The choice was never really mine to make...

Goodbye, farewell, so long...

You know, maybe there are some friendships that aren't meant to be saved. Maybe we're meant to spend a certain part of our lives with certain people and then move on. It's nobody's fault really, well actually it's yours. After all this time, I still feel like I'm asking you to be my friend. You never fought for me, and come to think of it, no one ever has. You never made me feel like I was a priority. I don't expect to be one all the time, but once in a while, heck once in three months, I need to feel like you actually give a damn...

I hope you know you were my best friend. Even though tonight I said goodbye, I should have said more. Thanks for the best time of my life. I'm not angry anymore. It is what it is I guess. You might think I'm overreacting, but I just don't have the strength anymore. You've let me down too many times. It's time to let go. But to let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or to ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride, and it's not about how you appear, and it's not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat...

To let go is to cherish memories, to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind and confidence for the future. Letting go is learning, experiencing, and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, boy did we laugh, that made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, to clear a path and let yourself be free...

Can't find a reason to keep holding on...

I have a confesion to make. I didn't like you very much at first, you were just this annoying adult, who kept telling me what to do, and it always seemed like you didn't have much interest in me, which I of course found vaguely insulting. It was just you against the world. So I cruised along doing my thing, acting like a fool - as only a child can, not really understaning how knowing you, how being your friend, how being your flesh and blood changes you forever in the deepest way one can imagine...

And I don't remember the exact moment everything changed, I just know that it did. One minute I was unpenetrable, the next my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements. Loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience in my life. In fact it's been almost too much to bear. When I found out you got sick, I made a silent vow to protect you, never realising that I was the one who would end up hurting you the most...

When you grow older, a dreadful, horrible sensation will come over you. It's called loneliness, and you think you know what it is now, but you don't. Because you can be surrounded by countless people, yet you can still be alone. I care for nothing anymore, and everything at the same time. Noble in thought, weak in action. Something has to change, something has to give. It's getting dark, too dark too see...

The best feeling in the universe is knowing that you finally took a step in the right direction, a step towards the future where everything you never thought possible, is possible. Sometimes we spend so much time and effort trying to believe in something, that we forget to step back and look at the big picture of our life. And the thing we must never forget is that courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: I will try again tomorrow...

I will go down with this ship...

And when we meet again,

which I'm sure we will,

all that was there,

will be here still.

I promise I'm not trying

to return to where things were,

and I know this makes no sense

but destruction has come back again.

Torn between two,

who would you choose?

The one who you love,

or the one who loves you?

The boy with the dragon tattoo...

There are so many sayings out there about doing what you want. But what about when what you want isn't the right thing to do? What about the consequences, the realities, the people who get hurt in the process? Don't we have to think of them? What if you're not getting what you want, but you're getting enough? Do you risk it all to get it all, or do you stay in place? Do we have to reach for happiness or can we settle for content? And what if what we want, doesn't want us? What's to be said for desire? It's not concrete; it can't be held or promised. It could be fleeting. So what if we give up what we have and we're left with nothing? Is it wrong to be that selfish? So tell me where does the line lay, and when is it okay to cross it?

Impossible is just a big word thrown around, by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given, then to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration, it's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing...

There's a huge difference between giving up and letting go. Because giving up is sacrificing what was rightfully yours, but letting go, is forgetting what never was. Remember those walls I built? Well, they're tumbling down and they didn't even put up a fight, they didn't even make a sound. And finally I've realised that the goal is not to live forever, the goal is to create something that will...

A piece of work...

You can't get hit by lightning, if you're not standing out in the rain. You have to learn the rules of the game, and then play it better than anyone else. We all dream for something bigger; something bigger than this miniscule life we're leading. But where do we draw the line? How do we decide what is good enough? And how do we decide if we should dream bigger?

The days will always be brighter because she existed. The nights will always be darker because she's gone. And no matter what anybody says about grief and about time healing all wounds, the truth is: there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken. Bottom line; even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. The big moments are gonna come and they'll keep on coming. You can't help that. It's what you do after that counts, that's when you find out who you are and what kind of a life you're capable of leading...

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;

because a could-be is a maybe, who is reaching for a star.

I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;

for a might have-been has never been, but a has, was once an are...

Lying is so much better than telling the truth...

Some people write fairytales, some are lucky enough to live them, a few don't even know what a fairytale is. As for me, I make my own rules. If I don't like something from my past, I change it. Because if we want to be the person we dream about, we have to make sure that the road we came from, leads to where we want to go...

You're nobody until someone cares...

And here it goes. I know you've moved on, moved on for good, but there are things you don't know, things that I don't show; things that I hide inside. I know to you it seems like I didn't care, seems like I was never there, but there was never once a day that you didn't cross my mind. And believe me, if I could go back, I would, but things are different now. Time caught up with us and broke us apart, because now you found someone else. But that's not what bothers me. What bothers me is that you left me and that I left you, with words unspoken and a story unread...

Words that are still trying to escape my heart and reach out to you, words that don't notice that time has past; words that still have meaning. You still cross my mind a million times a day and even when I'm sleeping, I can still hear your voice telling me how much you love me or how much you miss me. It's when I'm reminiscing about you and dreaming about us, that everything feels right in the world...

But when reality hits me, it just kills me. And the thing that bothers me the most is that all of this could have been prevented if I had just said something or done something, and the only thing that doesn't bother me is that I've learned a valuable lesson; you don't really know what you got until it's gone...

I'm living in the past with the new generation...

Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to make sure you still can. And as the years go by, the time, it really does fly. Every single moment passes so quickly, it seems like nothing. But when you're looking back, it amounts to everything...

It's sad when people you know become people you knew; when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life, how you use to be able to talk for hours and how now you can barely even look at them. Who ever said it's impossible to miss what you never had, never almost had you. Life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be...

Sometimes it just takes patience for everything to happen. You won't get respect in just one day, you can't be in love with someone that you just met and you won't be able to forgive yourself in a second. So look between the lines, read between the words, and know that the most important things are left unsaid and unheard...

Live the life of your dreams...

For as long as I can remember, all I wanted was to be free. It's what we all want, it's what we all crave, it's the light at the end of the tunnel, which keeps us sane. We dream of the days, when we'll be free to be anyone, to do anything. If I've learned anything in these past few months is that freedom isn't only a goal, it's a way of life. We want it so much because the alternative seems so grim - letting yourself be a slave. But tell me something, is it slavery when you get what you want?

I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin either. For that is the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance, but even the most beautiful days have their sunsets. Everything shifts eventually. That's just the way our existence unfolds, and we have no control over it. Like suddenly, people who you always thought would be there, they just disappear...

People die, they move away, they grow up. And when they do, they leave a part of themselves behind. Knowing all of this makes me feel sad because I realised that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened...

