tleh, in prvič me je zares strah, da ne bom imel moči ponovno vstati. Premalo sem za ta svet. Nisem dovolj lep, nisem dovolj velik, nisem dovolj pameten, nisem dovolj … nisem dovolj vse.

The fault in our stars...

I have found that even the greatest love is essentially fleeting. Life has a way of weaving complex circumstances that make it difficult to recognise who we are, and more detrimentally, who we're becoming. I wanted different things, yet now as I am being steered in the opposite direction, I can't help but wonder if it's by chance or design. Perhaps I need to see the other side before I can fully commit to the path I always thought I would march. Maybe this is the push I need to finally, without excuse, grow up and face life as it is, not as I would want it. My dreams won't just appear out of nowhere - I'll have to work and slave away, and surely sacrifice even more than I can tangibly grasp at this moment in time. I have been defeated and I have rebuilt myself anew, each instance a little greater than before, yet as the sun sinks into the ocean, I find that no amount of change can change the fact that I was shattered to pieces, before I even knew what it meant to be whole.

I'll be your burning sun...

Vse kar sem kadarkoli potreboval,

je zgolj bistrino vedenja,

da nisem tako zelo sam.

We're halfway there...

How to get away with murder...

I have plotted my course, even though I am more uncertain than ever where it might lead. It was not easy to get here, and I imagine it will be even harder to more forward, yet I am left with little choice but to dash as fiercely and wholeheartedly as I can. The strands of time show no mercy, and with each passing day it feels as if my dreams and aspirations drift further away. Sometimes I am stricken with this debilitating sense that perhaps I am not bound for greatness - neither in love or in life. Maybe I will be simply the boy in the middle, whose voice is too quiet to hear, his hands too short to reach, his gaze too distorted to see, and his mouth too shut to speak. Maybe this is the ending, or at least the beginning of the end - the collapse of the boy who was promised the moon, wished for the stars, then couldn't even reach the clouds.

He will love you as profoundly as he loved her, and he shall try his best to ease the demons that try to convince him otherwise. He will be calm and patient and kind. He will forgive, he will be forgiven, and most importantly, he shall rise above the pain of the past. He will not let it control him, dictate his behaviour or eclipse the sunlight in his heart. He will live with the choices he is making this very second, even if they are not the brightest or the best - they are his alone, and so only his to regret. Then as he will stand there, staring at the life he's leaving behind, he is going to have to accept that it's gone, it's lost - just like you. All that will be left to do, is to remain very still, breathe in the moment and try to be open to wherever the wind is going to take him next.

I'm seeing heaven...

Oh, won't you stay with me?

Because you're all I need,

this is more than love, it's clear to see,

oh darling, won't you stay with me?

The map that leads to you...

I am learning to accept the different forms life and love can come in. There are no predetermined rules or ways of conduct. You can love me in ways I never fathomed, and you can do so with a calm that I never expected I would be able to internalise. You are good for me, because you teach me how to be a better, more rounded person. One who isn't afraid to trust or let himself be unburdened by the expectations of others. We form our own bond. We define it, shape it, make it strong, and we do so simply because we want to, never driven by greed or selfishness. The beauty of it, is that it is fragile and indestructible at the same time. We are always at the brink of collapsing, yet at the verge of lasting forever. You are my ultimate lesson. One that shall teach me how to live - come ruin or rupture, salvation or bliss, you are nothing I imagined, but everything I dreamt.