I've always liked the time before dawn; there's nobody around to remind me who I am supposed to be, so it's easier to remember who I am...

Won the race, but lost my mind...

I guess it's time to move on, isn't it? What could have been, what should have been; all that is meaningless because in the end, it isn't. It's funny how something so ironic can make you so depressed. Yes, we started off happy together, but as our story came to be, we were left broken hearted. Yet I don't understand why you are, why anyone would be with someone if they don't make you smile? I guess I'll step aside and let time heal this one, even though it should have healed a long ago. I know someday I'll have a beautiful life, I know I'll be the sun, the moon, the sky. One day I'll be everything in someone else's eyes...

For what it's worth I think it's never too late, or too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. You can stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same; there are no rules to this game. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope I’ll make the best of it. And I hope I'll see things that startle me. I hope I’ll feel things I never felt before. I hope I meet people with a different point of view. I hope I live a life I'm proud of. If I find that I'm not, I hope I’ll have the strength to start all over again...

We carry around in our heads these pictures of what our lives are supposed to look like, painted by the brush of our intentions. It's the great, deep secret of humanity that in the end, none of our lives look the way we thought they would. As much as we wish to believe otherwise, most of life is a reaction to circumstances. You're only worth one wish that you'll probably never make. You only get one chance that you know you'll never take, and the dream that's in your heart, and how it sleeps when you're awake, well, you never lived a day...

Before the night is over, shadows fill with doubt...

My life is for rent...

I haven't ever really found a place I call home,

I never stick around quite long enough to make it.

I have no idea what's happened to my dreams,

It's just a thought, only a thought,

because nothing I have is truly mine...

A day like no other...

I know we haven't spoken for awhile, for about three years to be exact. But I was thinking about you, and it kinda made me smile. So many things to say, had to put them on this thing that is not a blog. Thought it might be easier, the words might come out better. How's your mother? Does she still do that overprotective thing of her's? How's that mangy dog of yours, I bet he’d still hate me. So many things I want to know the answers to. Wish I could press rewind, and rewrite every line to the story of me and you. It had so much potential, more than all the others combined.

I just want you to know I'll never forget you. You've changed me in so many ways. I'm a different person because of you and I'm so thankful for having you in my life. It's just that, now, we should move on. So often we fail at that kind of love. The world just seems too fragile of a place for it. Perhaps, it’s just that we are too fragile. We shared our time together, and changed with each other, but now, I just need more. This isn't goodbye, just so long...

You dropped a note and we changed key, you changed yourself and I changed me. There's a line drawn between the beginning and end of anything, and somehow we find hope everytime we cross that line...

Tomorrow we'll see, just how much we believe...

The greatest irony of love; loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life. Sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. So I've decided to let go when I'm hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. Because for sure there is someone out there who will love me even more...

The best moments in reading are when you come across something, a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. It's as if a hand has come out and taken yours. And for the briefest of moments, someone out there understands what's it like, even if it is just an illusion...

People ask me who I am. The answer? I don't really know. A few years ago, I would have said I was a boy who had a clear goal. A few months ago, I would have said I was a boy who loved life with everything I had. Now, I guess you could say I've been through a lot and I've been broken in too many places and too many ways. I guess you could say I'm just trying to find my place...

You only live twice...

Where does a story truly begin? In life there are seldom clear-cut beginnings, those moments where we can, in looking back, say that everything started. Yet there are moments when fate intersects with our daily lives, setting in motion a sequence of events whose outcome we could never had forseen. Some people skip through life; some people are dragged through it. I sometimes wonder whether we are moving through time or if time is moving through us...

Some nights, alone, I think of her. And some nights, alone, she thinks of me, at least I hope she does. Some nights these thoughts, separated by miles, occur at the same objective moment, and we are connected without ever knowing it. Then other days late at night, I think about all the things that have been, all the things that haven't been, and all the things yet to be. I wonder if my heart could explode into a billion tiny pieces and scatter themselves, if I could live on all over the world. I wonder if this world will ever make sense to me, if I will truly understand anything, and if there's really anything to understand at all...

I'll have books and poetry and writing in my life forever, of that I am sure. I'll also have adventures, and love, love above all. But not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, for which there is no cure, come ruin or rupture. Love - like there has never been in a play...

This is not reality, this is a dream...

I want to know your name...

Sound is my remedy...

To cold for me to keep her,

to hot for me to leave her.

I won't stop until the sun is up.

I'm misused, misconstrued,

I don't need to be saved,

I'm stuck in the rain...

It's an addiction, such an eruption...

I wish that I could make him realize that he's worthy of being loved, that he could be someone's world, that somebody thinks of him every single night before they go to bed and every single morning when they wake up. That someone nearly dies with yearning thinking of his arms around them. That somebody loves him more than anything because he's fantastic - he is that special.

I may not believe it right now, in the midst of all this pain, but things will get better. They have to. And it may not seem possible, in the midst of all this heartache, but I will look back and smile at the memories that are tearing me apart right now. The things I went through, both good and bad, will give me reasons to grow in the future. Not only to grow, but to laugh, to smile, to feel the love all over again, and to remember that even though it was a crazy ride, it was a wonderful one. And my life,

no matter how messy it may seem right now, will be a beautiful picture. One that without any of the memories, wouldn't be the complete masterpiece it will be then.

Sometimes we have to be broken down, so we can be rebuilt into what we're actually meant to be...

By the time the last petal fell...

You know the one that got away? The one who fucked you up? The one who broke your heart? The one you swore you would love forever? That person, who becomes not even a person anymore, but this overwhelming being, this sense of loss which you carry with you everywhere you go, haunting your dreams. They are not worth it! Seriously, stop crying right now. Maybe you cannot see it yet, but people who treat you badly, are bad...

I don't know what it is about you. Maybe it's the way nothing else matters when we're talking, or how you make me smile like no one else. I think there's going to be a part of me that's going to be in love with you for the rest of my life. It could be how you say the right thing at exactly the right time. But whatever it is, I want you to know, it means everything to me. I just wish love would be enough to go head to head with all the barriers in our way. That it could tear down the obstacles I know we'll face. There was always something missing. Now I think maybe, that something, was you...

People love in different ways. There's no right way to do it, but there are definitely wrong ways of doing it. We know better than anyone just how true that can be. We are told to wait for "the one" to come to us. But what if "the one" is waiting for me? A tragedy fit for this story, for this journey of two souls, bound together by something as simple as hope. If he could learn to love another, and earn their love in return, then the spell would be finally broken...

To die will be an awfully big adventure...

There is still something left that's worth fighting for. Something better, someone better. Do you ever put your arms up and just spin and spin and spin? Well that's what life is like. Every single cell inside your body tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going. Because it's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything...

You never asked me to wait for you and I don't even know if you want me to, heck, I don't know if I want to. But something is telling me that when we find each other again, I'm going to be exactly who you want and you're going to be the person I dream about day after day. At that moment, you will realise I've been here all this time, and you will wonder why you didn't want me all along. There we will sit for eternity. Never talking, never moving, just sitting in silence, together as we were always meant to be...

Honesty, if you're not willing to sound stupid, you don't deserve to be in love. It won't get easier. As we grow up, so do the people around us and with growth comes emotional baggage and with it a whole set of complications. Sometimes all you can do is laugh, because really, if life's not fun, it's not worth living...

Dirty little freaks...

I'm having the time of my life,

I never felt like this before

and I swear this is true

and I owe it all to you...

We'll find each other in the dark...

You know, I don't think I'll ever be happy. Wherever I am, I'll always wish I'd be someplace else. Whatever I'll have, I'll always want something different. I gave it my heart, and that's all I can give, if that's not enough, then I'm not enough...

Ne vem več kaj hočem,

ne vem več kaj bom,

ne prepoznam več resnice,

ne vem več od kod mi meso.

Ostaja bežni spomin, pa tista knjiga,

še veš ka si napisala not?

Sam povej mi, starim časom v čast,

še kdaj dvomiš? se še kdaj sprašuješ?

al si že pozabla vse? al še uničuješ?

Spet iščem, gledam, si dopovedujem,

more bit nekje, preprosto more.

Mogoče spet se z mene norce dela,

mogoče spet cilja pod kolena.

Čas je že, se ti ne zdi?

Čas dobiti čas nazaj, čas da h času vrnem se,

čas da spet okusm, tist prekleti čas,

ko vse se ustavi, ko vse okamni,

ko te pogledam, ko ti pogledaš mene,

srce zastane, vsak dih zaskeli.

Pišem čeprov sm utrujen,

pišem še malo naprej,

zaprem uči za trenutek,

pišem še malo naprej...

Time is never time at all...

I'm beginning to suspect that the moment I've been waiting for, doesn't require waiting and the things I'll remember most, won't be things at all. It's good to be scared, it means you still have something to lose. But as I stand here, wasted from life, I wonder how does a boy who jumps into a rabbit hole plumeting into chaos come out unchanged. The answer; he doesn't. Have you noticed how it's never something huge that changes everything, but instead it's the tiniest of details, irrevocably tweaking the balance of the universe while you're busy focusing on the big picture...

What I've come to learn is that above all, I have to watch with glittering eyes the whole world around me, because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places and if I don't believe in magic, I will never find it. It's happening again, I knew it would, I just never thought it would be this intense. It has disaster written all over it and of course, the reason we all love will never be known and I hope it never is, because really, where's the fun in that?

It's just so overwhelming to start at the beginning again. So much to prove, so much still to gain. And for the first time, since it all started, I'm not so sure I'll make it. Things aren't going according to my plan. They never quite do, but I always seemed to see a greater meaning behind every failure. Now, as I gaze upon the mountain I have to conquer, I can't stop wondering if the view will really be worth it...

Forgotten, but somehow, never alone...

A person is an absolute fool to become a writer,

his only compensation is absolute freedom...

Almost there...

The time has come for me to decide, if I'm going to settle with what I have or if I should fight for what I care about. The truth is, there's nothing to be afraid of. It's just life. Because it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you are, that you discover who you can be. The person you can be does exist, beyond the hard work, faith, belief and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead...

Maybe this is some sort of trial for me, to see what I'm made of. At the end of it, maybe I'll be judged on how I've handled myself and I think I'll only pass the test if I act with honour, if I try my best to do the right thing. If I don't do things out of greed or ambition or hatred. If I keep challenging my decisions against my own beliefs, if I try to be brave and honest and fair. I don't have to be perfect, as long as I keep trying to be perfect, I think I'll make it...

Sometimes you have to be brave, you have to be strong. Sometimes you just can't give in to thoughts of failure. You have to beat down those devils that get inside your head and try to make you panic. You have to struggle along, putting one foot a little bit ahead of the other and hoping that when you go backwards it won't be too far. So when you start going forward again, you won't have so much to catch up. For after all, the best thing one can do when it's raining outside; is to simply let it rain...

Lets go all the way...

We all need a way to reduce stress, the tension. Because sooner or later life just becomes too much to bear. If the pressure doesn't find a way out, it will make one - it will explode. But for me, the biggest pressure is the one I put on myself. The pressure to be better than I already am, to be better than I think I can be. It never lets up, it just builds and builds until I'm lying on the floor screaming my heart out...

How are you fine? How are you just competely fine? It's as if you didn't feel the same things or even worse. I'm still looking for answers, even though most of the time they're hidding just under the surface. Sometimes they catch me by surprise and they always leave as many questions as they take. You went through the scariest thing a person can go through, yet you survived. Now you're telling me you're afraid to jump?

I want to grow up, I'm desperate to get there, even though I know that growing up sometimes means leaving people behind. And by the time you're standing on your own two feet, you're standing there alone. I don't want to be by myself anymore, I don't want to sacrifice anything else. Because no matter how big of a freak I turn out to be, I know there's someone out there for me. I'm going to live the teenage dream, just you wait...

Tonight we'll throw it all away...

There's a man who's telling me I might be dead...

It's not about where you go. It's about what you do when you get there. I realised that today and as so many times before, I didn't even see it coming. As I watched you disappear into my head I finally understood why I never really needed to be saved. I don't know what I've done to me and I don't know what I'm into, but I can't help thinking that the next 4 years are going to answer more questions than I ever thought possible...

My one mistake, was that I let you down. I was supposed to be better, you deserved better. Maybe if we met at a different time, when I was ready. Maybe I wouldn't have been so afraid. Now as I gaze onward, into the future, so many things are uncertain, so many things are out of my control. Some call it freedom, others a cage, for me it's a promise. A promise to myself, that when I'll know someone is right, that someone is the one, I won't find excuses to not make it work...

So here I am again. Putting myself out there. Tomorrow I find out if I have what it takes. I want to enforce progress, I want to lead, I want to change the world around me. A few weeks ago, those were just dreams of a lost teenager. Now, as I'm taking actual steps to be who I set out to be, I feel an overwhelming sense of joy. Even if I don't make it tomorrow, I know I'll find another way, because really, this is what I was meant to do, this is who I was meant to be...

I'll lie and you'll believe...

I take a lot of things for granted. I'm never satisfied and I take that as a blessing and a curse. I always want to be more, to experience more, to achieve more, yet there comes a point when all I want to be is myself. But I think these battles are the ones keeping me sane...

You were the only thing that was real to me. We all wear masks, everyone, everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much we forget who we are. And sometimes, if we're lucky, someone comes along and shows us who we really want to be, who we should be. You were that person for me. On the first day of our story, our future seemed so bright. I don't know why I'm still surprised it turned out the way it did. I think it was something we had to go through, something we had to endure...

Do you ever get the feeling you've missed your chance at true love? Like you somehow screwed it up and now it's never going to happen. We sit and wait for things to unfold, to fall in love, to be loved, yet it seems to never come. Maybe my expectations are just too high. Maybe amid all the sacrifices I made, to reach the stars, I unknowingly destroyed any chance at love. But it was not I who left, it was you with your unfailing faith. With your magical smile and godly eyes. It was you who killed the lovers heart and my heart in turn...

You're miss nothing, I'm mister everything...

Here we are and I can't think from all the pills.

Here we are and I can't see straight.

Here we are and you're too drunk to hear a word I say.

But I'm too numb to feel right now,

yet still here I am, watching the clock that's ticking away.

Just tonight, it's telling me I'm right...

It can't be true, it just can't...

All things manifest from nothing. Leave space, lots of space, in your life. Start the car and take me home, so we can throw it all away. When the light hits my eyes, something is telling me I knew all along. I can't graps it, there must be another explaination. I couldn't possibly have... No. It makes no sense, yet it makes all the sense in the world. But why now? Why me? Why did I believe?

Do you understand who I am? Do you understand what I can do? There's no way, it... can take me down, even if it does exist. If this is some sort of joke, it's a bit cruel don't you think? If it isn't, then you truly weren't kidding when you said, life has a way of testing us when we least expect it. So many scenarios running through my head, yet none of them seem to end with me getting past this. You didn't prepare me for this, you never said something like this could even be a possibility. You should have been more aware of where I was going, so you could have steared me in the other way. It's because of you that I'm here today...

I can't even see straight anymore. I need an answer to this, someone to tell me, it's all just in my head, that I'm fine. It's too soon to say goodbye, to say farewell, to sing my swan song. I'm too numb to feel right now, so just for tonight lets pretend like we're together. Just for tonight, just for a moment, for a second even. Lets pretend we're happy, you know, like we always dreamt of?

I thought love was only true in fairytales...

I had no choice. Love does funny things to people. It twists the truth, then makes it into something no one can recognise, then before you even grasp it, you're alone again. As our eyes crossed paths for the briefest instant, I could hear your farewell echoing through my mind. Those words made me choke up and just as I was about to cry, the meaning of it suddenly became clear, I suddenly knew what I had to do...

What I've learned over the course of this month is that we're all entitled to our secrets. They make us feel safe. So as we mourn the life we never got to live, we clinge to our deepest desires, our melevolent dreams and our most dreadful sorrows. Some would call it a tragedy, others a story like no other. In my mind, it's a little bit of both, and no matter how you choose to view it, in the end I cannot deny how big of an impact it had on my life. But as I gazed at the rising sun, I realised something. First love isn't necessarily a synonym for greatest love, we just convince ourselves it is, because we're afraid we won't get a second chance to feel the real thing...

She never lost faith, but I think I'm losing mine. She made me believe that true love exists and even the darkest moments in our life can't take that away. We will have it again, we will find our way to the place where we belong, and when we finally get there, we need to have glorious stories to tell. Experience everything you want to, don't limit yourself. Then before you know it, we'll be looking into each others souls once more, with no regrets, full of love and lust and pride, because we were victorious, because we truly lived...

A crazy little thing called life...

Morda še prek oceana, od zibelke do neba...

Being a hero has its price...

There are moments, when I wish I could just take all the sadness away, but I have a feeling if I did, all the joy would be gone as well. So I take the memories as they come, accepting them all, letting them guide me wherever I'm destined to go. I was struck with the simple truth that sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people. But what happens when the people you thought were right, turn out to be the biggest let down of them all?

All of a sudden this shooting star came flying through the sky, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to see you again. I can remember every moment we were together, and in each of them there was something wonderful. I really can't pick any one time that meant more than the other. The process of healing the wounds you inflicted provided the richest experiences in my life, leading me to believe that there truly is a reason for everything...

The initial reaction I had was anger. But now I'm not angry any more. I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself for letting you treat me the way you did. Maybe it's my fault for expecting too much, but that's just the way I am, the way I turned out. I want things to be better, for both of us. We found each other, so there must be a point to all this. A reason, which explains why our journey led us here. The pieces all fit together, yet somehow everything is falling apart...

Witnessing a miracle...

Freedom is a strange concept. Everyone wants it. Our hunger for it consumes us, until we live for nothing else than for the day we can finally say; I'm free. But what I've come to realise is that once we get it, once we break these ties that bind us, nothing really changes, it doesn't really make us whole. Some can't even handle it, it's just too much to bear. The intensity with which I linger for seasons past, extols my every thought to the stars and beyond. Freedom, as you'll all come to know, is just another word to mask the bittersweat truth that nothing will ever turn out the way we hope...

Now it begins. The real deal. The last song has been sung, the last dance has come and gone, now the long haul begins. In hindsight, it was perfect. Unanswered questions, burning desires, the truth unveiled - all the components of a great play, of a great life. I have a flare for the dramatic, I admit. But all the things we didn't say, I didn't say, are about to burst out. I deserve better, I know that now. I deserve people who take the time, who don't hide behind meaningless words, I deserve people who care...

I remember how you used to say that wherever I would lead, you would follow. We lost our way, despite out inability to comprehend it. We are disjointed, a fractured picture of all we used to be. Can you feel it? Can you finally admit it? We were one, now we are lost, lost in the desert...

Until you're home again, you belong to me...

Sometimes you have to forgo doing what's popular in order to do what's right. Sometimes you have to overcome yourself in order to become a better person. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to the people you love in order to set them free. And sometimes you have to walk away in order to protect your heart...

I'm not going to lie. I miss you. Probably more than I thought I would. It's not that I don't get to read about your life anymore, it's about not knowing the person you've become, the person we all knew you could be. Meeting new people and drawing inspiration from new situations has its moments, but sometimes it's the people from your past who matter the most. Going forward is hard enough, without constantly looking at the life you left behind. I'm already engulfed by my new surroundings. It's scary, but also kind of wonderful. So many opportunities, so many new doors I never thought I could enter. Yet there is one thing so obviously missing...

I'm doing it. I really am this time. Because as we've come to realise time and time again, it's now or never. Just like you said, life has a way of surprising us, a way of making us believe, a way of making us forgive. Tell me something, how far would you go, to change something from your past? To make it go away and change the reality of today. How far would you go, to say goodbye?

Get on your knees...

Oh it seems forever stopped today,

all the lonely hearts caught a plane and flew away.

What are you really looking for?

Do you need a bit of rough?

Someone to abuse and to adore?

I'm saying love will stop the pain,

I'm saying love will kill the fear.

Do you believe? You must believe...

When our dreams appear...

I admit, I was taken by surprise. I didn't expect for it to be so... Magical. It's the little things that make it so wonderful, so unique, so incredible. I just wish she could see me now. How proud she would be. I know she was back then as well, but that's because she had to be, I never gave her a reason. But now, look at me, look at us. Where we are, and what we've accomplished is so much more than any of them expected, than I expected. If I disappeared right now, people would notice, people would care and the funny thing is, they always did. I was just too self-conscious too believe it...

I'd be so alone without you and I think you'd be lonesome too. But that's the point of life isn't it? To form bonds, which hurt, if they're ever broken. The pain means that we loved, that we took a chance, that we lived. Just remember my darling, when you come back home, you belong to me...

I'm going to stop soon. At least I think I am. When I started, it was because I needed to read something, anything to make me forget about my reality, and it seemed I was the only one capable of creating that something to soothe my mind. But now, as the world trembles once again, I find that peace can be found in so many different things, in so many different people. Happiness is all around. Happiness is finally here...

Love don't let me go...

Playing by the rules, of someone else's game...

It's too late to go back to sleep, to second guess, to wish for a new beginning. The time has come to trust my instincts, to close my eyes, and leap. I'm through accepting limits, just because someone says they exist. For too long I've been afraid of losing love, which was not mine to lose. I sense a shift again, subtle, but significant. A rift has opened. You can barely see it, but it's there. Kiss me goodbye, so they won't bring me down, and by Her I swear, I shall defy gravity...

Did you notice how it didn't get easier? How even though the circumstances seem different, the challenges are more or less the same. If you knew what would happen, would you still do it? Would you still let yourself fall? It feels like an eternity has passed since we gazed into each others eyes, since we felt the warmth of our bodies, the way it lingered as we touched. The way I used to run my fingers through your hair, the way you used to do the same with mine. It may have been real, it may have been nothing, either way, it was an affair to remember...

When you're different, when you're special, you have to get used to being alone, by yourself, with only your imagination keeping you company. It's a road few choose, most are forced to walk it. Yet there are those who cherish their solitude, as it keeps them aware, awake, alive. I'm still not sure how I feel about it, because there are times when I dread both. So it seems, I am what I'll always remain; stuck together, torn apart...

Best of both worlds...

It's getting harder and harder every day. As I sit down and try to clear my head, I find words escaping me. But it's not because of lack of thoughts. Trust me, there's so much going on, I can barely keep up. Maybe that's why I can't seem to focus on my writing. Maybe I just haven't met any new people that inspire me as much as those in the past. Maybe I lost my thunder, and I should just stop all together and concede the fact, that I'll never aspire to more than frivolous words, which noone cares about...

I am quite content with knowing that I'll never be as good as I want to be - in anything. Always striving for more is a curse, not a gift. It consumes you, until there's nothing left but broken dreams, which were never meant to come true. But it goes beyond dreams. It devours every single aspiration, every plan, every step. It ruins the mind, and corrupts the soul, because it was supposed to be so much more. The funny thing is, that I realise it's enough, heck, it's more than most ever get...

Don't get me wrong. I love what I do more than anything. You don't find something you love this much and let it go. You hold on to it and throw yourself in deeper. It's just about being strong enough to live with the choices you make. Good or bad, they were yours, they were mine. And through it all we survived, be it with a few scratches and bruises, but here we are, you and me, standing prouder than ever...

I want to set this house on fire...

It's hard to turn your life around, to step out of your comfort zone. Is this some kind of a joke? Will someone wake me up soon, and tell me this was just a game we played, called life. I thought I could start over. But as it turns out there's no starting over. No matter where I go, no matter what I do my past seems to follow me. And it's time I stop apologising for what was, and accept what is, and ultimately, what could be...

Did you ever look for something so badly you could barely keep up with yourself? Spending all this time and energy for what you think will make you whole again. Then one day, you look around and you realise you had it all along. Well I think that's bullshit. We just tell ourselves it was there, because deep down we know we'll never have it. It's easier that way. To pretend, to act like we're the person we want to be. What's truly hard and what truly makes you understand the world we live in, is to simply admit that we'll always chase something that's out of reach, because we'll always desire more than we can have. We will always be in the meadows...

I haven't been completely honest with you. I lied about something. I'm not sure why. Maybe I wanted to protect you, to protect myself. Either way, I'm not proud of how I handled things, but if it's any consolation, I plan on being brutally truthful next time. Cutting the strings we use to play each other, in an effort to embrace what our lives can become, without the constant burden of giving a damn...

It's as if I had never fallen...

All the crazy shit I'll do tonight,

these will be the best memories.

I just want to let it go for a night,

that would be the best therapy for me...

And so it starts again, and again, and again...

Trying to find the words...

So dnevi, ko precenjen se zdim,

so dnevi, ko ego raste in raste,

so dnevi, ko se bedi prepustim,

so dnevi, ko še tebe umorim,

pol so pa tisti dnevi, ki grejo mim,

ki se jih ne spomnem, ki jih izgubim.

Vpraš me še enkrat, če upaš.

Sploh še veš kaj?

Ka pravš, da grema nekam,

ti pa jz, pa najna norost.

Mogoče tja, kjer boma lahk letela,

sam za sekundo, za tisto, k sma jo zgubila,

mogoče občutma, tisto najno skrivnost.

Derem se vam, slište sploh kej?

Me glasba preglasi, en bedn komad,

z enim verzom, me porine v prepad.

Poezija je nevarna vam rečem,

ubija več ljudi k pištole,

nevidna je, jo ne prepoznaš,

dokler ne ležiš na tleh

in čakaš zadnjo laž.

Če vam resnico povem,

se bote zgražal, bote osupel.

Nism še prpravlen, nimam jajc za nč,

ti to najbol veš, kok strah me je življenja,

kok ne upam rečt, to kar mora bit rečeno,

kok ne upam mislt, to kar mora bit storjeno.

Gledam cesto, dolga je,

sm spet narobe zbral?

Al je res to to, sej veš to, to kar nj bi postal?

Life is bigger than you...

You've got to believe in something, something more you can't touch taste or see. Because life is too hard, to go through it alone, without something to hold on to, without something that's sacred, that you can turn to when everything feels like it's falling apart. We'll always be a loose end won't be? Unfinished. Tragic as poetry, eventful as a novel, and theatrical as a play. We'll never know, will we? So we force ourselves not to want it. But it's always there, and until we finish it, it always will be...

I never gave up on my dream. but that's not how it usually goes. Most of the time it's just too difficult, too scary. It's only once you've stopped that you realise how hard it is to start again from nothing, with a clean sleight. There's nothing mystical about a fall. Pressure builds and it's released, and then you just hope there's not too much damage. What it ultimately does, it makes you realise what really matters. Just don't ask me what that is, because I can't even begin to admit, what I felt and who I saw the moment the earth started to crumble beneath my feat...

It's new, it's exciting, it's utterly terrifying. It's perfect. I don't even care anymore about the small troubles that I let get to me. It will work itself out, and sometimes we just have to wait for things to happen by themselves, forcing them won't do anyone any good. But as much as I love where I ended up, deep down I know there are going to be so many things I'll regret, when I finish this chapter, which I keep convincing myself, is unfolding the way I had hoped...

The awakening...

There are some things that cannot be cured, because the wound was so intense, the scar lingers every so slightly for eternity. Then there are those which heal too soon, and we can't help but wonder why we're so oblivious and content. I know where I need to go, I'm just not sure what to do when I get there. I know what I have to say, I'm just not sure I can handle the reaction. I know what I saw, I just don't have the courage to tell...

The first day was a blur, but a fantastic blur. It was all I thought it would be, but really nothing like it. It's daunting, feeling like a grown up. Feeling like you're starting to live the dream you've been having for as long as you can remember. I never felt like this before, there's so many things I'm still not sure of, so many things I want to change. But at least I'm nearly certain I'm on the right path this time. I might fail, and I'm certain at one point I will, yet as much as it scares me, I know there's nowhere else I'd rather fail, there's nowhere else I'd rather watch my reality unfold...

It's too soon to tell. But I think I might be happy here. I need to be happy here. If not, I don't think there's anywhere else for me to go. I could use your advice right about now, or just a few words of encouragement, or just simply your presence. Is it too much to ask, for the universe to give me a sign? To give us all one. That what we're doing, that who we are, is what we're ultimately meant to become...

I want to contact the living...

I'm not sure I understand,

this role I've been given.

I sit and talk to god,

but he just laughs at my plans,

my head speaks a language,

I don't understand.

Before I arrive,

I see myself coming...

We're too high, we can't come down...

Enthralled by a heavy flush of emotions, as I allow myself to believe in the impossible. It is then, when all feels right in the world. When I can create whoever and whatever I want. There are no boundries, no walls to tear down. Just an infinity of space, bluntly being consumed by my imagination. But in each and every scenario I somehow find myself back at you. It's funny really, how none of us are able to escape our fate. It has already been written, and we are merely spectators, watching as our life unfolds...

The people I cherish the most, are the ones who inspire me, entertain me, and make me learn a ton without me even knowing it. The past was gone, and the future has yet to unfold, and I know I should focus on life in the present, yet day-after-day it strikes me as endless and unbearable. Strange, what being forced to slow down can do to a person...

Stories are as unique, as the people who tell them, and the best ones are those in which the ending is a surprise. I can tell you all right now, that you won't see it coming, and you can't predict it in a million years. It's going to be the best thing that's every happened, to all of us. And as my distant gaze settles on the mystic moon, I am filled with an overwhelming sensation of joy. Because I finally realised that no matter where it is in the sky, no matter where you are in the world, the moon is never bigger than your thumb...

I'm watching you watching me...

Your whole world...

I talk a lot about life, though I know very little about it, and I complain about things others would envy. Yet knowing this has not stopped me from taking for granted all the wonderful things that have happened over the years. As I woke up this morning I realised that I have been reading and writing these profound stories with characters that let opportunities slip by, that let their life pass away, living in fear, because tomorrow is still so uncertain. I preach lesson in life and if I dont follow the tennants of those lessons, I'm not the man I thought I was, the man I want to be...

I don't know what to expect anymore. Until about an hour a go, I was certain, I was so certain that circumstances are different this time, that this journey will somehow be easier because of all the things I was able to change about myself and the world around me. But the more I thought about the situation I'm in, the more I couldn't deny the irony that life keeps throwing at me. I'm not as brave as I act. I'm not as confident as I tell myself I am. I've got to stop fighting it, it's the only way. It was all just a reflection, and maybe it's good that you're gone. I just feel like there's so much more you could have given. There was so much more I needed to get...

Stopm v sobo

polno neznanih ljudi,

čutm poglede

kako zavidajo svet,

ki ga v resnici sploh ni.

A stroll down memory lane...

You lied. You told me that I was capable of anything, that nothing could stand in my way if I really committed my time and energy. And with my heart and mind, I believed you. Today that changed. I don't trust you anymore. The web of lies you created has been destroyed, because the truth shines as bright as ever. You lied, and for the first time in my life, you let me down...

But I was wrong too, because I realised people do indeed change. Because change is actually the only constant in our entire existence - we morph, we merge, we grow, we die. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we clinge to what things were instead of letting them be what they are. The way we clinge to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing. Change is constant, how we experience it, well that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, and go with it, it can feel like at any moment we can be born all over again...

"What" and "if" are two words as non threatening as words can be. But put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? We all dream of a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for, but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, then I'd had the courage to seize it, and if any of you didn't, I hope one day you will...

Everything is better when the sun goes down...

Take me, I'm alive.

I never was a boy,

with a wicked mind.

I had everything,

opportunities for eternity,

but now, when I look inside your eyes,

I'm running towards the light...

With you, I'm born again...

I became afraid, despite of everything that transpired over what feels like a millenium. I know I should be filled with joy, for this reunion is proof that love can still be ours, but I realise the bell has already tolled this evening. The sun has long since set, and the grinch that stole you away is about to come reclaim what is his, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. So I stare at you and wait and live a lifetime in these remaining moments...

Just because something takes long to get, doesn't mean it will last, and when something is over, it doesn't always pass. We choose for it to stay and be a part of us. We like how it feels, how it stings, how it makes us remember everything we gave up on the path to get it. Yet knowing all of this, has not stopped me from once again, finding myself hoping and wishing, for a forever after, that we both know can never be...

Who am I? And how I wonder, will this story end? It's not easy to explain, but I have a feeling I'll never know, because I'm not really suppose to. We aren't lost, we just tell ourselves we are, so we can justify the mistakes we make. I found you, and you found me, and together we found our souls, and now when we look deep inside each others eyes, for the briefest of moments, we are filled with an enigmatic calm, which sets the tone for the journey ahead...

Up inside your eyes...

Dearly beloved...

Surely, love is suppose to bring joy, it is suppose to grant you peace, but here, it was bringing only pain. Someday I'll find someone special again. People who've been in love once usually do. It's in our nature. I cannot adequately describe the intensity of what I was feeling, when I realised I ruined it. Love, anger, sadness, hope and fear, whirling together, sharpened by the instant realisation that nothing will ever be the same. I knew that I had never felt as strongly for another person as I did in that moment. When I returned her gaze, it made me wish for the millionth time that I could somehow make it all better...

She is a stranger now, even though once, we were friends, which was oddly enough for me. In a lifetime of mistakes, I guess you're the only one I don't really regret. The winds of destiny blow, when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane, sometimes they barely fan one's cheak. Yet alas, the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do, a future that is impossible to ignore. So tell me, how far should a person go, in the name of true love?

So many things that still need to be said, await just beneath the horizon, hoping to be set free, and with them their keepers. But if we've learned anything about each other, is that we rarely part with our secrets. It makes perfect sense, in a time when nothing seems to. All I know is that, there's one thing I still haven't told you, and with each passing day, the desire to do so, slowly washes away...

Evil lives on...

I want to wake up tomorrow and be the man I know I can be. I want to walk into a room, and bring my whole life with me. I have a million reasons to be anywhere else, yet I chose to be where I am. If you listen I'll tell you how I got here. How I forgot where I was going, then I found myself somewhere I didn't recognise. If you listen I'll tell you about the time I thought I was perfect, and how I smiled with wisdom and content because I realised the world isn't perfect. We're flawed because we want so much more. We're ruined because when we get these things, we wish for what we had. As if that weren't enough, I find myself questioning everything I do, because really, nothing seems to be good enough...

At one point you just have to stop fighting it. But the problem with me is that I either give up too soon, or way too late. A curse inflicting me with agony, which could otherwise be avoided. Tell me something. Do you punish me on purpose? I know I deserve it, but somehow, deep inside the profanity, which is my mind, I thought maybe you would forgive and forget, and we could finally be one of those people, who can find themselves within each other, and use that to paint the story of their happy ever after. It's hard, you know, going forward all alone. I guess it was meant to turn out this way. Just me, and the decrepit boulevard of shattered souls...

Taste my soul, drink my heart...

I love silence. I find it to be holy and pure and it draws us together. Because only those who are truly comfortable with each other can sit without speaking and still feel content. It takes a lifetime to learn for most. But those who sit silently and watch the world around us can understand the true meaning of silence, and how pure it really is. In the beginning there is mystery, in the end there is confirmation, but it's in the middle where all the emotions reside and make silence worth everything in the world...

"I don't want to lose you" my voice almost a whisper. She took my hand and squeezed it, then reluctantly let go. She could feel her tears again, but she fought them back. "But you don't want to keep me either, do you?" To that I had no response. The silence said it all...

As bad as everything was, I learned something about myself, in fact I learned a lot. It could have been worse, a lot worse, but for me, it was all I could have handled at the time. It overwhelmed logic and common sense. Why did I do it? And more importantly, would I do it again? It was I, you see, who ended it, and to this very day, to this very moment, I still don't know why...

You can't see tomorrow...

In a world made of steel,

in a world made of stone,

silent tears full of pride,

but a slow glowing dream,

that your fear seems to hide.

Dancing 'till the end of time,

like now or never, with strength and pride...

I will live today...

500 days of summer...

Loving once, and only once, is possible, but what's impossible, is to fall out of love. It is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you, it does not depart. It is simply eternal. And if you think that you were able to get over someone you loved, then I'm sorry to say, but it wasn't love at all...

Because really, love is not written on paper, as it can be destroyed. Love is not etched in stone, as it can be broken. It is inscribed on the heart, and there it shall remain forever...

You know that fantasy, of a still night, of a perfect getaway, which abruptly but firmly grounds the foundations of your entire future? Well what if one day you woke up, and you realised that events have been set in motion, which just might take you exactly where you need to go...

I guess there's no proper way to react, there are no words to express the profound feelings that go through your soul. All you can do, is know that you are one of few, one in a million in fact, who is actually given everything you ever wanted, and then some more...

Everybody wants this. Everybody wants to be us.

We're bionic, completely supersonic...

I've been thinking a lot about you these last few days. Wondering why the journey I'm on seemed to have led through you. I know it's not over yet, and that life is a winding path, but I hope it somehow circles back to the place I belong. What I'm trying to say is that you're there, in everything I am, in everything I've ever done...

I don't live for others. I do what's right for me, even if it hurts someone I love. People come, people go - they drift in and out of our lives almost seamingly, like characters in a book. They have told their story and you start up again, fresh, with new characters and adventures, then suddenly those from the past don't seem so interesting anymore. A fraction of a memory remains, waiting to be reignited by a flame that was never truly lit...

Finishing the last page of the first draft is the most enjoyable moment in writing, actually it's one of the most enjoyable moments in life. And even though failure is predetermined, the magic never really fades. There, deep inside, lies the beauty of it all, the meaning of our existence, the man behind the mask - a petrified boy, trying with all his might, to create something, anything, that can make people understand, not who he is, but who he wants to become...

I am your destiny...

The truth only means something when it's hard to admit and when it takes every bit of our soul to break the chain of lies we created to safeguard our lives. We always have a choice, it's just that some people, including me, usually make the wrong one. It would have been so easy back then, to come clean, but the longer I waited, the harder it became and now I've reached a point where all I can think about is the life I destroyed and how that in turn, destroyed me...

There will be no more words concerning this. It is burried forever, as it should be and they will never know. From now on, it's all about living as freely as one can and having as much fun as possible. No more sacrifices, no more worries, just the sheer thrill of being lost in the moment. There's no getting over it, all we can do now is party and party and then party some more...

I feel as if I'm witnessing a miracle, as ever so slowly I rise my face towards the moon. I drink in the sight, sensing the flood of memories unleashed and wanting nothing more than to let her know I'm thinking of her. But instead I stay where I am and stare up the moon, I know she is as well. And for the briefest instant, it almost feels like she's here again, and everything I ever wanted, suddenly seems so close, so achievable. It's as if nothing had changed...

We always knew...

If you care to stay, you and me, could hide away. Do we dare? We'll soon forget that there's any other place, that there are any other people in the world. Just us, in our little corner. Like we've always dreamt, but never had the courage to do. In another time and place it might have been different. But thinking along those lines is pointless now, because we don't care anymore, do we?

The mist starts to form as we stand close to one another. It is a distant fog that rises from the horizon, and I find that I grow fearful as it approaches. It slowly creeps in, enveloping the world around us, fencing us in as if to prevent escape. Like a rowling cloud, it blankets everything, closing, until there is nothing left but the two of us. And when we're finally alone, we wish it could last forever. We both know it won't. Yet still we let ourselves hope even though reality has proven us wrong too many times to count...

It is important to me, that you know who I was, who I am, and who I plan to be. The past is unrecognisable, even for me. The present keeps changing so quicky, I barely have time to live it. And the future is like it always was. A sea of unimaginable circumstances and twists, making sure not a single day in our life is boring. Tonight, we share a sweet embrace for all the moments we can never get back...

Here's my key philosophy...

The places I go are never there...

Only you can make you wait. Nobody else can. You need to decide what you want and what you're willing to give up to get it and then you have to be ok with that, or you have to be ok with waiting. Ask for what you want. No, demand it. Then if it's not handed to you, it probably wasn't even worth having in the first place. Some things are just not meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were...

There is no pretention here, no hidden meanings, no elaborate plans to impress. I realized that a risk free life, isn't much of a life at all and if I was going to change once again, I might as well start right now. I mean it's a fact. I'm different now than I was back then. Just like I'll be different at the end of this journey. And I'll be different tomorrow, from what was today. Even if the path is the same, if I meet the same people, if I make the same choices, it won't be the same. Because really, nothing truly is...

I've been doing this for quite some time, yet there are still so many things outside my realm of knowledge. I accepted that I can't do anything to stop the inevitable, I just wish I knew when it was coming. Tell me something. If it couldn't have been love and it didn't feel like lust, what was it? Nothing can describe it and nothing comes close to explaining why, for the first time, I felt the urge to tell her the truth. In another time and place, perhaps, I'll understand what it feels like to know someone without limitations, without regret and with absolute certainty. I'll know what it feels like to create infinity...

Broken windows and empty hallways...

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles,

a pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray,

the frozen smiles to chase love away,

human kindness is overflowing,

I think it's going to rain today...

Yesterday is over, it's a different day...

I've noticed that I can get used to a lot of things, if given enough time. Yet there's something, I realised, I can't live without. I'm not going to tell you what it is. I mean, where's the fun in that? But just know, that whatever you go through in life, there is that one regret you'll carry with you till the end of dawn, which will always feel like it could have changed your life. And you're right, it could have...

This is not goodbye or a fuck you speech. All it is, is what I feel needs to be said. She came into my life and gave me joy and love and she received both in return. A lot of the memories I will cherish forever, some I can't wait to forget. But most of all we showed each other that there will come a time, when we can both eventually let go. We were very different yet the pieces somehow all fit together...

I have come to realise that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless them, and I find myself wondering why - out of all the people in the world I could have ever loved, it had to be you. Now I'm left lying here, alone in the dark, seeking the answers I so desperately need. You just need to know, there is no apology that can make it better, or I would have said something a long time ago. It is what it is. It was what it was. And sooner or later, we're going to have to accept it. But that doesn't mean I'll give up that little piece of hope I have left. Because what are we, after all, without our memories, without our dreams?

Nobody saw him fall...

It is life, I think, to watch the stars. One can learn so many things. It isn't about surviving the hardships that come your way. It's about understanding them. I was wrong. It wasn't over. It still isn't over. But with that realisation came another one. Sorrow is a large river and you can't swim against the current. You just have to try your best to not get swallowed by the sheer magnitude of the watery abyss...

Day and night are connected in a way that very few things are. There cannot be one without the other, yet they can't exist at the same time. How would it feel you ask? To be always together, yet forever apart? You have to experience it, to truly grasp its meaning. And I really wish, you would never have to know...

If you ask me, writing isn't to be analysed. It is meant to inspire without reason, to touch without understanding. And when it fails to do that, it no longer serves any purpose. You are not a writer until someone tells you that the words you created changed their life. And as I sit here and wonder what's to come, I can finally accept that I failed, because knowing that, doesn't change the fact that I managed to save myself in the process. And in the end, I know I'll do the right thing, even if it's hard. You may call me a dreamer or a fool, but that won't change my belief that still, after everything that's happened, anything is possible...

Stand there and hear me cry...

For the last 5 years I would spend this day in accordance to her beliefs and as such I had a simple ritual. I would get up, lie to my parents about going somewhere, then I'd go to dead man's crossing and I'd light a candle to celebrate her life and everything she gave and took to make me the man I am today. But as I sat infront of her eternal resting place, something didn't feel right. I'd usually just lay there for an hour, and talk about my life and everything that happened. I'd tell her about my failures, my achivements, my broken heart and mostly how much I missed her. Yet today, as I was staring at the heart of an unlit candle, I realised that this year, I don't really have anything to say...

I just watched the candle burn, for what felt like ages. No thoughts, no emotions, no movement. Just an empty soul, tired of everything and everyone. If nothing else, I made a vow. Next year I'll have so many things to tell, I'll have to spend a whole day there. It's going to be a tough year, of that I am sure. Uncertain paths, indestructible obstacles, and a lot of work. But I'm hoping that along the way, I get to have some fun and meet a lot of interesting people, who will undoubtedly change my perspective of the world. And maybe I even stumble onto the person I've been waiting for my whole life...

Right before I drown, you resuscitate me...

Message in a bottle...

A story keeps finding its way into profound parts of my mind. It's about family, first love, second chances, mourning death and also causing it, and mostly about the moments in life that lead you back home. I found myself noticing that the future is dictated by what we are, opposed to what we want and as much as I want to fight it, I know there won't be a next time...

The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that can heal it. The reason it hurts so much to be seperated is because I think our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one, and in each of them we've found each other. Which means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past and a prelude to what will come...

You know when you're feeling like your failing in practically every area of your life? When happiness seems as distant and unattainable as space travel. When mistakes are made, regrets form, and all that is left are repercussions which make something as simple as getting up in the morning seem almost laborious. I realised today I want something else, something different, something more. Passion and romance, perhaps, or maybe something as simple as not being second...

The rage controls us both...

They get me off so much,

they pick me up when I'm feeling blue,

now how about you?

Oh sweet home baby,

where the skies are so blue,

I'm coming home dear lord,

it's time to tell the truth...

I like the way it hurts...

Dreams are always crushing when they don't come true. But it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful, because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold and it's enough to break your heart. When I look in the mirror, I know I'm looking at someone who isn't sure he deserves to be loved at all. Yet I know I loved and the feeling was even more wonderful than I ever imagined it could be...

The best kind of love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach out for more; that plants a fire in out hearts and brings peace to our minds. It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realise that the people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on, not with resent, but with fond experiences, which changed your life...

Every great love starts with a great story. It doesn't really matter what the story is, the only thing that matters, is how the story is told. Did you ever love somebody so much you could barely breathe? It was too far-fetched to believe, and to obvious to ignore. There it was - love. It is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day. So when I am silent, and afraid to utter a single word, I let my actions speak. Can you hear them?

When a tornado meets a volcano...

The saddest people I've ever met in my life are the ones who don't care deeply about anything at all. Love is like the wind, you can't see it, but you can sure as hell feel it. So I've figured out something. It's not going to be simple. It's going to be really hard. But honestly, nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy...

It's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time the grief... lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while it's not so overwhelming. Our story has three parts: a beginning, a middle, and an end. And although this is the way all stories unfold, I still can't believe ours didn't go on forever...

Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, yet that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them even more. Right before everything went black, the very last thing that entered my mind, was you. Love doesn't change. People do, circumstances do. But love is always patient and kind. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes...

The problem with time, I've learned, whether it's those days I got to spend with you, or the final two months I got to spend with her, eventually time always runs out. I have no idea where you're out there in the world, but I understand that I lost the right to know these things a long time ago. No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was - I will see you again...